How do you cope with a 'naughty' 4 year old?

[Matildathebrave]

My daughter is driving me mad. She seems impossible to deal with at times. She refuses to tidy up, will tip out boxes of toys, then another box and walk away, when I ask her to please tidy up it's always a 'No!'. Nothing will make her to it.

She scribbles on tables, empties tissue boxes and hurts her brother.

Taking her shopping is a nightmare.

At school nursery she is well behaved and plays well.

I have no time for her older brother as no friends or relatives will have her. I often look at my little boys sad eyes as he would love some time back with mummy. He often asks why did i have her, saying it was so much better before.

How can I get to have a lovely well behaved daugter instead of this girl who is tearing our family apart and taking me away from my precious son?

[CosmicMouse]

Do you spend time just with your daughter?

There is obviously a reason for this behaviour, but I can't help but wonder if it stems from the fact you call her "this girl" as opposed to "precious" like your son?

[SquishyCinnamonSwirls]

Firstly, stop describing HER as naughty, it's her behaviour you don't like.
It does sound like she might be vying for attention, and doesn't know yet how to do it in an acceptable way so by acting out she's gaining your attention - albeit the wrong sort.

She is old enough to understand that that kind of behaviour is unacceptable so talk to her about it, say that you love her very much but don't like how she's choosing to behave right now. Is there something that she loves doing? Maybe setting some time aside for you and her to do something like cooking or just colouring in together?

You've not said how old your son is, so maybe you can do something similar with him after your daughter is in bed?

[Lucy88]

Sounds just like my Nephew.

If she won't put her toys away, then take them away for a week. If she puts them away, then give her a sticker and lots of praise (star chart would be good).

Don't leave anything lying around that she can scribble on tables, walls with etc. Do colouring together and praise her when she does a nice picture/scribble on the paper.

If she hits her brother, straight to time out everytime she does it. When she plays nicely - praise her and reward with stickers.

It will take time - but choose your strategy and stick with it.

[Mobly]

That's fantastic that she behaves so well at nursery! Do you praise her for that? Sounds like you have got into a cycle of negative attention. Start heaping on the praise (stickers?) for every little act of being good that you see.

Choose your battles. Remove pens for a couple of weeks, ignore the fact that she won't tidy toys away, it's not a big deal. I would discipline for hurting her brother- ask nursery what techniques they use and do the same at home. Consistency is key.

Stop labelling your daughter 'naughty' and 'This girl'. ALL your children are precious. Divide your time so they all get equal amounts of mummy time if possible.

[tallulah]

Is this for real? Why would you need friends or relatives to take her? How do you think other people manage with more than one child?