Hello there. I am sure mine is a familiar story but I am really struggling and would appreciate your patience and advice. Here is the context:
I am a single mom, my lovely only child daughter will soon be 2, I work for myself and we have practically no contact with my daughter?s father. We don?t live near family and have few friends as we have just moved.
My daughter is joyful, social and a petite rocket on legs. The apple has not fallen far from the tree as she is also strong willed.
Everyone said the first year would be hard. But no one told me it would get even harder as my daughter asserts her personality, no longer does what I ask her to do, and as she starts to scream when she doesn?t agree with what mummy says! And over recent months we have got into a bit of a negative spiral with these continual little power struggles.
They flare up when I want her to hold my hand as we walk along the road, or if I tell her to stop picking up dirt in the playground, or when I want her to get back in the pushchair and so on.
My daughter?s reaction is to ignore my requests - which go from calm to emphatic to desperate to irate. If I try and pick her up and take her away from the bin she wants to explore (for example) she wriggles like a worm and screams the place down, then runs back to whatever has caught her eye.
If I ask her to stop throwing her food on the floor and to leave it on her plate if she doesn?t want it, she just smirks, and makes an even bigger show of dropping it ? looking at me as if to say ?what are you going to do now mummy??
I try and explain why she can or can?t do something but I basically feel completely impotent faced with this little girl who needs me to set boundaries and stay in my role as adult rather than have a mummy melt down!
I don?t lash out, but I do lose my cool and I shout or pick her up roughly as I feel completely powerless and useless and totally and utterly exhausted and angry too as I feel I have so little left to give that this is just the last straw? and then I feel like a rubbish mum and I hear my mum in my own voice ? my mum is a woman who appears crushed by fatigue and frustration. And I am not like my mum. I used to be optimistic, joyful and full of enthusiasm about life.
Above all, I want to make my daughter feel safe, to help her discover the world but to also see and respect certain limits and boundaries?I need her to listen and take notice of her mummy. Let?s face it, if I can?t do this now, then I am doing her a huge disservice and things are going to get a lot worse!
And here is where I am really looking for ideas and tips as I don?t feel I anything left in the tank. Many thanks for your patience in reading this far and all tips and suggestions how to help a toddler understand a ?no?, how to deal with inevitable conflict and how to avoid everyday drama would be most gratefully received.
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Behaviour/development
Single mom struggling to set boundaries with 2yo
11 replies
OhMyTummyMummy · 19/08/2011 14:51
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