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Using same name as close friends?

(46 Posts)
forgetmenots Fri 16-Nov-12 16:04:47

I'm sure this has been done to death but:

Our friends have (unbeknownst to them) used our favourite and quite unusual boy's name. We've both been ttc for a while and been supporting each other through it.

Would it be terrible if we still used the name? It would likely be the same name but we would choose to generally shorten it and they wouldn't, and I would ask them first if they minded and accept their answer. How would you respond?

ClementineandLilac Fri 16-Nov-12 16:20:56

I would go insane! Don't do it!

ClementineandLilac Fri 16-Nov-12 16:21:37

Nobody owns a name but still there is certain naming etiquette

LadyMargolotta Fri 16-Nov-12 16:22:16

ARe your children going to grow up closely together?

ANd what's the name? (vital information!)

orangepudding Fri 16-Nov-12 16:25:49

Some people would be upset others really wouldn't mind - you'll only know if you speak to them.

Gwennan Fri 16-Nov-12 16:27:33

Fine if it's a name like Oliver or Harry.

Not cool if it's a name like Augustus or Humphrey.

forgetmenots Fri 16-Nov-12 16:42:25

They live quite far away but we are good friends - name is unusual but we would be using a variant for everyday. Should I not ask and just put it out my mind, or if I still love the name ask nearer my due date (due in June and won't be finding out gender, so have 50% chance of avoiding all of it entirely)
Thanks for replies so far

orangepudding Fri 16-Nov-12 16:49:35

As you live a distance away from each other I imagine it would be fine.

dreamingofsun Fri 16-Nov-12 16:52:38

how would you feel if your son was born first and they used it?

as others have said this bothers some people big time and others not a jot. without checking first you won't know - obviously there's no point doing this if they object and you ignore them, unless the name is more important than your friendship.

this has happened to us, and my opinion of the adults concerned has altered. i can't decide if they are selfish or thick.

GrownupGoth Fri 16-Nov-12 17:21:32

I would be cross, I know that no one owns a name, but I do think it lacks respect for your friends and also unoriginality to use the same name.

forgetmenots Fri 16-Nov-12 17:27:41

It wouldn't bother me personally but as you say I know it would for
some people. Those opinions are what I'd be concerned about, even though I know they're not true - I would hate my friends to feel that way even though we won't see them often. Thanks, this is really helpful

forgetmenots Fri 16-Nov-12 17:29:05

dreamingofsun if I asked and they objected I would completely disregard the name and come up with something else, I just dot know whether to try and do that now without asking, or whether at the very least asking respectfully is ok.

Mollydoggerson Fri 16-Nov-12 17:30:44

If this name is unusual but you both want to use it, then I predict it is the next 'in' name and there will be 3 or 4 of them in the playground. Use something else.

Mollydoggerson Fri 16-Nov-12 17:31:51

P.S. I wouldn't be cross.

forgetmenots Fri 16-Nov-12 17:34:27

mollydoggerson I think you're right, and so does DH. Know anecdotally of a few others (it's a Scottish name and we live in Scotland) - may be best plan all round! Just first instinct, after jumping up and down elated about their great news, was 'oh no, I can't call our LO that now!'
Advice here has been great.

dreamingofsun Fri 16-Nov-12 17:34:44

i would have been fine if our 'friends' has asked. as we would have said we'd have preferred them to choose another name.

our issue is that they didn't even value our friendship enough to ask - although maybe they are just dim.

they knew we picked a fairly unusual name on purpose as we didn't want our kids to be known as big x or little x or x+surname

chickydoo Fri 16-Nov-12 17:36:14

This exact same thing happened to me.
I just called my DS the name anyway, & shortened it when they were around.
Am so glad I stuck to my guns & used the name I love especially as we don't see those friends anymore ( just drifted apart)

forgetmenots Fri 16-Nov-12 17:36:44

No, dreaming that is very rude indeed, and I would be very angry in that situation too - I would never dream of doing that and would completely respect their wishes.

Thinking of just getting the name book out and seeing it as 'what's meant to be', though!

dreamingofsun Fri 16-Nov-12 17:37:27

chicydoo - drifted apart maybe, more likely they thought you were selfish bastards who valued a name rather more than your friendship

forgetmenots Fri 16-Nov-12 17:38:14

chickydoo this would be my one concern in the other direction- if I still love it in a few months, will I regret not even asking and not using it?! Thanks for your side of it too, all food for thought!

dreamingofsun Fri 16-Nov-12 17:39:55

forgetme - if you can find another name you prefer i think that might be best, as otherwise your child is just going to be one of many - as others have mentioned on here. that way they will have a name thats there's.

TuttoRhino Fri 16-Nov-12 17:42:16

Friends of my parents gave their son, born one month later, the same name as my youngest brother. They asked my parents beforehand and they didn't mind. I presume they thought that there was a slim chance that they'd continue to know each other through the years. As it turned out, my brother and his namesake are still friends 30 years later.

It's never bothered them.

forgetmenots Fri 16-Nov-12 17:42:56

I think that's wise. DH and I going to get the books out later and hope something jumps out (as that one did). I don't really want the situation to come up where I even feel torn, and I would love each boy (ours if we have one, and theirs) to have his own name. Thanks, I'm sorry to hear what happened with your friends - exactly what I don't want. sad

forgetmenots Fri 16-Nov-12 17:43:23

Sorry that last post was to dreaming

ClementineandLilac Fri 16-Nov-12 17:43:42

Well I think there is nothing wrong with asking them how they would feel rather than using it and then find out their reaction! Once they wouldn't be too polite to say how they really you think they would be honest with you?

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