I want to be gracious about sharing names. Please give me positive reinforcements ..

[greenday]

My best friend (who is godmother to my DD) wants to name her baby the same name as DD. Not her Western name (which is some ways are more easy to share) but a traditional name, usually considered and tailored carefully for the meaning and characters.

I don't mind that she wants to use the same name. But she's been considering a few names (one of them my DD's) openly for the last few months but without acknowledging or checking to see if its ok with me.

Again, its not like I needed her to ask for permission. I would have been happy and flattered if she had brought it up ... something like 'I hope that's ok' in passing would be greatly appreciated.

Now that she's quite determined that she'll like to use DD's name, she's finally emailed 'I hope you do not mind terribly if we ended up with xxx'.

And now, all I can think is, I wouldn't have minded. But its not like you bothered to see if I did. And its not like you would change it if I did too.

But I don't want to be petty about names. And I wish I could let her know how I feel.

Does that make sense? AIBU?

[greenday]

Oh and also, I meant, positive reinforcements to be gracious ... not towards how I feel right now, which is, petty!!

[allaboutme]

So does your DD have a different (western) name that she uses on a daily basis to her traditional name?
Will the new baby have the same western name too? Perhaps this could be the point of difference? then it would only really be you and her that knows they have the same long name if it isnt used so much...

[greenday]

Yes, they will have different Western names which will be used more frequently than traditional.

I would definitely reply to say 'of course its fine' .. I just want to be genuine gracious about it, rather than do it through gritted teeth .. which I guess is why I'm looking for reinforcements.

I guess, I'm more annoyed that she didn't consider whether I would be ok or not.

[bellissima]

I take it that she is from the same culture as you (otherwise I think it would be rather strange). How often would the middle name be used? TBH, I never really understand why people are quite so bothered about having the 'right' middle name or spend so much time on it. How many people know the middle names of their children's best friends?

Also, in a way she is asking you now, albeit very late in the day. You are obviously upset about this and she should have mentioned it earlier but maybe it won't matter so much.