6yr old DS talking about sex! HELP!

[iceandsliceplease]

DS was messing about with pen and paper last night, being a little bit secretive about it, but I just assumed he was writing a note to one of his friends as he often does.
I've just found the note under the kitchen table and it reads as follows:
'To my girlfriend,
I want to have sex with you.
Love from DS'



How do I approach him about this? He's never said anything about sex to me or his dad before and I'm really weirded out by it. Is this kind of thing normal for six year olds? I know I need to say something to him, but I don't want to sound like a Victorian spinster or a 70s hippy with lentil weaving saggy tits.

[mrsbaffled]

hmmm. My DS (7) says he wants to kiss his girl friend on the lips. I laughed and said you're not allowed to do that at school - they have a 'no kissing' policy to prevent kiss chase etc. I don't think he knows what sex is. He knows about his parts of the body, but had no idea what they are for.

It may be your DS has heard the word in the playground, but has absolutely no idea what it means, just it's something you 'do' with someone you love???

Perhaps you can gently ask him where he heard it talked about, and see what he thinks it means. Gently tell him it's for grown ups (if necessary - may not be given his previous answers), and perhaps he could hold her hand?! :)

[iceandsliceplease]

oh blimey, that went well.

Took DS with me to the shop this evening, thinking that the walk home would be a good time & place to discuss this gently. My opening gambit was 'DS, that letter you wrote last night...' gently, in gentle tones, with gentle undertones.

He burst into tears, shouted 'I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT!' about fifty times, then ran home screaming. Back at home I tried to tell him that he wasn't in trouble, I'm not angry, but we do need to talk about it. And that I know he's a bit embarrassed. And his response was to scream and scream and cry and run away up to his room. Then he was sick as a result of all the crying and screaming, which calmed him down a little bit.

This sort of reaction isn't normal, is it? Should I be more worried than I already am?

[Mspontipine]

Oh bless him. Is he spending any time at school with older ones? Has he just moved into big playground with others or a mixed age class? I only ask because at that age a year older can seem such a huuuuuge gap. They know more rude words etc. Could it be poss he's beem teased about it? I'd leave him for now. Raise subject in a few days. Maybe share a book? Ds was around that age when I armed him with a few basic facts. When they come out with it and say "what's sex?" what can you say :)

[mrsbaffled]

Oh no! Not a good reaction! Try again tomorrow. Sound like he's just incredibly embarassed. I don't think it's any more serious than that.

[Dotty342kids]

Oh bless him! My ds aged 8 and dd aged 6 have recently been using the phrase "having sex" (in relation to some fish they saw allegedly doing the deed in Portsmouth marina of all places!).
Took some advice from some other MNetters and sat down with the great "Let's Talk" book which we've looked at many times before and simply talked a little bit with them about how babies are made and then asked if they knew what "having sex" actually was. Cue one blushing 8yr old!
I think it's perfectly normal for them to be a bit shy about it all but similarly it's perfectly normal for them to have some questions and for you to to find out exactly what they do or don't know, and to put them right if needs be.
Perhaps you could explain that "sex" is a private thing between two grown ups who love each other very much but that it's lovely he has someone he really likes and perhaps he could do other things with her eg. hold her hand, kiss her on the cheek to say hello / goodbye (as long as her parents ok with that of course!) etc....

But maybe give it a day or two!

[thehairybabysmum]

Has he he given the letter to the girl? That might explain the reaction if he has been teased or told off about it??