6 year old behaviour

[slock]

my little one has recently began showing the most horrific behaviour if you say no to him. the look of complete anger in his face is frightening. he has come up behind me and head butted me on my back - have absoloutly no idea where he has ever seen that. he has also only just started to eat again. he decided that he did not want food which i ignored at first but then he became so thin that i insisted he ate and i felt like he just needed to know what i said i meant. he is eating now but his behaviour is horrific so much so that where ever i go i feel like the look in his eye changes and we are the family every one is looking at. its depressing. i need some tips.

[banana87]

What do you do when he acts this way? What is your reaction?

[inmysparetime]

If he has a time of day he's calmer or more receptive, you could draw up a contract with him which sets up rules and boundaries for his behaviour. As you have said he likes to know what you say goes, he may be looking for steady boundaries and consequences he can anticipate. The headbutting is a classic sign of frustration, he need not have seen it anywhere.
Your rules will be individual to your situation, but you need a clear line showing which behaviour is acceptable, which is unacceptable, and what happens when rules are broken.
E.g. Bedtime is Xpm, DS will be in his room with the light off. If not, favourite toy will be confiscated for 1 day.
Swearing is not acceptable, each time DS swears he loses 10 minutes of TV time.
As I say, your rules will be your own, but have clear boundaries and stick to them, and DSs behaviour should improve.

[slock]

there are no specific triggers - if for whatever reason he cant do what he wants or have what he wants he goes crazy. I tell him no and if he starts he goes in his room to calm down and then i go back in and explain to him again why i said no and why he is in his room. he really gets angry.
I do use distraction when i see it coming too just to avoid it - this doesnt mean i give into him tho - when i say no i mean no.
We have made some family rules together including no shouting, we must do as we are told. we even put on the reasons why for example we must do as we are told to kepp us safe and healthy. They are all phrased positively.
The punishment if he does something wrong such as hitting his sister rather than going crazy when i say no to something is that he is grounded for the rest of the day and/or the following day depending on the time he does it. I think i am just going to have to perservere and hope he finally gets the message. My husband and I are working better as a team with this now. I also remember to praise him and show him how happy we all are playing together when it is going well. when i buy him something for example when we went ice skating the other day i tell him it makes me happy to buy him treats when he is a good boy. Bless him he does understand because when we left he said to me and his sister that he had a really lovely time.

[slock]

I wonder if my punishment should be something different???

[banana87]

I think keeping a diary is where you need to start. Record each incident, the time of day, what happened before the incident, the behaviours involved, what you did, and his reaction.

[slock]

i think that is a very good idea and will start tomorrow. i am off for a few weeks with him after today so that should hopefully help. bless him he has been a little star for the past two days. lets hope it continues!!

[banana87]

Slock, if you want to PM me your record I will be happy to have a look at it in a couple of weeks. I am a Behaviour analyst and work with parents and children having difficulties x

[TheSingingArc]

Hi this is my first post on here and I have come specifically looking for others who are experiencing this kind of behaviour. It is the behaviour of my friends son 5yo which parallels some of this and she's having difficulty controlling him and feels she isnt making an impact and is alone. I fear that she isnt coping well under the strain and she needs to know that there are other parents out there who understand and can sympathise and swap stories with.

Her son displays the same behaviour when denied something he wants. He can become violent when he doesnt get his way. I have seen him bite, kick, punch, scratch and use a lot of other tactics to get his own way. So your story rings bells in my head. I would be very interested in knowing how you get on.

Thanks. Chris.