DS (5) weeing pants every day, what can i do?

[vnmum]

DS turned 5 at the beginning of december. I am at my wits end. every day he is weeing in his pants. somedays it is just in his undies but enough to smell, today he had flooded his pants and was sent home in spare ones from school.
I am getting fed up of constantly having to wash his pants daily but also i don't want him to be the child who gets bullied because he smells of wee.

I have tried ignoring it, telling him off, saying how dissappointed i am in him, even asked him if he wants to smell of wee everyday. he seems in some ways oblivious to the problem. he won't always tell that he has wet his pants and today when i asked him when he wet his pants he said he didn't know. i asked him if it was before or after lunch and again he said he didn't know.

Is this normal? is it laziness or could it be a medical issue? if it is laziness or behavioural, has anyone any ideas how i can stop it?

he was dry at 21/2 (apart from these accidents, but they seem more common now) and dry at night by 3. He has only wet the bed 3 times since he bacame dry at night. don't know if that information is useful but thought it might help.

TIA

[vnmum]

bump

[vnmum]

ok, i need help before i resort to putting him back in nappies. DS has just been sat doing a book. he has just said to me" i didn't feel anything coming out of my willy, it could have been a wet rotten bottom", i asked him if he meant just now and he said yes. he checked his undies and said they were wet (they were). i asked him if he felt the wee coming out and he said no, i then asked him if he felt like he needed to go to the toilet and he said yes. so i asked him why he didn't go to the toilet and he said he was doing a book.

so is he lazy when he's doing something or is it physical if he apparently couldn't feel the wee coming out?

i am flumoxed

[coldtits]

It's neither lazy nor physical. It's distraction and the same thing happens to my nearly 5 year old. Take him to the toilet every 2 hours. he doesn't have a choice. Toilet before any activity, such as tv or computer time.

[oddgirl]

If he was ok before I would have thought a physical cause was more likely. Is he drinking enough? The bladder is a muscle which needs working out like other muscles and he needs to remember the sensation of a full bladder to send appropriately strong messages to his brain. Children who have statred school often forget to drink enough and ironically this can cause many wetting problems. Other thing to rule out is a UTI which can cause urgency and frequency.
Imho I would go for the quietly practical approach to accidents...dont make an issue and reward +++ if he gets it right but avoid telling off for getting it wrong. Some people find reward charts helpful but for me they never really worked as it was something my DS couldnt help so not rewarding him for something beyond his control seemed a little unfair.
HTH

[3littlefrogs]

Is he frightened to ask to go to the toilet?

What are the school toilets like?

I agree that he needs to be taken/reminded to go every 2 hours.

You need to talk to his teacher to put a strategy in place to remind him regularly.

[vnmum]

thanks for the replies. i have mentioned it to the teacher before but it was just dismissed as these things happen.
oddgirl he doesn't drink much at school. nearly everyday he will come back with a full water bottle and even at weekends we have to nag him to drink enough so it could well be what you mentioned.

The toilets at school don't have locks on so it could be that he don't want to go due to privacy issues (he has started to be quite private about dressing and locking toilet door at home) but he says that they are told to go to the toilet before lunch. i have told him to go at break times aswell.

coldtits i have tried taking him to the toilet but he gets very stroppy about it saying he doesn't need to go and then of course we have tantrums.

oddgirl the reward thing, do i reward him when he goes to the toilet himself or do i reward him when he has gone a full day or half day without wetting his pants? any ideas of good rewards?

[oddgirl]

Mmm-well the reward thing can be a tricky one-what we did (and DS had HUGE issues because he is also ASD and dyspraxic!)was be very matter of fact about accidents and encourage self changing,putting in washing machine etc. Sometimes this is such a bore that children learn actually going to the toilet is less bother! I also drew a picture of a body sensing messages to the willy and brain_I know it sounds daft but boys in particular love the science bit and this kind of got DS interested. From a reawrd point of view we would just praise, praise, praise when he went under his own volition an also casually remind him every so often. The taking him regardless every 2 hours did prevent accidents but didnt seem to teach him the self awareness we were looking for so didnt work for us-but ceratinly worth a try.

The problem with hydration is hard because what want to do is encourage regular drinking through the day-not try and cram in an entire days drinking after 1530!! Can the school encourage a drink every couple of hours...it was this that actually really solved the issues for us.
HTH

[vnmum]

Thanks again oddgirl. i did have a chat with DS last night and showed him his body book and talked about his bladder etc.I also asked him why he didn't use the toilets at school and became apparent that he doesn't like using the boys toilets in his classroom as there is wee on the floor. he is not allowed to use the girls or leave the classroom to use other toilets. he said he prefers to use the older boys toilets as there isn't wee on the floor in those but he can only use them at break time(i think he sometimes forgets to go when its breaktime because he is too busy playing). he did say he would rather hold on as long as possible rather than use the toilets in his class. I explained that doing that isn't good for his body and that is why he is wetting his pants and suggested he tries to remember to go at break time when he can use the other toilets.

I am going to talk to his teachers about both the drinking and toilets to see if we can find a solution

[coldtits]

Or maybe they could clean the damn urine off the floor , as this is a MASSIVE infection control risk and truly disgusting.

[vnmum]

well i did wonder about that coldtits, about why there was urine left on the floor. i did wonder if it could have been water from the sinks but DS said it is definately in the cubicle.

How do i broach the subject with the teachers without sounding arsey? i mean i can't really go in and say "my son won't use the toilet because there is piss all over the floor and you're not doing your job of cleaning it up" can I? But is it the teachers job to clean the toilets in the classroom or would it be the caretakers?

I thought the teachers might notice the state of the floor but i suppose if they are not helping anyone go to the toilet they might not.

DS did say today that he was brave and went to the toilet and he stood in the wee and didn't slip . i asked if he could have stepped over it and he said no.