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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

dd wants everything in shops and whines.

12 replies

familyfun · 18/06/2011 21:18

dd is almost 4 and has never been any trouble when out and about although she can be naughty at home.
in the past if she has asked for something in a shop, she knew sometimes we said yes soemtimes we said no and sher accepted that and we carried on.
the last month, as soon as we get to a shop she starts saying im hungry, im thirsty, can i have a snack, can i have a drink, can i have a toy.
i explained today that we were only going to be 5 minutes getting fathers day cards and then we would be going home so we wouldnt be getting anything to eat or drink and she had eaten lunch with a drink before we left home so she wasnt likely to be hungry or thirsty. but she just wouldnt accept this, she repeated im hunry im thirsty all round the shop, while we were choosing cards and then all the walk back. me and dp just ignored her after we had explained the answer was no but she just wouldnt stop whining on and on and on. in the end dp told her to stop whining as we didnt want to hear it anymore and then she shouted she didnt want to hear us either.

i used to enjoy going out with her but now i dread it as the whining is so annoying and people look at us like we shouldcontrol her, i just wish i knew how at the moment.

when we got in i asked her to be quiet as she passed her sister as she was asleep, so she squealed as she went past her, then i told her that was mean and she should be nice to her sister so she squealed again.

im fed up iof this behaviour.

sorry this is long but what do you do when they whine in shops?

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Dolcegusto · 18/06/2011 21:22

I really don't know, you could have been describing my dd there, she moans all day for a drink, a snack, a magazine, new toy. It's endless whining and it drives me crazy.

DD2 is starting to pick it up as well now and I find it so stressful going out with them both as I just end up shouting at them to stop whining all the time.

Hopefully someone who can advise us both will be along soon

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familyfun · 18/06/2011 21:30

i hope so
its a new thing though, she never used to whine, and i have never bought her a toy every time we go out so its not like she expects it, some of the things she asks for she doesnt even know what thay are, ahe asked fora blind pulley today , i think she just wants to ask for things and then go on about it for some reason, and i was trying to show her the cards not just ignoring her, we were talking but she ruined it.

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mummyosaurus · 18/06/2011 21:37

Now DD is at school I find it easier to avoid the shops with her!

I don't have any real solutions, DD is now 6 and has grown out of it to some extent.

It is important to never give in to whining, if you say no, never go back on it, but I'm sure you realise that.

I'll be watching to see if any wise person has good advice.

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familyfun · 18/06/2011 21:40

no we dont give in, if its yes she gets it, if its no she doesnt, she knows that so not sure why she goes on so much, not actualy sure she really wants the stuff, she just wants to ask and whine and argue.

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trixymalixy · 18/06/2011 21:41

Just always say no. I also get down to DS's level and tell him that I don't want to hear him asking again. The next time he asks I will start counting every time he mentions it and when I get to 3 he doesn't get e.g. A story before bed.

It seems to work with DS. I did have to follow through on my threat a couple of times before he got the idea.

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trixymalixy · 18/06/2011 21:43

I heard about that technique from someone on here btw. Wasn't my idea.

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familyfun · 18/06/2011 21:45

i think its just attention seeking for dd, at the moment she wants our undivided attention all the time, so when we are cooking or answering the phone or even talking to each other she starts doing something annoying like kicking a chair or standing on the sofa or singing loudly just so we have to say stop.

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Rosebud05 · 18/06/2011 21:57

My dd is a few months older but has been doing this for a while. My tips are:-

avoid shops whenever possible. Seriously. If you do go, be mentally prepared for 'can I have....?', 'I'm thirsty....'
keep calm. 'do you know what that is..... ?' in response to requests for a blind pulley etc
if possible, immobilise child in trolley or at the very least never have more than one pre school child on the loose
say 'no' once, explain why and say that it's hard not to have everything you want but that's the way it goes (my dd now says that she'll 'lump it), then say you have nothing more to say on the subject. Try to zone it out.
let her experience the natural consequences of her behaviour (as they say in 'how to talk'). Don't take her shopping next time and explain why.

I was thinking how this feels from my dd's point of view and it must seen bizarre to go into somewhere with lots of interesting things to touch and pick up and be told not to do so, and with lots of yummy things to eat and drink and be told that we're not having any. For those too young to defer gratification, it doesn't really make sense.

They will grow out of it at some point though until then my personal strategy is to limit opportunity for the whine-a-thon to occur.

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allegrageller · 18/06/2011 22:33

I had the exact same shopping trip with ds2 today. Also 4.

it also happens all the bloody time at home. Whining for crisps/drink/pudding/computer time (yes he's a mini geek) etc ad nauseam. All at totally inappropriate times such as just after bath in his pyjamas. No darling, you never eat crisps and go on the computer at bedtime, do you? But nooooo let's have a whine about it anyway....gah

I hope to God it's just a phase they will grow out of.

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HipHopOpotomus · 19/06/2011 00:38

Dd1 is 3.7 and has started this too. I find explaining what is going to happen in advance helps. Today I did 2-3 hours shopping in a very busy westfield with dd1 and a baby in buggy - without going mad. I explained we needed to get xy&z and THEN we wld sit down for a drink. I told her the list we were shopping for - presents for nana, cousin and daddy - and asked her to help.

When she asked for something I said oooh yes that is nice - perhaps put it on your birthday/Xmas list!!!!!! Or I said that looks like a nice treat for when she has 10 blocks in the reward jar (block given for good behaviour and taken away for bad). It worked! Much to my surprise we had fun!!!! Apart from when she hides in the racks of clothes in M&S. Oh and tears when I brought my mum a necklace for her birthday "NOT THe BLUE ONE!!!!!!!"

We usually don't watch any kids tv with ads and I think that helps. I do notice her wants are worse if she has been watching tv with ads at someone elses house.

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HipHopOpotomus · 19/06/2011 00:41

Oh and I never engage with the whiny voice. I try very hard to be consistent with this - "no whining - please start again in a nice big girls voice" which is usually followed by ahem and big effort to change tone.

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familyfun · 20/06/2011 20:16

oh god, she asked MIL for a penny for an ice cream today . i have told her before she must never ask for money off anyone.
MIL tends to give her money/gifts every week so imo has partly caused this expectation, but that in no way excuses my dd. she had just been given a doll, dolphin pencil and frisbee from their hols too, which made it even cheekier.