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My ds (6) is desperate to make new friends yet is uncooperative and unpleasant when children come to play.

(10 Posts)
Carrotsandcelery Tue 09-Aug-11 22:08:00

My ds (6) has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression after a sustained and nasty bullying case.

Due to the bullying he has had to make new friends.

He is lonely and desperate to form these new friendships, however, when I invite a friend round to play he is uncooperative and unpleasant.

He won't compromise and do what they would like to do, he is not respectful of their feelings, he is not even kind to them sometimes.

This is not the little boy he was before this bullying began but I am forced to work with the little boy I now have.

Why is he doing this? How can I help him?

We are being fast tracked by the community paediatrician towards some help from clinical psychology but this is taking a very long time.

I have no idea how to help him perform better when he is in social situations and to help him make new friends.

Parietal Tue 09-Aug-11 22:14:47

Might it help to meet other children in a neutral venue (eg park) so he doesn't feel they are invading his space/things?

Or if you have a child over, have an activity they can do in parallel (make pizza for lunch?) where the rules come from the grown ups?

These are just suggestions, hope you find something that helps.

Carrotsandcelery Tue 09-Aug-11 22:23:15

Thanks Parietal that makes sense.

Today I ended up getting them to do some art stuff at the kitchen table - each doing their own pictures and the problem eased so I can see that would work.

Billiekins Thu 11-Aug-11 12:54:07

I would recommend reading 'Playful parenting' by Lawrence j Cohen, he's a psychologist and seems to know his stuff.
It may be a case of your lil boy having to play through his troubling experiences or rather express his experiences through play. This can sometimes seem quite unpleasant to adults.
The book helped me realise that even the sometimes unpleasant or unusual behaviour was really quite normal and gave me ways to help both me and my dd feel better and enjoy life more.

An0therName Thu 11-Aug-11 19:46:50

another vote for playful parenting -really good book
also I find one on one play dates - even when the children normally get on well can be quite full on and often involve some kind of argument -also remember that is normal for children to argue more than adults do
so as some else said maybe go to the park, something like pond dipping was a big hit with my DS and his friends today that kind of thing

Carrotsandcelery Thu 11-Aug-11 22:24:28

Thank you both. I will look for the book on Amazon. I am really grateful for help as I feel totally lost.

An0therName Fri 12-Aug-11 15:07:02

just to say there is a bullying section on mumsnet and they might have some ideas/give you some support
and from my experience of mental health (you are in the UK right?) - keep pushing for the appoitments - get the GP to follow up and possibly someone else - its does make a difference for getting the help your son needs

aliceliddell Fri 12-Aug-11 15:13:46

Have you tried 'Young Minds'? Great help with similar problems with dd. Does her school do Place 2 Be or nurture groups/social skills groups? No harm in asking. Good luck

aliceliddell Fri 12-Aug-11 15:16:46

www.youngminds.org.uk

Carrotsandcelery Sat 13-Aug-11 14:55:14

Thank you ladies. I will have a good look at youngminds Alice. Our school is very small and very involved with our problem and haven't mentioned any groups they run that might help. Maybe we could start one up though. (Yikes!)

AnOtherName I should have thought of exploring the Mumsnet bullying section but hadn't. I shall have a browse.

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