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AIBU with my Dp?

(16 Posts)
MissSunny Tue 01-Sep-09 13:27:41

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MmeLindt Tue 01-Sep-09 13:31:33

If he is not ready to commit to you and your Ds after 2 years then I don't think that he ever will. Sorry.

How is your relationship otherwise?

How old is he? He sounds quite immature.

I am probably not the best person to advice you though, as I have moved from UK to Germany to Switzerland with my DH so the thought of someone not moving 15 miles is quite strange.

itsmeolord Tue 01-Sep-09 13:31:52

He is just not that into you. Sorry. I think that after nearly two years it is long enough to have thought about how the next step would work and to have discussed that at length with each other.

MissSunny Tue 01-Sep-09 13:34:49

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diddl Tue 01-Sep-09 13:36:21

Unless he´s very young, then after 2yrs, I think it´s commit or move on,TBH.
It certainly isn´t early days!
He could learn to drive to visit friends & family.
If someone wanted tostay by Mummy, you wouldn´t see me for dust!

MissSunny Tue 01-Sep-09 13:36:32

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MissSunny Tue 01-Sep-09 13:37:09

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mumoverseas Tue 01-Sep-09 13:39:29

agree with MmeLindt he does sound very immature and also sounds a bit of a mummy's boy?

I also can't see the big deal in moving 15 miles. I gave up my job and moved 3,000 miles leaving all my family and friends behind just to be with DH

titchy Tue 01-Sep-09 13:43:09

So he's happy to have his girlfriend half an hour away but not his mum? Sorry alarm bells wold be ringing with me too. He seems more committed to his current life than to one with you.

itsmeolord Tue 01-Sep-09 13:48:46

He makes the effort to do all these things because it's fun when he can go home and leave you to do the putting tired grotty child to bed type things.

He isn't that into you because he won't commit to moving forward.
If you move in with someone you are involved in everything, if you don't live with someone you can pick and choose the bits you want. All the difficult or less palatable tasks can be avoided.

diddl Tue 01-Sep-09 13:53:23

I got confused with the "I drive, he doesn´t".

PrincessToadstool Tue 01-Sep-09 13:56:41

OP says he drives, she doesn't

MissSunny Tue 01-Sep-09 14:27:28

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junglist1 Tue 01-Sep-09 14:43:59

OK alarm bells are ringing slghtly, but there's also positive signs, such as talking about your future as a family. He sounds younger than you, TBH, in mentality if not age. Maybe he just needs you to insist, the threat of you walking might be enough. I hope your talk goes well

madameDefarge Tue 01-Sep-09 14:58:35

YNBU to have dreams and aspirations for your relationship, and YANBU to want what you want.

However, if he does not want these things, it doesn't necessarily make him a bad person, he might just not be ready for all that. I don't think being cross is the way to go. He might well be younger, more immature, but people develop as they develop.

what you have to decide is where your dreams and aspirations coincide. If you can frame it that way, maybe you can find a way forward?

If they don't, then it is sad, but that is no reason to have rows and begin to hurt each other. He needs to understand how important this is to you, not that it is something that he has to do to be with you. However, if he is not prepared to be open to changes, then you can tell him that you no longer consider the relationship to be a long term prospect for you, and you will continue on that basis. Or not. But it doesn't have to be a big drama.

I hope that makes sense.

madameDefarge Tue 01-Sep-09 15:03:02

oh, I see he initially suggested it!

I have a close relative whose dp always has massive backing off hissy fits whenever big life changes are about to happen. She knows it, and has learnt to manage it. Ie, he freaked out when they were about to move in together, then he freaked out when they planned to buy a house together, then when they planned a baby....its just something he does, and always comes out of it ok. She knows this, plans for it, and rides the waves....and they are the happiest couple I know. He is totally devoted to her and their baby, he just has wobbles.

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