Bossy and not nice, how do you tell her mum?

[sunandmoon]

My 6 years old DD went to play at a friend from her class, and came back asking my DH if he "sexed" mummy!?! Her friend who is only 6 1/2 said to her that she sexed that boy, who is the same age... Because of the age, DH told our DD that it is not the way to speak about it and went through to explain things in a more childish way... which she knew already which is the way to have babies (the question came accross months before about how to make babies)! Anyway, last week she went for another play there and was fine when I collected her but then the following morning she was in tears when she found a piece of paper that the friend gave her, it was a kind of homework that her friend said that she needed to do and if she didn't do it, she would lock her up in her garden shed, would not give her any food, leave her in the dark until she dies!!!! Once a week we collect that friend to go to music lesson and now how DD doesn't want to have her friend in our car or have any playtime at her home. It is tricky because the other mum can't take her DD to music lesson as she has a younger DD, and it gets disruptive! The mum lives by herself with the 2 girls and was very unwell at the beginning of the year and i did everything to help her out... but now find it hard to speak to her about what her DD has said to my DD. She is lovely but then I know that she could get unpleasant if she doesn't want to hear what I have got to say. Her DD obviously needs help because I can't understand how and why a child that age would know how to say things like that! How can I approach the subject in the nicest way? For our DD, I would like to not have to collect her daughter anymore. DD said that at school it is fine, but it is only when they are both together that she gets bossy and not nice... even at the back of the car when I am driving! Sorry I just thought to write on Mumsnet and gets some help here...

[Chundle]

Ok my dd is just seven and has been asking what shagging and sex are and if i shagged daddy!! She heard this from a boy at school so it's highly likely that your dds friend heard it from someone else and she just thinks it's 'cool' to repeat it. I brought it up with boys parents in lighthearted way saying 'you never guess what dd said....' and went from there so it didn't sound to blaming IYSWIM.

If you really don't want to take this kid to music anymore can you perhaps arrange for someone else to take your dd for a while? That way it gets you out of it until the relationship cools off a bit x

[PlumSykes]

Personally, I would say nothing to the other mum. You can quietly stop any play-dates by not inviting her to yours, and being very busy when she suggests them.

Are the music lessons still on through the summer? That might give you a break at least, but regardless, I would put one of the car seats in the front, and let them take turns to have the treat of sitting in the front, so this girl is not next to your DD and upsetting her.

[sunandmoon]

Thank you for advices. x

[IDontDoIroning]

This little girl is unhappy and obviously needs some help. However it's not your dd's job to make her feel better by letting her be nasty to her.
If you don't deal with this you are telling your dd that this girl is more important to you than her.
It isn't your job to deal with mums problems. I had 3 aged 4 and under and I either took them all to older dc activities and made them behave or didn't go.
How close are you to mum? You could consider telling her that the girls haven't been getting along well, make it seem 6 of one half dozen of the other type thing and give her a gentle earning that you may have to stop the arrangement if it doesn't improve.
Her other dc is probably older than when you started the arrangement and may be less disruptive.
Also stop the playmates immediately.
There are posters who will make suggestions about how to keep the music lesson transport thing going but why should you. I know it's seems selfish but sometimes you have to put your child first.

[IDontDoIroning]

Earning - I mean warning

[Bonsoir]

"She is lovely but then I know that she could get unpleasant if she doesn't want to hear what I have got to say."

You mean she is emotionally blackmailing others into doing what she wants?

You and your DD need to stay away from this woman and her children - it all sounds incredibly poisonous.

[sunandmoon]

Thank you again for advices. I can see that you are all agreeing that DD should stay away... We have another 3 weeks of music lessons and then Summer holidays. I will make sure that they don't spend anytime just the 2 of them... and in the car making sure that DD speak out loud if her friend gets nasty to her. I ll speak to the mum regarding changing arrangements next term. You are right DD comes first! I am worried to tell the other mum about her DD's behaviour as i think as much as she is lovely to me, she could be not very nice if something annoys her!!! She is that kind of person... Thank you again for all the advices.

[colditz]

Take her in the car and at the first sign of spite, roar at her. She won't do it again.