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Behaviour/development

Help me help dad stay with ds (4months) a whole day on their own.

16 replies

knittakid · 14/07/2011 17:56

Many babies at this age are already at nursery, so I know it's not a big deal, but I have a trainning day which I really need to attend despite being on ML and so need dh to have ds all day long. They have stayed together on their own before, but the longest was 4 hrs (the first time) and then it has been only 2/1.5 hrs before I get the call 'come!!!'
Do you have any advice on how we can make this happen?

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Ragwort · 14/07/2011 17:58

Who's worried about this - you or DH ? Confused - why does he call you home? . Are you being over anxious about the way your DH parents your DS - or is he being over anxious?

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thisisyesterday · 14/07/2011 18:00

well... you will go, he will look after the baby, you will come home?

no, seriously, what is it specifically you are worried about? is he not keen? are you worried that he can't do it? why does he call you back?

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Momo36 · 14/07/2011 19:08

My DP has on occasion looked after DD since day one (she's now 8 months). He does get worried sometimes that he will not be able to cope but when faced with it he is absolutely OK. I write everything out for him as DD is in a routine and he follows it quite well :). He has all the times for feeds and naps and at the beginning I did have to ask him to remember to change nappies regurarly. Practice makes perfect and now he's a pro! I'm sure everything will be fine. If you are worried your DH will forget things just leave him notes.

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Ragwort · 14/07/2011 20:07

I really find it hard to believe how some fathers are deemed incapable (either by their wives or themselves) of looking after their own child - God Forbid the mum is rushed into hospital or worse ............... I would never have considered having a child with my DH if I hadn't been confident that I could leave the baby with him Confused.

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thisisyesterday · 14/07/2011 20:21

rahgwort, to be fair the OP's husband does have a track record of calling her to come back after only a very short time!

i do think this woul dbe differnet though, he will know that he can't call and will just HAVE to get on with it

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CMOTdibbler · 14/07/2011 20:25

He will just have to cope won't he. Don't go rushing round to make stuff all laid out for him or leave a big list of things to do - just kiss them both and go with your phone turned off. Your dh will learn what works best for him, and be all the better for it

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tralalala · 14/07/2011 20:27

are you breast feeding still? if so try and get the baby to take a bottle before you go, if not you will have to bite the bullet and just leave him to it, mobile off otherwise you will end up like many of my friends unable to leave their kids with the dad who 'just can't deal with them'.

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knittakid · 14/07/2011 22:55

wow I wasn't expecting these kind of responses, I guess I'm weird. DH is an excellent dad, he just isn't lactating! he has called because ds has got in a state crying when I'm not around, last time after waking up possibly from a nightmare and when i got back it took me half an hour to calm him down. Our routines are pretty relaxed and dh knows how to do everything, I just thought there might be some tips or experiences that helped.
Ragworth, how were you confident beforehand? this is our first child, we are learning, amongst other things, that all the things that I thought beforehand turn out not to be quite so.
Momo, thisisyesterday, cmot and tralalala, you are right that this is different and he will have to cope, thanks.

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thisisyesterday · 14/07/2011 22:57

ah ha, so will he take a bottle?

when is the training day?

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cory · 14/07/2011 23:20

knittakid, the thought that helped me to leave dd with dh was remembering that when dd was newborn I was just as clueless as dh and no doubt got things wrong- but if I couldn't settle her that was just tough, she was stuck with me! I couldn't ring for some superior being to come and settle her after 2 1/2 hours Grin

I think fathers have a greater tendency to give up in this situation- because they can. Mums can't, they are just sent home from hospital with a tiny baby that they have got to cope with and afterwards they tend to forget how helpless they felt.

I think it was easier for us because we didn't have a mobile phone, so when I was out I was out and dh just had to cope. I went back to work one day a week when dd was 3 months old and dh did the childcare; he knew he couldn't call me out of a lecture except for a serious (read: ambulance) emergency, and I was an hour away from home on the bus anyway. I think this thought did help to give him confidence: he had to cope.

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CMOTdibbler · 14/07/2011 23:42

I think there is a temptation when you are bfing for the non lactater to assume that everything can be solved by bfing, when they just need to find out what will work for them.
I went back to travelling for work when ds was 6 months old, leaving dh to cope with ds who was used solely to bfing to sleep at night and during the night - and go to work himself in the day. He had to come up with his own tactics, and survived !

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matana · 15/07/2011 08:13

I seem to remember that our issue at 4 months was that i was BFing and DS suddently decided he preferred mum's boob to dad's bottle! It was just a phase, thankfully, and we got on top of it pretty quickly.

DH looked after DS for a day recently and the thing that made me laugh is that he always bemoans me 'patronising' him when i leave DS with him, by saying "don't forget x, y or z". He told me to trust him, he'd be fine. Then in the next breath he asked me to leave a list of info about naps, milk and solid feeds because he "doesn't know about that stuff"! Just the essentials then! It did make me laugh.

Basically, he's right - i'm a control freak and have just had to learn that his way won't be exactly the same as mine. But essentially he's a great, hands on dad who just loves the opportunity to spend some quality time with his son without his control freak of a wife hanging around Grin

I would probably just give your DP a list of the stuff that might not be apparent to him, that perhaps only you know. But if you're confident he knows everything just tell him good luck, enjoy and you won't be contactable unless it's an absolute emergency. And not being able to find the nappies is not an emergency - he can buy some more!

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RitaMorgan · 15/07/2011 08:22

Does your ds take a bottle? If he does then I would just turn your phone off and let your dh develop his own ways of soothing the baby. Maybe start off with shorter periods of time if he is very nervous?

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knittakid · 15/07/2011 12:56

He does take the bottle, but perhaps we should use it more often. The trouble is that the breast does soothe him...Blush.
We'll do shorter periods from now till then, next Friday.
Thanks all.

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RitaMorgan · 15/07/2011 14:53

The breast soothes him, but when you're not there his dad just has to develop his own ways of soothing him - it'll be good for your ds in the long term to be able to settle in a variety of ways. Just warn your dh not to use the bottle to comfort the baby was you can end up accidentally overfeeding - do you have a good sling or wrap? He could always take the baby out for a long walk in that if he starts fussing.

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knittakid · 15/07/2011 16:02

Yes RitaMorgan, we use a sling and you are right about having a variety of ways to soothe...
cory and CMOt, could it be called the 'I think he's hungry' syndrome? I know I'm not the only one sufering from it...

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