I'll show you mine of you show me yours

[Imsosorryalan]

Is what my friends 4 year old boy said when he was playing with my dd,also 4!
Now, I'm no prude and I know all children start to become curious but my dd is no where near this stage yet, I thought it was more common around 6 or 7?
Anyway, I obviously must have looked pretty peed off as friend then started saying all the ch were doing this at his preschool showing each other etc and that she had told him that his privates were just that and not to share but it was pretty obvious the message hadn't gone in.
I also later caught him saying to her " lets go to your room and play showing privates". I said very firmly that my dd was not going to go upstairs with him.
I'm a bit worried now that I will have to helicopter their play sessions which I haven't before.
Should I be worried? Should I stop them playing together for a while? I know it's all part of growing up but they seem very young and as I said my dd isn't curious at all and I don't really want anyone showing her these things when she isn't ready.

[Imsosorryalan]

Sorry just realised it turned into a bit of a ramble!

[Firawla]

personally yes i would helicopter them a lot or else do meet ups somewhere like the park for a bit, so they don't get to play alone together so these things dont come up. i know some people say this is normal but i wouldnt be happy with it, and i the think the boys mum needs to clamp down on it a bit more but if she is not doing so then you would have to restrict your dd and the boy a bit. its not fair for your dd if this little lad is pushing this kind of play and she is not interested, she could be really uncomfy with it herself and i dont think its good when parents just brush it aside as "oh its normal all the kids do it"
fwiw my 4 yr old boy would not do this (im pretty sure!) so to me its not that normal.
if the dc really are all doing that in the preschool i think the mum should have a word at the school as it does not seem a good idea for that to be left to go on at school either!!!

[Imsosorryalan]

Yes thanks this is what I thought

[joyciegirl]

It is normal, relaxl! What do you think will happen?? Better at 4 than at 6/7 when they are likely to be more worldly wise about it being 'rude'! Sounds like you are projecting your adult perception on inquisitive children. Also it takes time for'messages' to go in so it is possible his mum had told him that he should not go round flashing. More you flap aboiut it the naughtier it becomes the more hang ups your DD may develop!

[TheEnthusiasticTroll]

it is normal at this age, I would find it quite unacceptable in 6 or 7 year old as I would expect them to have learnt by then about appropriate bounderies.

Keep an eye on them is all you really need to do, no harm will come of looking at each others privates, so long as the message is very clearly reinforced that it is not appropriate etc.

I dont think you should judge him or your friend because of it and i certainly would not be peed off about it.

My dd never really went through that stage either Firawla but that does not mean it is not normal range behaviour for this age group.

I think the mum has done all she needs just now, hoping she will continue to give the correct message to him as she seems to be doing. hugely over reacting will only serve to make it an issue and then he will do it all the more.

[Imsosorryalan]

As I said, I know this is fairly normal but it only worries me as my dd is not at this stage yet and am worried he may be asking her to take part in games she may not be comfortable with. When she is showing signs of wanting to know more then of course, I will be having the same talks with her.

[TheEnthusiasticTroll]

it may not be that she is not ready, Im not sure how you can guage how ready they are for this type of development tbh. She may just never be as amused or curious as he is despite what he or other children do. My dd never went through this stage either, but thats not to say she did not witness other childrens behaviour or curiosity around bodies. She just seemed to take the signals its not appropriate and knew not to do it her self.

Honstly nothing bad will happen to your dd, her inoccence will remain intact regardless of what other 4 year olds are doing. Just tell her what he is doing is silly and rude and no one should be playing games like that ever. like I said dont over react, most childrens learning and development are prompted from others around them, if she has experinced this then she is ready to know it is an bit silly and rude.

[joyciegirl]

I think it is helpful if kids see each other naked from an early age then it is not 'rude' or 'silly' just normal. Kids just have to learn that because it is normal to have 'privates' there is no need to show everyone else unless in the bath /paddling pool etc! My kids spent summers in the garden paddling pool with friends & neighbours sons when they were v little so the naked opposite sex was never a shock or surprise!

[TheEnthusiasticTroll]

i agree joyciergirl, I suppose what I ment is it is the way that some children show their privates and play that becomes silly and rude rather the actual private parts themself, if that makes sence.

It is perfectly normal to explore, and sometimes being naked or seeing other people naked is not inappropriate I agree with that.

[Suziskylark]

I'm lucky in respect that I have a DD and DS and she seen me change him tons of times and seen DH naked etc so she is totally aware that boys have willys and girls don't, but I do find it slightly embarrassing when she says " thats alfie, he's a boy, he has a willy" whilst leaving the nursery gates. My advice is try not to worry, she's still very young and as other comments have said its normal behavior, kids question everything at this age, but as long as your aware of what's going on in her life, then you can put things right if anything goes awry.

[shandybass]

Hello op.
I just wanted to say I had a similar experience when DD and friend were 3/4 and I was a bit shocked. Both had gone upstairs and were showing each other their privates and giggling, twice, after I reprimanded them the first time. I did limit their alone time after for a while so that I could monitor things without it being a major issue. My friend was not bothered at all, but then I think with 2 ds's she said they do tend to play a lot with their willies. My DD does with her privates too at times which I try not to react to and just say please keep that private etc.
I just wanted to sympathise with you and say I found it a bit shocking but tried not to show it or react too much.