To want to beat my husband around the head

[IamAlsoADreamerOfWine]

for two weeks he has been umming and aahing about coming to the uk at beginning of december.
I found flights for a very good price and told him the offer would end yesterday.
he said stop pressurizing me I will sort it.
yesterday i kept asking if he had spoken to his op manager and he still kept saying i will i will.
wel guess what he bloody well did'nt and now they have gone up by more than 200 dinars[400 quid]!!!!
I just rang him and said you know when you said you would sort it -well have you ? he says he will ring me later!
aibu to cancel the whole trip?
we were trying to do it on a budget.
I would like to come over but the extra increase would have paid our car hire and hotel.
I am soooooo bloody cross[can you tell]

[nula]

as long as you don't actually act out your head beating fantasies, no YANBU!

This would madden me too.
Could you postpone your visit for early next year when the flight prices are lower?

[GroundhogsRocketScientist]

NOOO, don't cancel the trip...

It's gone up due to taxation increases i think... plus seasonal, but the fares will continue to rise daily from now on.. so sooner you do it, the least it will cost you.

To cancel the trip would be unreasonably harsh ON YOU, so FGS, just get it booked asap.

Do you have to stay anywhere particularly? Could you just source a different area and therefore cheaper hotel? Look for a good car hire company, some of them cost a fortune....

I always used Enterprise when home on extended trips, they always came up more reasonable than the big names...

Easyrentacar, if you book it well in advance...

[gorionine]

Why does he want to come in the UK? do any of you have familt here? If so price should not be the most important consideration (also needs to be considered but after family IYSWIM?)

I speak as someone who needs to travel abroad wheneverI want to see my family. So does DH BTW.

We do not have a lot of money [live in rented accomodation with large family one one salary...) but if there is one thing we do "splash" money on, it is family visits.

Now if it is just for pleasure I might rethink.

[Wineonafridaynight]

YANBU to be annoyed. My DP is exactly the same - totally procrastinates on these things and then we end up not going places or spending a fortune.

Will you be upset if you don't get to come to the UK in December? In other words to cancel the trip are you going to be shooting yourself in the foot as you are missing out?

Maybe you could rearrange the trip for after Christmas when flights might be cheaper? If you do then make it clear to your DH how unimpressed you were on this occassion and he better sort it out this time!

Or which airline were you flying with? Perhaps the cost will go back down again? I know that some airlines (like Ryanair) have constant offers on that change every few days so if you keep looking you may find one cheaper or as cheap.

[IamAlsoADreamerOfWine]

Well we only moved here six months ago[middle east] and so were thinking of having a trip back home but can only do five days due to dhat dd bit of dh due to work commitments.
we could come after xmas I suppose but tbh it was supposed to be abirthday /anniversary /xmas present all in one.
We will have to pay school fees next year and also flights next easter so I know it seems petty but I just don't know if I can justify the extra when i know we could have got it cheaper iyswim.
Iwon't really beat him round the head but I am vvvvv pissed off with him at the minute!

[gorionine]

Is the Easter trip also back in the UK? I must say we only go once a year to visit the families (we usually make the most of the summer break and go on the Continent to see my family and to north Africa to see DHs) It would be srtetching it a bit much to do it twice a year.

Maybe postponing the Easter one if so many things hapen during the December trip? Or is the Easter one equally as important?

It is a tricky one really.

[IamAlsoADreamerOfWine]

well they both important really.we wanted to see dss and easter will be our trip back home next year ifyswim.
we probably will go in december I am just sooo mad that he dithers he is just so wrapped up in himself[another subject completely].
he knows I am not a happy bunny.
argghhh I am sorry I am ill today as wll and I just feel mad.

[gorionine]

I am sorry it does cause so much tension for you. I really hope you will all have a fantastic time if you go!

[Wineonafridaynight]

Big hug to you! It must be difficult when you have been looking forward to going and obviously don't want to pay a small fortune in the process!

If you do go, is there anyway you could stay for longer than the 5 days and your DH go back earlier? Just thinking maybe it would be cheaper for you and DC to get alternative flights back plus you get some extra time at home with your family.

I hope you get it sorted.

[IamAlsoADreamerOfWine]

well thats it then
he just rang to say we not going-and he is fed up of me giving him hassle and that he is trying hard to make a success of everything etc etc blah blah.and that if I am soo fed up why don't I jst go back to england for however long i want to.
do you know what I just might.
I am soo fed up here he tells me I should be happy I can buy what I want [within reason]have a lovely apartment,met some lovely people etc.
forget that he went to another country for five days and I could not get hold of him when I had to take ds to hospital again ,or that we never see him or that when we do see him he is always on the phone for work and then moans at us cos ds is playing up or I am stressed.or that there is no school for ds at minute cos of swine flu.
and that I have a chest infection again.
I just want to be home near my friends,my little one going to the village school with all of his friends instead of us in a place where i am continually gawped at and my lo constantly asked for a kiss and them touching his hair.
sorry whinge over

[gorionine]

IamAlsoADreamerOfWine I totally misread your Op and thought you did not want to come to the Uk and he did!

I am not sure I understood everything of your last post but it does sound like you could do with the break.

I am going to be thinking a bit out of the box here but, would it be maybe more affordable for you to pay the tickets for some of your dearest family members (or just 1) to come over and see you? maybe staying at yours so you could really make the most of their presence? Did you think it would be easier to move abroad? is it for a limited amount of time (work placement) or are you there "forever" I really feel for you because although I am far from my family, I know that if I was saying to Dh that I need to see my parents he would be happy to send me there (in a nice way, not to get rid of me)Maybe it is becaue he has first hand experience of really missing his family too. How close is your DH to his family? Maybe if he does not miss them as much as you miss yours he finds it hard to understand that you "already" want to spend some time with them and feel homesick?

[IamAlsoADreamerOfWine]

gorionne dh has no family they all passed away.and my parents live in orknies. we were hoping to go and visist uk as dss is there and aour friends [which are like my family]who have been there from when ds was born and we have done everything together.
we are here for the forseeable future with my dh opening each of the restaurants across the middle east.
I was apprehensive about the move and sometimes I like it but it is just soo hard at times.I am like a single parent for the most part which over the years I have come to accept but being here without my usual network of suppoet and the fact taht there is no school at minut and ds keeps getting sick I have just had enough.

[GroundhogsRocketScientist]

Why don't you come back for a week yourself and DS, you need the break.

This move is not working out for you, you've only been there 6m, but I remember my first 6m where I was and, while much more isolated than you, no phones, no internet and no going out for months at a time.

I know what you mean by feeling a single parent, try adding in cutural bollocks habits and being told therefore that Men don't DO helping their wives raise DC etc...

I raised my son in spite of the presence of DH. 4ys on and I'm used to it, but I do get utterly worn down by it all and feel totally uninspired when it comes to things for us (DS and I) to do together. I'm working on that btw!

Could you have the option of living back home near friends etc? You could pop over to see him every few months and perhaps even take the DSS with you? See if you can make that work for you?

Men working away often have scant understanding of how utterly isolating and lonely life for an expat mum of a LO is. have no idea how to overcome that, and neither do any of my expat friends.

Friend of mine recently gave up on the living abroad thing, because of the schooling, it's a total shambles, and not even guaranteed for starting back in January...

My DH only realised when I'd returned back home almost broken, and suffering panic attacks at being outside. That, I think, is getting better, can't recall feeling too tetchy outdoors, but DS has just been indoors for over a week with Chicken Pox... LOL, my former life was good training for that!

[fluffles]

you should come back to the uk for a visit - not paying his airfare should make up for the increase in price

take a nice break and let him carry on without you... who knows, he might even miss you?

[IamAlsoADreamerOfWine]

Ah thanks all of you!!
am feeling a bit better!!!
groundhog I think I know you-were you 6 feet under once? anyway living alone in uk is not an option-and for the most it is ok here -it's just some times grating you know?
Normally the gawping etc I take with a pinch of salt and just accept it but when I am fed up they seriously piss me off ifyswim?
Anyway it will work out I'm sure -I have made it vvv clear to dh just how I feel and he has promised he will try harder.
he bloody well better or else I will beat him

[GroundhogsRocketScientist]

Yes, wearing my Fireworks name...

Arggh, the gawping... do you get the women giving filthy looks? underbreath comments... oh yes, i remember now... hope you have my suggested retort memorised!

Only you can say honestly if you can actually put up with it out there. If you can, mostly, then that's OK. If you get to the point where you really can't bear a second longer, then you need to sit down with DH as soon as you can, cos otherwise it does lasting damage LOL

MY DH is home this Thursday after 6m of closing things down over there. Think he now has an understanding of how I feel now. He's pretty winded by it all over there too, and just wants to come back home. Bless him he's on the phone almost every other day saying he needs some there there and a cuddle, that they are driving him mad.

Now he seems to think that his own cousin has 'helped himself' to a couple of thousand dollars... Course, he's denying it, but he's the only soul that's been into our flat...

Hell will freeze over, and disintegrate before I set foot in that place again. Ahh the satisfaction of finding my old sim card today and binning it... I'll never be needing it again....