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I think ex's partner is being nasty to DD

(21 Posts)
Scoins Wed 16-Sep-09 12:50:35

DD lives with her father and his girlfriend has just moved in with them. She sounds like a complete nutcase and I'm starting to worry about DD who is constantly upset.
The woman is always making up new wierd rules it seems to alienate DD. Like for instance she's not allowed to sit on their bed as its "private", if she has an accident on a night she's not allowed to put her dirty clothes in the wash-basket near "her" clothes, they have to be kept seperate. She has to be upstairs for 9pm so they can have "alone time" and now she's trying to force DD to join clubs etc so she's not "constantly in the house".

During the summer she apparantly tried to make ex leave DD at home during days out because she "couldn't be doing with the whinging" (DD heard these exact words).

There's other stuff too like for instance DD's phone keeps going missing, her dad goes nuts at her and then its suddenly found where DD swears she'd already looked and it wasn't there. Last weekend she couldn't find the phone, it wasn't in her bag where she'd left it and it was eventually found zipped into her coat pocket (she never puts it in her pocket). Her dad had a go at her that time too.

If I say anything its going to look like I'm just bitter and trying to cause trouble but she is upset.

posieparker Wed 16-Sep-09 12:51:54

How old is your DD and why is she living with her father?

Stigaloid Wed 16-Sep-09 12:53:23

Has she spoken to her father? You need to sit down with him and have a word and tell him you are concerned and that DD is upset. Sounds like a horrible situation for her to be in, poor love.

RealityIsNOTDetoxing Wed 16-Sep-09 12:55:53

Message withdrawn

itsmeolord Wed 16-Sep-09 13:22:19

FGS why is it relevent to know the reason why the child lives with her father?

yanbu to be concerned op, what's your relationship like with your ex? Is it decent enough that you can talk to each other about any issues with your dd?

RealityIsNOTDetoxing Wed 16-Sep-09 13:23:16

Message withdrawn

JeMeSouviens Wed 16-Sep-09 13:32:53

I personally don't think anything in your 2nd paragraph is weird, but maybe I'm weird too.

How old is your DD? Is she taking things the wrong way? I always had communication problems with DH's DD as neither of us listened to each other properly, or asked follow up questions.

Is she forcing DD to join clubs because she thinks she'd actually like doing them?

The alone time, private bedroom, and not putting urine soaked clothes in with the others, are not weird by any stretch.

Saying that she "couldn't be doing with the whinging" on days out, yes that is unkind to your DD. How does she normally behave?

Is your DD feeling vulnerable due to her moving in? Is it your DD telling you all of these things? Why don't you have a quiet word with your ex to see how your DD is coping with the new living arrangement to open the dialogue?

Hando Wed 16-Sep-09 13:39:04

How old is your dd? I wouldn't expect my dd (5) to change her own clothes or put the dirty ones in the laundry if she had an accident during the night!

"Forcing" or "strongly encouraging"? Totally different and a young child may not be able to see the difference.

What wrong with being in bedroom for 9pm? I also believe adults need adult time. I do often let dd stay up late if me and her watch a dvd or go to a bbq or similar at the weekends but if we had adult friends round for dinner sya then she'd be expected to go to bed by 9pm and can read if she wants to.

Also - why does dd live with her father? If he had PR then you need to let him decide what's best for her. or have her live with you.

AnyFucker Wed 16-Sep-09 14:50:11

come on reality, call it, I dare you grin

StayFrosty Wed 16-Sep-09 14:51:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Portofino Wed 16-Sep-09 14:54:28

It fooled me! grin

FarkinBarkin Wed 16-Sep-09 14:56:25

Is the dd 12yrs old by any chance?

<groundhog day>

JackBauer Wed 16-Sep-09 14:57:21

<chickens out>

RealityIsNOTDetoxing Wed 16-Sep-09 14:59:43

Message withdrawn

StayFrosty Wed 16-Sep-09 15:01:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RealityIsNOTDetoxing Wed 16-Sep-09 15:03:51

Message withdrawn

JeMeSouviens Wed 16-Sep-09 15:06:57

<scratches head quizzically>

scattykatty Wed 16-Sep-09 15:07:20

Huh?! I think I'm missing something blush

MoonTheLoon Wed 16-Sep-09 15:07:30

Ha I've been watching you guys spot the trolls today (not a stalker honest hmm) and I spotted this one from the outset! <feels very superior>

AnyFucker Wed 16-Sep-09 15:07:52


I daren't call the trolls. I got it wrong once and was mortified.

Let someone else do it, tee-hee

MichKit Thu 17-Sep-09 11:31:20

Was just about to reply all reassuring and all that! blush

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