13.5month old throwing actual tantrums! Help!

[celebmum]

I'm talking real tears and grabbing things (toys) and throwing them?!? Accompanied by screaching and "uuurrrgh!!!" noises! This has all started in the past few weeks, what do we do!? he's easily distracted by a cuddle or another toy etc but should we being doing more?

DS has had a few visits to hospital recently, nothing too serious but involving a number of over night stays (ongoing thing, waiting for op should be any day) could this be a factor?

[FoxyRevenger]

I feel your pain! My 12 month old has tantrums a lot - she throws herself about as if she has been set on fire and more often than not bangs her head by accident then starts crying for real...sigh.

I am working on ignoring it (whilst making sure she doesn't chuck herself backwards onto the wooden floor and bang her head)

Not much help but you're not alone!

[celebmum]

Aww foxy! DS hasn't started throwing himself yet! hopefully someone will be along with good tips soon!

I once read on here somewhere never to ignore baby tantrums as they are only trying to tell you something and to them it's important and as they don't know the words yet tantrum is the only way they know how don't know how much truth in this but I can't help but not ignore DS when he starts!?!

[FoxyRevenger]

I'm not totally sure I'm doing the right thing, and obviously it depends on what's going on whether I ignore it or not (and I do ignore the tantrum, not her!) but when she goes off on one because..oh, I dunno...I touched her cup...then I'd rather not get into a big situation over it, just ignore it and move on to something else.

[MyLittleWerewolf]

My DD is 13 months old and has been getting overly frustrated like this for a while.

Celebmum I think you're right - baby tantrums are defused quicker and easier if they're not ignored - distraction at this age is a great way of providing them with something else to do/grab/eat or whatever and is fairly easy way to handle things in these early stages.

When this happens I make myself available to DD so that she can come and have a cuddle as I read that tantrums can be increasingly frightening for the child as the extent of their emotion often takes them by surprise. If she has grabbed something I don't want her to grab (a plug, a handful of earth from a plant pot, etc) I take it from her and replace it with another toy or something nice to hold. If she is getting annoyed at her inability to do something I'll try to help her, or again, replace the object of her frustration with something different. Sometimes when I can see tears threatening we'll look out of the window at the birds or clouds or go and see if there is 'a lion in the bathroom' as this usually diverts the anger.

I think at this age children are becoming increasingly aware of their limitations and are frustrated by their inability. It's been likened to understanding a question asked of you in a foreign language but not having the language skills to respond - they know what they want and can't understand why they can't do it. When I say 'NO' (this often leads to a meltdown) I try to explain very simply why;
"No. Hot. Ouch!"
"No, Dirty, Yuck!"
etc

so that eventually I'll be able to say 'It's HOT DD" and she'll understand without the need for the "NO".

I hope this makes sense, I've been up since half past five
(that is meant to be a yawning face)

[kenobi]

I posted on this board when dd started tantrumming at 13 months - I thought I had a year until all that started. Ho. Ho. bloody HO.

Werewolf's advice is absolutely spot on. Distract, distract, distract. Also acting out what might happen - I do a lot of 'it's hot! Ow!' with 'sore' face and dramatic actions (works as a distraction too ). It's cut down on the screaming massively. Except at night, sob.
And don't sweat the small stuff - eg, if you don't want them climbing on the sofa with shoes on, rather than forbidding it and risking a meltdown from an incomprehending child (you climb on it, why can't he?), just take their shoes off, sort of thing.