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Behaviour/development

Ok how do I stop my 2 boys from arguing/brawling cos' I am losing my cool

10 replies

Pancakeflipper · 29/08/2011 19:59

I have 2 kids ages 6 and 3. They are actually lovely, bright, funny boys, when they are not together.

Together they bicker, the younger one does want to be like his big brother and cos' he can't be like his big brother and do exactly the same things - well he opts to snatching toys, nipping, hitting, throwing, shouting etc.. He's a powerful kid and does inflict pain on his brother.

Our youngest had a very tough time for the first 2 yrs of his life and I think due to the pain he suffered in the early years he resorts to anger quickly as it is an emotion he's used to. He's not a patient child. We have made progress in getting him to apologise after a situation has occurred without it taking several hours.

I have watched them in action several times and the older one is no angel in this either - he can wind his little brother up until his brother explodes and all hell breaks out.

It is getting more and more, it's been endless this weekend. I stood outside earlier and heard them both in full screaming mode. It was mortifying.

We have tried various obvious tactics. The removal of a child, the removal of both children to different places in the house apart from each other, confiscation of toys, no treats, early bathtimes etc.... I have tried talking to them both about how they interact with each other...

I am trying to keep calm but my patience is running out now. Today I just wanted to burst into tears as yet another afternoon was in shambles with everyone glaring at each other.

And yet they utterly love each other. They want to play together. When the younger one has to go in for a hospital stay then they miss each other madly.

I need new tactics and guidance guys and hope that they will stop this and the sentence "Mummmmmmmmmmmmmmy.........He's hit me with the red alien and my nose is bleeding......" becomes a distant memory...

Someone recommended to me the book How to talk so Kids Listen. Anyone read it and reckon it will revitalise me?

OP posts:

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sheepgomeep · 29/08/2011 21:50

I share your pain as fighting seems to be all my lot have done these past few days. Strangely my elder two aged 11 and 9 get on very well so little fighting there but my dd1 age 9 and dd2 age 4 really fight, hit each other. Its awful.

I'm not sure what to suggest because I'm struggling myself but I do try and have some time to myself away from the fighting and bickering which does me the world of good and able to cope better

failing that helps!

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Pancakeflipper · 30/08/2011 07:53

Oh I often stand there policing the latest riot thinking "Chablis, when is it chablis time?"

Last night bedtime couldn't come early enough... And then they wanted a joint story and were good as gold, butter wouldn't melt...

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SoupDragon · 30/08/2011 07:55

Sell one of them.

Or give one away.

[experienced]

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SoupDragon · 30/08/2011 07:57

As an aside, DSs father broke his hand on his own brother's head during a dispute.

They had a combined age of over 60 at the time.

There is no hope.

[weep]

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aquos · 30/08/2011 08:03

Option 1 is to live with it. It's what siblings do. It will pass - eventually.

Option 2 is to keep them separate as much as is humanly possible. We called it divide and conquer. Very effective, but requires more adult input and I always thought it was sad they couldn't play together nicely.

As I said it will pass. My eldest is now 11 and is no longer willing to play with his sister. Now he's going to high school and she's still at primary school apparently she's a baby and he refuses to have anything to do with her. It certainly makes for a quieter life.

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KlarkyKat · 30/08/2011 08:21

"How to Listen" is a good book I'd also recommend it, not that I always manage to follow it but it's so exhausting to keep telling them off there has to be a nicer way!

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treetrunkthighs · 30/08/2011 08:24

I think a better book would be Siblings without Rivalry

I feel your pain btw

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bubby64 · 30/08/2011 16:07

You are not alone! It feels like my twin 10yr old DS's fight all the time, and I'm afraid they always have!
They drive my DH and myself to distraction, one is always coming to us and saying M did this or J did that", and we have now got to the point that we often tell them to get on with it as they are both as bad as each other, and I can hardly ever get to the bottom of who started what!
But I must admit that if anyone else dare to interfer or, God forgive, hurt one of them the other will be there defending his sibling with his heart and soul and often fists. Maybe I am a bad parent as I am afraid I have just accepted it as the norm, and patch them up as required.

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bubby64 · 30/08/2011 16:11

Oh, and I forgot to say, I always have a bottle of wine for the bad days (for me, not the kids not that thats a bad idea...)
No... I'm not an alchoholic...yet.....

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Pancakeflipper · 30/08/2011 21:47

Oh you have all made me giggle. I can relate to each and everyone of you and today I thought of you lot whilst my eldest tied up the legs of my youngest with a skipping rope ( we don't even own a skipping rope... but that's another mystery for another day) then hoot with laughter as his younger brother fell over every time he tried to shuffle along.

And I remained calm. Today I haven't yelled at them. I have made them hug each other and say "love you" after every battle today instead and I smirked grinned with joyous motherly love.

Thanks for reassuring me that I am not missing an obvious parenting trick and this is pretty normal and that there is no magic remedy. Makes me feel better already....