To not even want to LOOK at DH tonight, let alone speak to him?!!

[ChunkyMonkeysMum]

We have 2 DS's (6 and 14 months). DS1 is Autistic. Currently attending a mainstream school but I am we are in the process of fighting the LEA to get him the SN placement he desperately needs. Lots of red tape involved!! He is very hard work atm, very frustrated, lots of tantrums, screaming fits & hitting out.

On top of this I am being made redundant (I currently work from home), so I've got the worry of having to find another job that pays as much, if not more than my current job, but fits in with my family as can't afford childcare, so looks like I'm going to have to work evenings or nights

DH's job involves him getting home any time through the day & then he sits at our dining table writing up his work. He complains about the noise the kids make, he never helps me out with them. He loses his temper with DS1 which just causes his screaming etc to escalate & then I'm left to deal with a screaming 6 yo, a crying 14 mo & a miserable DH!! He could go to the office instead of coming home which I feel would help the situation as he gets the peace he needs & quite frankly, so do I!!

I am spending all my spare time on the phone to the LEA/EP/School/SN schools etc as well as trawling the internet trying to find work. I could really do without such a useless miserable bastard of a DH on top of all this.

Today has been no better. I have literally spent all day on the phone in between looking after the kids & he's been a miserable sod since he got in.

So, AIBU to not even want to look at him or talk to him this evening ?????

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

YANBU
I expect you will get responses along the lines of 'he's probably stressed having to provide all the income blah blah but he should leave his work at work and be dad and husband when he gets in. Even if he's home less, he could help and support you when he is home.

[itsmeolord]

He isn't providing all the income, op is still working.

He is being a tit, YANBU.

[ChunkyMonkeysMum]

Thanks girls.

Yes I am still working atm, but have a meeting at the office tomorrow where it will be confirmed that my job is redundant.

We actually work for the same company & my job currently ties in with his. Sadly, a lot of the admin side has become automated so I'm no longer needed. We cannot live without my salary, so really he should be prepared to help out more so that I can find another job.

I just feel that everything has been piled on my shoulders. No matter what happens, things are always left to me to deal with. Our sons are just that, OUR sons, therefore, surely it shouldn;t be completely down to me to deal with them?

Tonight for instance, the Educational Psychologist called me at 5.30pm, he was on the phone for half an hour. DH knows that DS2 usually has his bottle at 5.30pm and goes to bed at 6pm, yet when my call was finished, DS2 was still sitting in the middle of the living room minus milk while DH sat on the sofa playing with his iPhone ffs!!!

[scottishmummy]

sorry you have so much on your plate.redundancy and trying to get Ax and statement

sit down calmly with dh.lay out all your stresses and your efforts for son.you do need his support.he needs to acknowledge your pressures

[posieparker]

Perhaps you could request that between 'in the door' and dcs bed he has to be a father first. If he can't wait to do his work then he must do it elsewhere.

Sorry it's all so hard at the moment.

[carocaro]

You are totally right to be totally pissed off.

When you are not angry, you need to talk to him and explain. Men wear blinkers, and need it SPELLING OUT.

Sorry about the redundancy, DH got made redundant in August, I was working but part time and that stopped.

[ChunkyMonkeysMum]

Thanks everyone. I wish I could just bury my head in the sand sometimes & pretend none of this is happening, but sadly I can't.

[posieparker]

Focus on a day, in the near future, where you can put away your troubles for a whole day and make plans for it. This has really helped me through some crappy times. Even if it's just ensuring the house is tidy and you've nothing to do but sit at the table and paint!!

[ChunkyMonkeysMum]

posieparker - That sounds great, but I just don't get the chance. I'm constantly on edge that the school are going to phone to say DS1 is being excluded again, plus I've got DS2 with me all day every day.
Sods law says even if I did manage to palm the kids off onto someone else for the day, DH would bloody turn up at home at midday & ruin everything!!
Would be very nice though.

[Hassled]

You need to spell it out to him slowly and clearly - words of one syllable. And make it easy for him - all you're asking is that he doesn't come home until he's able to participate/help with family life. No more working at the dining room table - from what you've described, that's just insane. I really hope things improve soon.

[saggyhairyarse]

I don't know how much it is but can you claim carers allowance?

[ChunkyMonkeysMum]

Thanks Hassled. saggy - I have tried to claim carer's allowance but all the time I'm working (even part-time), they won't pay out. Not sure they would even if I wasn't working tbh as DH is on a good salary, although his wages alone aren't enough to cover all our bills/debts etc, so I will have to find another job, and soon.

[ChunkyMonkeysMum]

Not sure why those extra asterix's came out there!!