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official name v name you use..

(19 Posts)
stella1w Thu 11-Aug-11 05:09:11

As everyone apart from me hates the name I like for my ds (and have been calling him for six weeks), I was thinking of putting it down as a second name so he wouldn't be burdened by it officially, and then me just call him it as I like it and to me he IS a Kaleo (see separate thread where everyone slates it).
Tbh, by now, it would feel v strange to start calling him something else, but can see why some people not happy with it, so thought giving him something more conventional as his first name would be a good compromise.
But am I just creating more confusion with all this?

Shanghai Thu 11-Aug-11 05:36:38

my husband and sister both call themselves by different names to their official names (one is I guess a shortening but is actually a totally different name and noone outside the family even knows her full name, the other is his middle name) - it does cause confusions (more so for hubby than sis) but not as much as you'd imagine. I know I've had to write a couple of letters for mortgages, visas etc stating that his passport name is "X" but he's always know by "Y". Never seems to have caused a real issue (though I do wish he'd be consistent - about half of his bank accounts are in one name and the rest in another!)
However..... If it's only you calling him it, you'll have difficulty getting it to stick. fwit i like Kaleo - v unusual.

iskra Thu 11-Aug-11 09:18:19

Ooh, using his middle name as his daily name actually drives my DP mad. His parents used his middle name from the start, & he hates the palaver it creates with new jobs, ID cards, email addresses etc. Was very odd at our registry office wedding as instead of marrying Fred I was suddenly marrying George (if you see what I mean!).

rachel1970 Thu 11-Aug-11 13:03:01

I like Kaleo and don't know many others. You could always add a middle name to give him more options later on.

But I agree, I wouldn't give him a different first name because for all official purposes you tend to use your first name.

Rhubarbgarden Thu 11-Aug-11 13:27:43

My mother was known by her middle name and the confusion it caused drove her bonkers. Don't do it. If you are happy with his name stick with it and to hell with everyone else.

startail Thu 11-Aug-11 13:36:07

I know lots of people who do this, never got to the bottom of why, except for a John smith who used his second name because his entire class were johngrin.
I always shorten my first name and that causes confusion enough, even though it doesn't change my initials.
My best mate,at school, has no middle. Mum thought her long first and last names were enough. No one would ever believe she wasn't hiding something embarrassing.

startail Thu 11-Aug-11 13:37:28

DHs third name is a bit daft and he does forget it sometimes.

FairyArmadillo Thu 11-Aug-11 13:42:28

If his name is Kaleo and that's what you've chosen for YOUR child, then don't change it. I don't like all the names my friends and family pick for their babies but I wouldn't even consider telling them unless it was something like Hitler or Fishface. Stick with Kaleo.

othersideofchannel Thu 11-Aug-11 17:59:05

Definately stick with the name you've chosen for your son, especially as you're happy calling him. Kaleo is a fine name imo. It is YOUR baby and thankfully we all have different tastes.

Congratulations, by the way.

MsChanandlerBong Thu 11-Aug-11 18:00:40

If you want to call your DS Kaleo then call him Kaleo. It should not be a decision by committee!

I would also recommend avoiding having a bc name that is different to his generally used name. It is something my sister has had to grapple with her whole life. Her advice when naming my DD: call her whatever the hell you like, but put that name on the birth certificate. The confusion (and when younger, embarassment) it causes to have "2 different names" is a massive pain.

GirlWithALlamaTattoo Thu 11-Aug-11 20:16:57

I and several of my family use our middle names - I think it's a Welsh tradition, and has outlasted any meaningful Welshness. It's a pain in the bum when I have to do anything official, and when the dentist's receptionist calls for (e.g.) Jane I have no idea she means me, but on a day-to-day basis it's not an issue.

But, if you love Kaleo, use it, and give him the sensible alternative as a middle name. Then he can still decide.

(For the record, I think Kaleo sounds silly and made-up, but it's your son and your decision.)

Albanymom Fri 12-Aug-11 06:22:05

Hi Stella, it's Albanymom (!)
Here is my take:
Using the middle name (or a nick name that is different than the formal name) is a PITA from my experience with my DD. First, people keep calling her her formal name even though I don't call her that or even think of her like that (though OK, it's her formal name, so I get why they would). It's weird having strangers (receptionists at museums who know her, etc.) calling her by a different name than I do. I try to correct it, but to no avail. Second, all her id cards, like health insurance, are her formal name. It really bugs me. I have thought of changing it officially on the birth certificate.
My view:
- go with what you want. If that's Kaleo, go for it. Believe me, other people's opinions don't matter. Yours does. And if you name him something but always think of him as a Kaleo, that is much more difficult for you than other people being dissatisfied.
- listen to your own voice - I was in your shoes and went around and around and kept asking people their opinions. I could not hear my own voice after awhile. In hindsight, I should have told everyone to sod off. At one point, I had a friend's 10 year old CHILD calling me to tell me which of the two names I had choosing between I should pick - it was like it was a festive free-for-all where people took sides. And in the end, it wasn't good for me because I was the one left with the decision, not them. They all went their merry way and didn't care, but I was left with my decision. So go with your gut.
- whatever name you choose, try to get everyone to be consistent in using it. It's a pain when an aunt calls your kid X, a friend Y, etc. You owe it to yourself to choose a name and let the world say it and not have different ones (a nickname is fine, but too many different names with no reason will do your head in).
- in the end, the name doesn't really matter. You will love your kid no matter what he's called.
I totally feel for you!!!!
Good luckkkkkkkkk.

NowWTC Fri 12-Aug-11 16:44:20

I was given a double barrelled first name but was only called the second part of it from very young (only my Dad used it). When I went to secondary school I wanted to use my full name. After 1 month I hated it!

Was very confusing for official documents etc.

I changed it by deed poll when I was 20.

If you like a name then use it as a first name I say!

SaffronCake Sat 13-Aug-11 13:50:05

Stella you're overthinking this Dear. He's got to have a name and you're almost out of time. I think you need to remind your family who has the last word here and then put your foot down. Enough bickering. If it's deadlock all round and discussions produce no progress then it has to be your call before time runs out, no one elses. It's brave. You can do it.

BeeMyBaby Sat 13-Aug-11 16:25:05

DH has always been called by his middle name, its never caused any problems and in all official documentation both names are written. He calls our DD by her middle name, and if we have another DD we would again use her middle name. I don't really see the point of a middle name if no one uses it.

KristinaM Sat 13-Aug-11 16:31:18

If i were you i would use kaleo as a first name and give him a more conventional name as a middle name. Thne he can chnage it later if he wants to.

nozmum Sat 13-Aug-11 20:20:05

This might already be covered in the "everyone slating Kaleo thread" - but could you bear letting everyone call him "Leo" (gorgeous name FWIW) or even "Kal"? Then you can go ahead and call him Kaleo for his first name, and everone who has niggles can shorten it, and he can be Kaleo to you?

JessKM Sat 13-Aug-11 20:55:03

I LOVE THAT NAME! And like other posters have said, its your child! Its totally up to you!

SAying that my given name name is Jessiah-Kilikina, so I decided to simplify that down to Jessica when I 'grew up' lol. Im sure Kaleo could do the same if he didnt like it, but most kids tend to grow into their names.

Deesus Sat 13-Aug-11 20:57:14

Fwiw my DH has always used his middle name and I go by Dee which is a nick of my given name.

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