Unmanageable 5 year old

[sleepdepcity]

I am writing on mumsnet for the first time, out of desperation. My gorgeous five year old boy can be the sweetest most loving little man in the world. However, often with little or no apparent trigger, he can also be very angry, physically agressive, and lately he has taken to screaming and shouting if he doesn't like something. So this evening for example, he refused to write any Christmas cards for his friends, in the end I gave up and said fine, if you don't want to do them its up to you, then I went off to finish bathing my older child. His response was to throw two piles of clothes/ironing around my bedroom and the landing. He also threw a stool, and scrunched up the two cards he had done for his teachers. Because I've run out of options of things to punish him with - time out never works, he won't stay put and/or hits me and kicks me - I ended up slapping him. I've never believed in smacking kids, I didn't ever smack my first child and yet, twice in the last two weeks I've resorted to this with my youngest. Both times I end up crying my eyes out after hes gone to bed. Just now I feel like the worst mum in the world. I don't want to be a mum that smacks. I've just reached a stage of despair that I can't seem to manage my son anymore and bring out the best in him. Any advice welcomed, PLEASE!

[greenlotus]

My 5yo boy drives me up the wall. How can so much stubbornness and fury fit in such a tiny person?

I put it down to: temperament (probably future leader), school, stress, tiredness, and general little boy-ness.

Is he getting enough exercise - little boys need a physical outlet, this awful weather coops them up and they get awful? Or if dad is around, going out and doing some football or bloke stuff like that.

As is often said on MN, IT WILL PASS but in the mean time, have faith in yourself, stick to consequences and if he won't sit still in time out then take away TV/computer/toy. My husband has a great line in effective consequences like "if you won't stay in bed you don't need your teddy then so I'll put him in the loft". You must totally stick to your guns though so choose them carefully.

Have to say though mine has been like this since he was 3, lucky you for getting to 5

[greenlotus]

You are not the worst mum either. Boys that age can be VERY hard. Even surviving is doing well. I am hopeless, always shouting, it's so difficult, thank goodness there are good times too.

Did he start school this year?

[sleepdepcity]

anks for your advice. It does help to know that someone else is finding it hard too. He started school last year, but he is the youngest in the class - August birthday. I think he's finding the transition to year 1 quite hard because there is so much less play time and his teacher is quite a cold character.

[greenlotus]

August birthday here too - I wonder? There is a school of thought that boys who start school too young do struggle, if not academically then with behaviour/maturity, but we can't exactly help it.

[SkyBluePearl]

I imagine he is totally exhausted after a first school xmas and tons of events/excitement. Maybe the card writing was the cherry on the cake - yet another thing to do when he needed to relax? Mine are very wiped out and they are much older! Also I think testosterone peaks about 4 or 5 if I am correct? At my school the year 2 boys are much less physical than reception age boys. Can you try and gently talk things through with him more? Or make things more fun and upbeat?