to be really annoyed at this teacher?

[Mmmcoffee]

My friend is really upset about one of her daughter's teachers - daughter is same age as my DD, 11, and in first year at high school. Apparently FD (friends daughter!) came home with a note in her planner from this teacher, but the teacher had used a nickname for FD that is a short form of her name. My friend has always been against that particular nickname as it's very easy for children to add to it to make it a nasty name. Well, last week my friend put a note in FD's planner to the teacher asking for her to call FD by her proper name.

FD came out of school today, said the teacher had said she taught 5 girls with the same name (all in different classes) and she calls them all something different. And if FD's mum didn't like it then tough, that's the way the teacher works.

My friend was really upset but worried she's overreacting; I'm furious because of the teacher's apparent attitude (of course this is all through word-of-mouth of FD at the moment) and think that if a parent has an issue with a particular name the teacher should take account of that.

There's a parent evening in 2 weeks; I don't think my friend should wait, I think she should call the school and set up a meeting with the teacher to explain her point of view and INSIST on a different name for FD.

God that got long! Sorry all. Didn't mean to go on for ever.

[AitchTwoToTangOh]

how odd, and how utterly MORTIFYING for your friend. she is being a leeeetle precious about the name but who cares, it's her daughter. am gobsmacked that the teacher has told her to lump it, tbh.

[mazzystartled]

how does your friend's dd feel about the name?

teacher's attitude sounds a bit off - and agree it's not up to her to rename her pupils - but surely by 11 it's the daughter's call.

[Poledra]

Actually, I don't think the teacher has a right to change the child's name. As the children are in different classes, there is no reason for it. In DD1's (reception) class last year, there was another little girl with the same name as her - the teacher managed fine without changing either child's name.

I wouldn't like someone to arbitrarily decide to call me by a nickname.

[Mmmcoffee]

FD doesn't like the name, but is obviously trying to fit in to a new school with new friends and doesn't want to make a fuss. She has been called this name before in a derogatory way and her mum's afraid that if the nickname is used by the teacher it will become normal for the other children to call her it.

[edam]

Agree with Mazzy, you don't say anything about how the dd feels about this. If she objects to the name, then the teacher needs to be told. If it's the mother who objects but the daughter is fine, I'd leave it.

[purpleturtle]

If my dd objected to the name, then I think I'd advise her not to respond to it.

"Oh, sorry Miss, were you talking to me?"

[edam]

Oh, cross-post.

Ah, well yes, I think your friend should speak to the school PDQ, and not wait until parents' evening. It'll be harder to avoid the dd being called whatever it is if the teacher has been doing it for several weeks by the time the parent has a chance to object.

[mazzystartled]

PT, kid'd get into trouble then I imagine

op - if that is the case the mum needs to get it dealt pronto with or everyone will be calling her it

calling someone by a name not their own is a pretty bullying and belittling thing to do

[shockers]

"And if FD's daughter didn't like it then tough" ????
Where's the respect ?

[Vallhala]

Perhaps it should be down to FDs to pull the teacher up. When I was in infant school my mother was mortified but secretly pleased that I did so to my Headmaster.

I have an unusual name which is rarely shortened as there is no obvious nickname but it's not dissimilar to a name which is often shortened, IFYSWM. (For example, Carlotta is rarely shortened to Charlie but Charlotte is etc).

My Head called me by the nickname often used as a pet form of the similar name to me (if I'm making sense here!). I drew myself up to my full height at all of 6 years old and told him straight that I was NOT to be called X, I didn't like it, and my name was Y and that's what I should be called.

He never did it again!

[KurriKurri]

I would get in touch with the school. Why on earth should your friend's daughter have to put up with not being called by her name? Other children are not having to deal with this treatment. I've worked with large numbers of children over time, and I made sure I knew what their names were and if they had any preferred nickname. And if I made a mistake I apologised. I think its arrogance and bad manners not to try to get someone's name right - and lazy, its part of a teacher's job.

[Mmmcoffee]

Well done valhalla I'm impressed!

I think my friend should call the school PDQ too edam. She's popping in tomorrow and we'll have a proper chat about it and see what she wants to do. I might print out this thread and give it to her!

[Vallhala]

Mmmcoffee I've been an outspoken, stroppy cow all my life, see! It's okay most of the time but it's got me into some scrapes on occasion!

[muminthemiddle]

YANBU

I think if your fd can then like someone else said ignore the teacher whenever she calls her by the wrong name.

[MillyR]

I've never heard of this nickname solution. If there are lots of Janes, for example, then they get called Jane Jones, Jane Murphy, Jane Parker and so on.

It seems a very odd thing for a teacher to stick to their guns on.

[AitchTwoToTangOh]

i think the ignoring thing will just signal to classmates that she is riled by it, tbh.

[zipzap]

Not that it is ideal, but if the nasty teacher is insistent that she can't cope with calling fd her real name (which does beg the question is she fit to cope remembering all she is supposed to be teaching if she can;t even manage names...) is there a different nickname you could offer up as acceptable?

for example, if her name was charlotte and you hated charlie and chaz but didn't mind Lottie or lotta?

And when speaking to the teacher, definitely worth explaining how this child has been bullied with this nickname previously so it has bad connotations, if she is insisting she wants to use it then she can call one fo the other 5 by it and call the fd the right name.

[Octothechildherder]

I think your friend should call the teacher and have a chat - as a secondary teacher - this seems to have blown out of all proportion and what is said in class/what is relayed can be different! - it could be easy for a class teacher not to know not to shorten her name if a note was made to her tutor/in diary - class teachers don't get the chance to read everyones diary. Having had 6 jessicas in a class - it is normally good practice to call them different things even if it is Jessica B or Jess - but they normally decide on it themselves iyswim - not forced into being called Jessi etc.

what was the note for??

Either phone or reply to the note saying prefer full name.

[Octothechildherder]

I don't think the teacher should have said 'tough' though - was that from the daughter - sounds odd thing to say!

[Firawla]

yanbu, i think its wrong of the teacher. FD should tell her clearly that she doesn't like it, and her mum follow it up? if the teacher persists in it still then complain higher up, it is just rude. Also it could be seen as the teacher is bullying her in a way

[mowbraygirl]

In my grand daughters class there are two girls with the same name. To differentuate between them they are known as Sophie H and Sophie B and that works fine.