Am i being unfair?

[Expectantmum2b]

Im pregnant with my first child (husbands 3rd child), i ve chosen a first name i really like and have decided my daughters middle name will be my mums middle name (after my mum and also because it goes well with the first name we have chosen).

Last night my brother in law was here and was confirming what we were calling our daughter, i told him what it was gong to be, he then replied "oh so it will be first name, middle name and then my mums name (as in his mother and my husbands mother). I then explained that it will just be the first name, then her middle name (which is my mothers middle name) and then her surname, and no other names.

He was abit shocked by this, maybe because he felt it wasnt fair just to put my mothers name in my daughters name. I now feel that maybe we should put the mother in laws name as a extra middle name (although im not sure i want my daughter to have a mouthful of a name).

I spoke to my husband about this and he said his mothers name isnt really nice, so he hadnt thought of putting it in.

Do you think im being unfair putting my mothers name in my daughters name but not the mother in laws name?

[WhenDoISleep]

Is your DH happy with the the names that you have chosen? It is a decision for the two of you alone and BIL doesn't get to decide your child's name.

[Expectantmum2b]

Oh yes husband is happy with the names, just dont want my mother in law to feel that my mum has been favouritised, if you understand what i mean

[minipie]

Will your DD's surname be your husband's surname, and is that also his father and mother's surname?

If so then that is the name from his side of the family. It's "fair" that there is also a name from your side of the family - that's your mum's name.

If you added in your MIL's name as well, that would be 2 names from his side of the family, and only one from yours which would not be fair.

[WineOhWhy]

The way i rationalised this is that surname comes from DH's side of the family, so not unfair for middle name to come from my side of the family.

[minipie]

exactly Wine, you put it much more clearly than me!

[Expectantmum2b]

I hadnt thought of it that way minipie
My husband has a different surname to his brother and mother (his brother and my husband have the same mother and father)

They did have the same surname at one point but the parents decided to change their surname to a surname way back in the family (great grandmothers maiden name)

But as that name was my husbands middle name , he then had his first name then his middle name and again the same for his surname so it had the same name twice in his name!!

So my husband changed it back to what his birth certificate had on it when he was old enough too.

Strange set up!

[jaffacakehips]

This is why you don't talk about baby names with family members...by chatting about names, you allow them to comment and give you there views. Which are never the same as yours

Your baby, you get to pick the name. End off.

ps: I'm with you on this...family surname is more then enough

[jaffacakehips]

Meant to say, you are imho not being unfair. This baby name business is tricky tricky. You can't make everyone happy. If you and DH like it..then that is what's most important.

[hubbahubster]

Yep, I agree with the surname thing. My reasoning when I picked my DGD's name as DS's middle name was that he already had DH's family name. I think that's fair enough, and your BIL shouldn't have a say. Especially since your DH is happy too!

[EarnestDullard]

No, you're not being unfair. What if you were using your Grandmother's name, would you need to use all four Grandmothers' names so as not to be "unfair"? We used MIL's name as a middle name for DD, as it's a nice name and it also happened to be a family name. As jaffa says, you can't please everyone. It's your and DH's decision, nobody else's.

[Booette]

My mil moaned when I used 2 middle names from my side of the family for DS1. Completely disregarding the fact that 5 of her other grandchildren had family names, and this was my sides first grandchild!

Totally up to you what names you use!

[Pandygirl]

No ignore BIL, if you and DH are happy that's good enough.

[birdofthenorth]

My DD is First Name, Mum's Name, Surname, and my lovely MIL never batted an eyelid and thinks her granddaughter's name is lovely. You can't name one child after everybody.

[Claire7179]

Your not being unfair at all. My mum put Louise as my middle name because all my cousin asked for me to have the same as hers. She also put in Ann as my sisters middle name which is also my aunties name. At the end of the day it is your child and middle names rarely get asked for.

[Lunarlyte]

No, I don't think you're being unfair at all. It's not commonplace to give your DD you MILs name as a middle name, is it? Certainly not that I've come across; not unless your DH/DP/OH wants it included, or unless you're particularly fond of your MIL.

[AdventuresWithVoles]

You cannot be "fair" even if you tried.

[SoupDragon]

From the MILs point of view, yes you are being unfair. However, both you and your DH are happy with it so that's all that really matters.

[PercyFilth]

As you're using your mother's middle name rather than her first name, will your MIL even notice?

[Leftwingharpie]

Good lord tell your BIL to name his own children and you will name yours.