seriously paranoid...are these normal worries?!

[Candice83]

Hi,
DS has just turned 6 months. First 4 months or so were very tough. Never got diagnosed with PND but certainly had serious anxiety. Over past couple of months this have got so much better and I am now so in love with being a Mum and my son. It's overwhelming me how much I care and I've started to freak out that something is going to happen to me before he is old enough to rememeber me. It seems so selfish of me but it is making me sick. I keep visioning getting cancer or something and having to say a final goodbye and him never remembering me. Is this a normal worry which I just need to get a control of do you think? I am very exhausted as DS isn't a great sleeper, and I did the first 4 and a half months alone while hubby in afghan. He is back safe and sound but its taking a bit of time to get fully adjusted. I wonder if the worry of DH being away, the stress of dealing with DS alone (and he had some problems which meant he screamed for first 3 mths pretty much) and just the general tiredness all Mums have is making me a bit paranoid. I suppose I just wanted to see if anyoen else had these worries and get a bit of support, hoping I can get it sorted and just enjoy being a mum and my lovely baby. Thank you xxx

[Theoldhag]

Your feelings sound as though they are in tune with the difficulties/fears that you have faced, it is quite a lot. Be kind and gentle with yourself and speak with your gp or hv, they may be able to advise you, offer you counselling or give you some practical information such as supportive groups in your area. Can you talk to your dh, family or friends about your feelings? I hope that you can find away of being anxiety free and enjoy your new role in life. You may find calming herbs (tea) such as skull cap, valerian root helpful but check that they are ok with any medication that you may be on.

[louiselove123]

Hi Candace, Sorry to hear what you're going through. I'm feeling similarly. I have three kids, the youngest is three months and I have just self diagnosed pnd (didn't have it after the first two I dont think) and am meeting with my health visitor to try to get through it. I'm breastfeeding exclusively atm so anti ds are not an option right now I gather. Im having lots of physical aches and pains and am convinced that there is something majorly wrong with me. My GP is a bit dismissive but has referred me to a neurologist for headaches but I won't have that appointment for a few weeks. Each night i kiss my children as if it's the last time I'll see them in case I die during the night. Awful. I also worry that something will happen to me when i'm on my own at home with the 2 year old and baby and what would happen if they were on their own all day without food etc. I don't have any of the bonding issues sometimes associated with pnd but do have some spells of anxiety. Here's hoping we get through this healthily and will look back on this period as a brief, low time in our lives. Hang on in there, I'm here if you need support. x

[Candice83]

Thank you & sorry for the delay in replying. I'm seeing a nurse tomorrow as have been feeling light-headed and worrying about all sorts of terminal illnesses!! I think I am going to come clean and admit my fears, worries etc as I have started to wonder if maybe some form of PND too. I also have no bonding issues etc but this overwhelming fear is now ruling my thoughts 99% of the time. The thoughts are so vivid and intrusive, like you fear all those things. I even convince myself I'm having a premonition and it's nothing to do with stress, PND etc. I have had bad anxiety also but that seems better controlled. I have always been a worrier but this is the worst I've ever been. Like u say I hope we get through this healthy and it's just a minor blip. Perhaps it is more common than we know?! Really hope you're doing ok and things get sorted quickly. Take care xx

[Katiejon]

Very pleased that u r getting help.
I also had intrusive thoughts after dd was born.After ds was born I was alert for any signs of pnd or negative thoughts, so when it started again I was able to get help quickly.