Baby not letting me out

[newmumof2at42]

My dd is 4 mths and cries unconsolobly when anyone else looks after her. Only in the evening when it is bedtime. Even my partner can't settle her and i have been called home when i was out to settle her - would like to go out the odd night but can't - can anyone help?

[exoticfruits]

Let your DP do a lot with you there in the background, bathing etc, so she gets used to him. Move to the next room when she is happy.

[madwomanintheattic]

you have to let other people do stuff when you are there, not become the sole carer, always and forever, until you want an hour off.

but tbh, she'll get used to it. the only reason your partner should be calling you back if she is crying is if she is exclusively bf and won't take ebm from a bottle.

otherwise, dp needs to work out how to settle her himself. however much she cries. babies do that.

to be frank, you have to settle her when the dp isn't there, and parenting requires hands-on work to get it right, not handing over to the other parent when it gets a bit difficult.

your partner needs to step up to the plate and be a parent. not a babysitter who calls the parent home when the baby cries.

[madwomanintheattic]

apols if your dp isn't a man, btw. i realise i used 'himself' when i don't know, really.

[exoticfruits]

I agree, he isn't being equal parent-he is being treated as a babysitter and he shouldn't call you home-however maybe you have been doing it all and he doesn't have the confidence. When he is there let him change nappies, get her dressed etc.

[newmumof2at42]

mayb i am a little over-protective. but is it really ok 2 let dd cry? ill feel guilty if i com home and dd is upset. but do take your advice on making dp do a bit more. dp always puts ds 2 bed (ds is 2) and never any problems there

[madwomanintheattic]

just hand her over when he gets in from work and tootle off and make yourself a cup of tea. or even take yourself out for a walk/ jog for some me-time.

even if it's only for half an hour, you'll have a break and he will start to get used to being on his own with his daughter.

[RobynLou]

if he's actively trying to calm her then you're not letting her cry imo.

[newmumof2at42]

RobynLou - you couldn't be more right. I never want her to get upset - but have just spoken ti dp and he is going 2 look after the kids tomoro night as it is ny birthday and i can get out wit the girls. Thanks for the advice girls - you have all given me a little more confidence and i am now thinking of how much wine to drink!!!

[madwomanintheattic]

fab. have a lovely time! make sure he does get regular hands-on time though - don't think of it as a one-off. let him get on with it and don't take over!

oh, and happy birthday!

[exoticfruits]

I agree-hand her over whan he comes in and pop out(even if only to walk around the block) start with small amounts. And Robyn is right, you are not 'letting her cry,' if he is doing his best to stop it.
As it is at the moment you sound like parent in charge and he sounds like the assistant-at least that is how DD sees it!

[exoticfruits]

Happy Birthday! Go out and have a nice time!

[madwomanintheattic]

(some men are a bit weird with dd's though, was he very hands-on when ds was tiny? as long as he knows it's no different... sometimes blokes get a bit traumatised by the idea of changing dd's nappies etc. just get him to get on with it if so, he'll get over it)

[newmumof2at42]

Was fantastic with ds and i think he is afraid of dd. I will have a great time thanks - mayb that is wot is frightening me - not being able to get out as much as i love food and wine a little too much

[exoticfruits]

I think what happens is mum is busy with the new baby and dad takes care of the 'old baby' and without realising it you get entrenched in roles.

[madwomanintheattic]

i did wonder. don't let him be scared of dd though she's still a baby, just a different shape!

have a great time!

[newmumof2at42]

Thanks everyone - will let u all no what happened!