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TO STILL be pissed off with DH for sneaking out last night after I'd gone to bed?

(19 Posts)

Last night after we'd all had a busy day, I went to bed at 1030 with a migraine, heard DH on the phone, then fell asleep til 3am, got woken up by something and woke up again at 7am.

Went downstairs cos DH wasn't in bed with me, found him stinking of drink and asleep on the sofa. I found a burger box in the kitchen, otherwise I would never have know he'd gone out! And he wouldn't have admitted it.

He has a mate who is 19, who has just come back from Afghanistan. DH hero worships him and wishes he was in the armed forces, and whenever the mate is going to the pub he rings / texts DH, who at 39 is old enough to be his Dad. He has been texting DH for days -but we have a rule that we only go out once a week (lack of money) so as he'd already been out on Thursday he was being naughty!!

AIBU to be pissed off that he went out?

waitingforbedtime Sun 01-Nov-09 18:29:14

I would be annoyed but also, it is VERY odd behaviour?

preciouslillywhite Sun 01-Nov-09 18:30:05

of course YANBU.

btw love your name!

Acinonyx Sun 01-Nov-09 18:30:59

Wellmhow do you think your dh would feel if you had gone out and got drunk, secretly, while he slept???

Emprexia Sun 01-Nov-09 18:33:10

i think its daft to still be annoyed about it.. it happened, get over it... he's a grown adult and he can actually really do what he wants without needing your permission or approval.. you were asleep.. would you rather he woke you up to check it was ok?

I think I would rather he told me (note: not asked)- it's not just that, it's the money!!

Fabster Sun 01-Nov-09 18:36:36

He shouldn't have gone out without telling you or leaving a note. You may have needed him for something but calling him naughty is a bit bleurg.

It is a bit... didn't know what else to call him on a family website such as this grin

Emprexia Sun 01-Nov-09 18:39:49

you weren't awake to find a note and when you woke up, he was already home.

I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

And money or not, if my DH told me i was only allowed to go out once a week i'd laugh in his face. He's not a child for you to ground or call 'naughty' because he decided he wanted to go out again.

Lifeinagoldfishbowl Sun 01-Nov-09 18:42:35

Agree - if he had sneaked out whilst you were in the kitchen I would be a bit Pissed off but you went to bed - would you rather he wake you up to tell you.

AnyFucker Sun 01-Nov-09 18:47:20

never mind the going out when you were asleep, although that would piss me off too

I would be very concerned about the hero-worship of a 19yo

is your dh hankering after his youth ?

where exactly did he go last night? chasing skirt with his teenage mate ?

very dodgy, IMO

this needs sorting

he is a family man with responsibilities

not a 19 yo fancy-free lad whose time is his own

I woul be losing respect for this bloke at a rate of knots, tbh

Rindercella Sun 01-Nov-09 18:47:23

I think what the Countess is saying Wasabi is that she wouldn't have expected her DH to ask her, just to let her know what he was doing. Don't think there's any suggestion that he should've left a note?!

Countess, YANBU. I would be seriously hacked off with DH if he did this. Your DH is a grown man with responsibilities (with DC I assume?). It is not reasonable to feck off out without a bye nor leave and I think it is very odd behaviour for a father and husband tbh.

Malificence Sun 01-Nov-09 18:58:17

There is supposed to be mutual respect and consideration in a relationship.Being part of a relationship means you can't just please yourself.
Unexpected - what a very strange attitude to have, so selfishness is ok in your book?
If an adult is acting like a child then it is reasonable to treat them as one.

If my husband started hanging around with "friends" the same age as our daughter I would be very concerned tbh. It's a bit odd.

giggleloop Sun 01-Nov-09 19:19:07

If his friend has been away for 6 months then I can see why he wouldn't want to wait until next week before he saw him. If my DH was going out several times a week spending money we don't have I would be pissed off but to go out twice in one week instead of once as a one off is OK.

Parmageddon Sun 01-Nov-09 19:28:14

If I had a migraine, I would have hoped dh would stay home to help with any waking children, but I don't know what age your children are, so maybe not relevant. When I have a migraine I can't get out of bed without throwing up. Overall it just seems a bit childish waiting to sneak out when you're not looking...

steph101 Sun 01-Nov-09 19:32:33


I would have DP's balls off if he did that to me....

SCARYspicemonster Sun 01-Nov-09 19:32:36

wasabi - would you go out on the lash after your dp had gone to bed? shock

OP - yanbu

I think childish is about right, I shouldn't have called him naughty, I didn't know what else to say! Sneaky?

But we did agree a couple of years ago that once a week was alright for both of us, (no permission slip needed grin) but I guess as a one off I shouldn't really be going off on one really.

(Hey, I used to be so control freakish that I expected him home by midnight! Since we had kids (4 and 1) I am much more relaxed, I don't sweat the small stuff anymore... I have relaxed since becoming a Mum ,how bizarre..)

MN is a good place to vent and calm down isn't it. Thank you for your replies smile

Emprexia Sun 01-Nov-09 21:44:53


I go out after DH has gone to bed all the time.. however he does work nights grin

I would be irritated if DH did this and i'd have no sympathy for him or any related hangover sickness.

However, i wouldnt still be 'pissed off' about it 12hrs later.

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