I think my best friend has post natal depression, what can I do?

[Baby2018]

Hi All

Hoping you can help, my best friend had her baby 1 month ago ( Im also pregnant right now 8 months) I think she's got post natal depression. She was very tired after she had the baby ( understandably) but felt she was too tired to hold her baby/ change him/ care for him. Her family have been staying with her for the last few weeks looking after him in shifts and looking after her. She is recently feeling stronger and doing more with him but she has become very sensitive and is worrying a lot. Some of the things she's getting upset about don't really make sense.

Despite me messaging her every day and speaking at least once a week she started worrying about our friendship and asking me if Im ok and why we're not talking as much. Ive told her its purely because understandably she's sleeping a lot / has family over all the time and I dont want to disturb her / when I have called she's not been available. Ive gently asked her how she's doing but she insists she's just tired, Ive also told her how some of our other friends have felt overwhelmed by becoming a mum to try and open up some conversation but it hasn't worked. Initially her health visitor wrote " struggling to bond with the baby" on her notes but she insists this is wrong and was just because she was so sick and exhausted.

She sends me pictures of her baby but my gut says she might be doing it because she feels she should?

Should I broach the subject with her? Are there books or support things I could send her? I dont want to upset her further but I also dont want to ignore that I think something is up. She lives a couple of hours away from me so I cant check in with her in person easily.

any help would be appreciated

[BexusSugarush]

Firstly it's a sign that you're a really good friend that you've come for help. Secondly, great job as it does sound like she's struggling and is in denial. Without knowing her personal situation any better it's hard to judge what the best thing to recommend would be; can you possibly arrange to go stay with her for a while to keep her company, and then broach the topic? Maybe contact a local new-mums support group and discuss your worries about her with them.

It's very difficult as it sounds like she needs someone to come in and tell her that she is struggling and needs help, then to give her that help, but from her point of view it's very difficult to even acknowledge that you do need help, let alone feeling brave enough to ask/take it.

Keep sending her love, asking for pictures of her and the baby, maybe send her gifts in the post if you can, funny new-mum pictures online or whatever, anything to help her enjoy her new role as a mum more than it sounds like she is. It really sounds like she needs more help and support than she is currently getting though :( Sorry I can't be of more help; it's a really difficult situation for you both.

I'd say read up as much as you can on how to help her, what groups she can talk to/numbers to call to get support. But take it slow; she might not be ready to accept she needs help, poor thing.