Because I handled it badly. Very badly.
My nearly 4 year old DS is being incredibly 'challenging' lately. He is particularly defiant - usually to deliberately wind us up. Getting dressed in the morning is sometimes a flashpoint so I generally get him (and his big sister) started 30 minutes before I need him dressed so I have plenty of time to deal with him calmly when he starts messing around. He used up the full 30 minutes this morning but eventually got there and I remained calm. But just as we were about to leave for school he decides he's not wearing his coat, hat and gloves. It's below zero and a 15 minute walk to school so this is simply not an option. I did try physically wrangling him into them but he's a sturdy boy and I got nowhere with this approach.
So, what would you have done?
And also, any tips for dealing with a child who refuses to do anything you ask him to do whilst smirking to try and wind you up. He is also now doing things that he's not supposed to do i.e leaving banana skins and rubbish lying on the floor. Again he wants to wind me up as he smirks at me when I tell him to put it in the bin etc. Some stuff just can't be ignored but any attempt to deal with his behaviour seems to make it worse. I should add that, despite being 1 of 3, he gets loads of attention and I make sure to spend a decent portion of the day doing stuff with him.
Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.
Behaviour/development
Ok, so how would you have handled this?
MrsGravy · 06/12/2010 09:45
I would have let him out of the door without them and carried them. Within 5 minutes he would have been saying he was freezing and asking for them, whereupon he would have put them on.
As for the rubbish stuff, well, I'd try totally ignoring him. Just pick it up and don't react to him. At all.
I have been known to step over mine when they were on the floor having tantrums.
If tv is on turn it off until he's done what you want him to do?
Engage him - let's do X together then we can do Y (fun thing) ?
erm... go into his room with a bin liner and remove all his toys and make him earn them back?
er star chart? X number of stars for good behaviour earns a treat?
Hand over hand - physically make him pick up (I did this with mine, yes it requires great strength so if he is too strong for you, that won't work 
)
Don't get wound up! Leave the room. Have a coffee. Develop a neutral face. Yawn. Don't ever let him see that he's getting to you.
And that's all I can think of atm. It's early and it's cold and I need more coffee!
My DD2 was awful earlier this year, behaving much like your DS. She was at her worst at my CM's. So, we started a star chart for her (at the CM's house) and, when she got to 7 (I think) stars, she got to cook with my CM - we chose cooking as it's one of her favourite things. It worked really well after a difficult two weeks, where she got really upset if she didn't get her star. However, we just stayed calm and explained why she hadn't got her star that day and that she would get one tomorrow if she behaved.
We found that the start chart was no longer needed when she went to school - we had suspected she was bored and didn't like being at home with the 'babies' and would appear we were right. She loves school, to the point that she wants to go even when she's not well.
You're doing really well if you can keep your cool. That was my hardest thing, and I will admit to some days when I just yelled at her 
You have my sympathy - my DS was like this at 4 - he is still like it at 10 
.
Its the rudeness and 'belligerent' attitude that I really dislike - I would love to know how to be a better parent, I try the sanctions, withdraw 'treats', reward chart, ignore the behaviour, try to discuss it rationally etc etc etc - what else? . He is an only child so he gets plenty of attention (note - I don't believe he is spoiled, has far less 'materialistic' things than his peers). I look at other mums with their sons who really seem to enjoy their company, my DS seems to hate me - loves his dad though.
Sorry, not much help at all !
Agree - don't worry about what others think, my DS often goes without warm clothes, even in this weather !
Oh god ragwort, dont tell me I have 6 more years of this :( I do feel better knowing its not just me. He's actually been fab this afternoon so maybe we've magically turned a corner 
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.