There are very similar threads are on here all over the place, and even tho i've read them all, it doesn't seem real until you're experiencing it for yourself. Sorry if i am just repeating other things...i just don't know what else to do now. My midwife is useless...i am just a number on her conveyor belt of women she sees. Tried explaining how i feel but she just brushes over it. Husband has an incling of how i feel but i am too scared to tell him how im really feeling.
I'm sure most of my low mood stems from breastfeeding. I hate it. Feeds for an hour every 2 hours, then takes 40 mins to change wind and settle. Husband very alarmed at seeing me doing nothing but feed or cry (or sometimes both at the same time). Although i felt bonded to my baby when he was first born, every feed makes him feel a little bit further away. I have started expressing and giving him EBM, but i cant express enough to satisfy him so he's on top up AF. He's so windy on the bottles any time saved on the feeding now goes on winding. Im still only getting 15-20 min naps at a time.
I feel so guilty that im feeding him formula. I gave birth in the same week as 2 of my very close friends and they're doing brilliantly - feeding well, out the house, enjoying their babies and their new roles. I have managed to get a clean pair of knickers on this morning - a considerable achievement for me. How am supposed to get to bf support groups when i cant get out the house?
3 weeks in and I feel like such a failure - am crying while i sit here typing this. Feel like he deserves someone so much better than me as his mother.
Well done for getting this far! Seriously-what you're doing is really tough. Bf is hard enough when it's straightforward but at least you then get the reward of a baby that sleeps a bit and is settling. You are doing the most loving kind of parenting there is-persevering with feeding your baby with none of the yummy warm feelings of satisfaction.
There is no need to feel guilty about ff. That doesn't mean you won't because we are bombarded with bf info. That's not wrong, but it does make it difficult to make the decision to change based on the overall benefit to your family.
For what it's worth, I was one of those "out of the house, do everything" mums first time around and it did me no good at all. I missed the point slightly and was too busy proving to everyone how competent I was to take time to enjoy my baby. Second time-didn't leave house for nine days. No three - day ten and we might go out tomorrow. Great. Now at the moment it's not your choice to be housebound but rushing around not necessarily good either. And if the pants you've put on are clean and on the right part of your body - double well done
As I type, I can't remember whether you said you've had support from a breastfeeding counsellor yet, but it might be worth a try-maybe one from different organisations if you don't gel with the first one. Then if you switch to ff you can rest in the knowledge you were well informed.
But mainly hang on in there. It can be very hard when sleep levels low-I had a rough time after ds and I'm sure sleep critical there.
My DD is 8 now but all those years ago I struggled with breastfeeding as you are. She would feed for an hour, I would wind & change her then she would be hungry again. I felt like my sanity was slipping away & went over to formula milk. For us it was the right choice, she fed & was content for longer & I no longer wanted to throw her out of the window. At 8 she is healthy happy & intelligent & I am sure I haven't scarred her for life. Bf is great but you have not failed if you do not bf. My DS is 5 & after a traumatic csection where I had to be put to sleep as the epidural didn't work I didn't even contemplate bf. Now 8wks Preg & hope to bf but will not beat myself up if I don't.
Good luck however you chose to proceed but please know you are not a failure or less of a mummy xxx
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