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Was i wrong? My mum thinks so

(25 Posts)
cba Thu 22-Oct-09 19:48:04

My mum comes over to help on a tea time maybe twice a week which I really appreciate and have told her this.

Anyway, I gave birth to my fourth baby last thursday so since then mum has been over a bit more to help, again I have been very vocal in thanking her.

The problem has come about because everytime my mum comes over she leaves her handbag anywhere and everywhere, coat the same. I have been asking her for ages, nicely, to leave her handbag where I keep mine and to put coat on hooks. We all keep falling over her things.

Anyway, it just keeps falling on deaf ears. Tonight, she left her handbag in front of the footstool. ds1 didnt see it, tripped over it and went crashing into tv. Thankfully no one was hurt.

I went into kitchen and asked nicely again that she put her bag away or when she comes in I will do it for her in future.

She said she was sick of me going on about it and left without saying bye to the children. dd was very upset.

Now she is sending texts saying I was wrong and full of attitude. I was really nice with no attitude. She also said in her texts that I should not phone or text her. I text her back saying that I would respect that until she wanted to talk but dd was upset at the way she left. She has now gone on a text rampage saying I am full attitude for telling her that about dd.

Am I wrong?

Please dont be too hard, I only gave birth a week ago.

Lifeinagoldfishbowl Thu 22-Oct-09 19:48:59

No your not wrong

diddl Thu 22-Oct-09 19:50:28

Do you open the door to her?

If so, why doesn´t she hang things up then?

bigchris Thu 22-Oct-09 19:50:38

tbh i would have just moved her bag out the way
but you're tired and hormonal so it's hard to tell you yabu wink
congrats xxx

JustAnotherManicMummy Thu 22-Oct-09 19:51:06

YANBU. She is being a martyr. Leave her to stew for a bit.

abbierhodes Thu 22-Oct-09 19:52:00

I'd just move the stuff as I was tidying rather than go on about it to be honest. But she's certainly over reacted.

beaniesinthepumpkinagain Thu 22-Oct-09 19:52:13


MY grandma does this and it drives us crazy!!!

The kids trip over it empty it drag it about and so on and she cant see a problem, i do, she has medication and fags in it!!!!

Just thinking about it makes me crabby!angry

RainRainGoAway Thu 22-Oct-09 19:53:12

She is a guest in your house.

A pain in the arse, droppy, handbag in the way annoying guest. But a guest nonetheless.

You need to apologise to her and in future grab the things from her and hang them firmly on a very large hook.

Best luck with the new baby!

CowWatcher Thu 22-Oct-09 19:53:14

I understand new baby hormones etc. but have you considered just putting them away for her when she gets there? I agree her behaviour does sound unreasonable. Something of an over-reaction as reported. Congrats on the new baby.

Casserole Thu 22-Oct-09 19:53:46

Oh dear.

No, you're not being unreasonable and from what you've told us, she overreacted.


For the sake of not letting it fester and so that she continues to give you the help you must need at the moment, I'd text back something like "Look, I'm really sorry we fell out, that wasn't my intention, I didn't realise you would feel so strongly about it. Can we start again?"

And then just either quietly move the bag and coat next time, or, well.... leave it. It is only a bag and coat, after all, compared to the help your Mum brings.

Tortington Thu 22-Oct-09 19:53:50

congrats conrats congrats.

erm...yabu - shes helping oyu out a lot i assume -so why don't you move it and just keep the peace?

no - she shouldn't leave it anywhere - but she does and maybe her annoying bag leaving anywhere habit is a small price to pay for lovely quality help.

on the other hand if she is nohelp and is sticking her beak in - then it changes the perspective somewhat - however i am going which the info in the op

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne Thu 22-Oct-09 19:53:57

I would just hand it up myself tbh...

cba Thu 22-Oct-09 19:54:05

thank you everyone. I didnt open the door to her tonight one of the children did.

Will just leave her for a while and see what happens. She often goes like this from time to time but is starting to get a bit tiresome.

She has also done this when the kids have been up before. It is this that I dont like, making a scene in front of them and causing upset when there is no need to.

mamalovesmojitos Thu 22-Oct-09 19:54:48

i know you must be tired and feeling a bit all over the place so i will say it gently when i say YABU. smile

she is good to help you and if i were you i would just pick up her bag myself- only take a second.

Romanarama Thu 22-Oct-09 19:59:36

Put up a new hook for her (well in the circs get dh to do it), and instruct the most sensible of your dcs to put the bag on it when grandma comes. And tell her you don't want a row so there's the solution, and thank you for coming etc.

barbigirl Thu 22-Oct-09 20:00:28

You are not wrong, neither is she. It's just the kind of silly thing that happens when people are knackered on all sides. It sounds like she was very hurt- probably a massive overreaction on her part- possibly because of guilt at what happened to your dd?
The quickest way to resolve it might be to just say sorry ( even though I don't think you're 'wrong' and it drives me bonkers when people strew their stuff everywhere) and say that you love her and appreciate her again. I know strictly speaking that's not 'fair' but she sounds like a good egg with one annoying habit. Basically, you're average mum!

cba Thu 22-Oct-09 20:07:17

thanks everyone, think i will pick a card up for her tomorrow and send it in the post to say thank you for helping.

No point phoning she will not answer the phone.

diddl Thu 22-Oct-09 20:10:03

If for some reason she wants to keep it with her, I could go with that, but she needs to put it somewhere safe.

What if you had fallen over whilst carrying baby?

But I think as she is helping you a lot you might need to go some way to apologising.

But tbh, in your situation I think "blöödy hell mother, what is it with you & that dämn bag" might have escaped!blush

barbigirl Thu 22-Oct-09 20:29:55

Actually, if I'm honest, though I hate having other people's stuff taking up space at my house, I hate not having my bag really close by when I'm at someone else's!

cba Thu 22-Oct-09 20:33:33

didl, that nearly did escape my mouth, but i didnt which I thought was quite good after months of saying about this bag then me moving it!!

chegirlknowswhereyoulive Thu 22-Oct-09 20:45:12

My mum did a similar thing after I had DS2. She came to stay to 'help' with DD. She insisted on leaving her tons of medication at toddler level the whole time. She got very offended when I asked her not to please.

She packed her bags and stood at the door steaming, expecting me to beg her to stay.

I didnt.

iamaLeafontheWind Thu 22-Oct-09 21:26:48

Could you hand your DC something, like, oh Ragu or similar & ensure it 'accidently' ends up in the handbag? wink

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Thu 22-Oct-09 21:45:17

YANBU you've just given birth and you've got kids, let alone more obstacles about the place.

She needs to get a grip, what is she doing sending bitchy txts to someone who's just had a baby?

She should apologise. Ignore the txts.

anonymous85 Fri 23-Oct-09 04:05:58

Maybe just hang it up yourself save the hassle, she is helping you out a lot, takes a few seconds to hang it up?

cba Fri 23-Oct-09 09:35:59

thanks everyone for being kind and not hard. Having slept on it, I have decided to just leave her be for a few days. I do think she has overreacted especially as I was really nice about it.

I think she will probably play the hormonal card anyway with me. I also thinks she does this from time to time to exert a type of authority as if to say well I help you so you should not say anything, if that makes sense.

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