Since having DS 3 months ago by ELCS, my emotions are so up and down. I feel so detached from him at times. I look at him and can see that he is cute and it is nice when he smiles at me but no more than when any baby smiles me.
I cannot really say that I love him as I should. I feel awful for saying that but it is the truth. I waited to feel the rush of love that everyone talks about when having a baby but it has never come. I feel that if I was never to see him again, I wouldn't particularly miss him. I am looking after him and tending to his needs............because that is what he needs and what is expected of me.
DS cries a lot and is not a content baby, he will not be put down in a bouncy chair etc and doesn't nap at home so we spend a lot of time out and about, which gets exhausting. He tends to cry a lot at baby groups so I just feel like a failure when all the other babies are so happy and content.
I often think that going back to work would be a blessing because then I would only have to deal with him in the evenings and weekends.
My feelings are so up and down; I go from really low to OK. I don't seem to have a happy state where DS is concerned. Things seem so much brighter when I'm not with him.
When DS is crying a lot, I just can't cope - I become tearful and anxious. My DH is fantastic with him and just seems to know what to do and DS settles for him. I have dark thoughts about DS and these scare me.
The health visitor is coming to see me tomorrow for a routine visit. Part of me wants to be honest about my feelings but they are not continual and therefore I feel like a fraud, because at times I feel OK, although even when feeling OK, I am just going through the motions where DS is concerned. I am scared to be honest about how I feel and also about the dark thoughts I have, even though I understand this is quite common.
I'm scared that by being honest about how my feelings, DS will be taken away. I often think he would be better off with someone else but my DH and family would be devastated.
Sorry for such a long rambling post, I just wanted to get my thoughts down even though they are a bit jumbled.
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Antenatal/postnatal depression
Can I be honest with my health visitor?
2 replies
ScaredToBeHonest · 04/12/2013 22:13
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