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Not to want to chip in £1000 with my family for this......

(63 Posts)
pregnantpeppa Sun 30-Aug-09 22:03:51

My great-aunty died in February this year. The executor is a family friend. Now, he was left £1000 in the will, but there are four of us getting a share of the house. My great-aunt had spoken about changing the will before her death to make me executor as I was willing to do it and she thought it would be better to be a family member, but hadn't got round to it. When she died I offered to take over executor duties but family friend was happy to do it.

Now.... this is what he has done. Cleared some of the house stuff, probably spent about 3 or 4 days taking stuff to the dump and to the church sale. He has also liaised with the estate agents and solicitors and taken all the paperwork over to them etc. We are buying the house (only recently been able to say we will do this although we wanted to for ages, as only just sold our own house). We have therefore said we will get rid of everything else - loads of rubbish furniture etc - will need to hire a skip as house is still full of stuff.

Now, my other aunt phoned yesterday to say that all the rest of the family wanted to give the executor £1000 EACH when the money comes through from the sale. I have twofold problems with this. Firstly I think while he has been incredibly helpful, £4000 is a hell of a lot of money for what he's done. Secondly, we can't actually afford £1000. Well we possibly could at a stretch, but we are not seeing as much money in our hand as the others, as that is the deposit to buy the house, we have arranged a mortgage for the rest, we have a few thousand left over for decorating, so we would have to significantly reduce our decorating budget or increase our mortgage. We have also only managed to sell our own house for significantly less than we paid for it. The rest of the family all in much better financial circs than us.

I think £1000 between the four of us would be a more than adequate sum. AIBU to only offer to put in £250?

itshitme Sun 30-Aug-09 22:06:50

hmmm, so...was the £1000 that He is already receiving meant to be for him taking on the role of executor anyway?

Paolosgirl Sun 30-Aug-09 22:08:16

YANBU in my book - £1000 was what he was left, and if the others want to put in more then I don't think you should be made to feel guilty if you don't want to contribute more than the original £250.

Wills are awful things - so many family feuds seem to start that way sad.

pregnantpeppa Sun 30-Aug-09 22:08:40

No, it was just what he was left in the will - I think he would have been left something even if not executor as a goof friend of my aunty's.

pregnantpeppa Sun 30-Aug-09 22:09:42

good not goof.

I feel like I'm not being unreasonable, but I wonder if its worth possibly having an awful family falling out over £750. I don't think anyone will say anything, I just think I'll forever be considered mean and stingy.

Penthesileia Sun 30-Aug-09 22:10:21

YANBU. Just refuse.

Your aunt left this chap £1000 - that was her wish. As long as he gets his £1000, he's been fairly and properly treated.

Did he volunteer willingly to do all the house-clearing etc? He can't really expect a reward. I imagine he's doing all this because he was her friend, not because he expects any more money.

If your relatives want to give him £1000 of their money as thanks, or a gift, or whatever, that's their prerogative; you have absolutely no obligation to do the same.

If he wants to be recompensed for his time, sit down with him and ask what hourly rate he would consider fair - £10, or so. At that rate, for instance, he would be "owed" about £250 in total for 4 days of work.

Don't be guilt-tripped by your relatives into doing something unnecessary.

pregnantpeppa Sun 30-Aug-09 22:11:27

Just to clarify, I think he should get £1000 on top of the £1000 he's already been left; the others think he should get an extra £4000

itshitme Sun 30-Aug-09 22:11:28

I just don't really understand why any of you are giving him any, but I'm not really up to speed with this kind of thing, I think £250 each is more than adequete.

Couldn't you take him out for a meal/buy him a gift/whatever to show you're appreciation? Will he not get offended by getting cash anyway?

IUsedToBePeachy Sun 30-Aug-09 22:11:37

'I'm sorry, we had a good look at our finances last night and we can't make it work in any real way. We know he's done a fantastic job so would be happy toput in what we can manage,which is £250. Who do you want me to the cheque to?'

and then breathe

Do Executiors tend to get this then? I never knew that

TeamEdward Sun 30-Aug-09 22:12:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ravenAK Sun 30-Aug-09 22:12:37

'That's very nice of you & Uncle Albert & Cousin Fred. Wish dh & I could afford to do the same!'

...& leave it at that.

CarGirl Sun 30-Aug-09 22:13:21

"whilst I would love to give £1,000 gift I'm afraid we are unable to do so. We could stretch to a couple of hundred though"

pregnantpeppa Sun 30-Aug-09 22:13:44

Yep he volunteered to do it all. I think the others might think he's done more than he actually has and might think he's cleared the whole house. I'm the only one who's been to the house recently. Arrgh it is such a guilt trip!

pregnantpeppa Sun 30-Aug-09 22:16:02

I think its a bit of a mad idea from my other aunty and the other two who are her sons are just going along with it; DH doesn't think the executor will accept it either for what he's done! I was thinking a nice card and plant to be honest rather than a grand!

itshitme Sun 30-Aug-09 22:16:06

So take him for a nice meal then, even if you do it off your own back and the rest give money.

Winetimeisfinetime Sun 30-Aug-09 22:16:22

I thought that legally an executor couldn't be a beneficiary of the will.

hambler Sun 30-Aug-09 22:21:30


EyeballsintheSky Sun 30-Aug-09 22:23:17

I thought that as well. Isn't the point that the executor is not biased?

I don't think he should get £4000 extra on top. He'd be damn lucky to get an extra £1000. It's not your job to distribute funds. Let them get on with it if they want.

Winetimeisfinetime Sun 30-Aug-09 22:24:05

Sorry, ignore that - executors can be beneficiaries.

I think a small token of your appreciation would be fine - certainly not such a large sum as £1000 each. Your aunty has already provided an amount for the friend in her will.

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite Sun 30-Aug-09 22:27:10

I agree with Wine, it's been a while since I've done my degree but IIRC, he can't be a benificiary, nor can he be paid for executing the will. He can, however, claim reasonable expenses.

choosyfloosy Sun 30-Aug-09 22:31:09

I think I would ring up your other aunt and ask why she thinks the executor needs [definitely say 'needs' not 'wants'] more money than he was left in your aunt's will.

Try not to say too much - the ideal would be for her to end up saying 'Well, I just thought it would be good if we all matched that amount as we are getting so much... maybe he doesn't actually need that money... maybe we could just match the amount as a group...' The best way would be for her to persuade herself IMO. If she really won't budge, you just need to explain that you really can't pay that much, but want to pay an equal share of what you give. But I'd try to avoid going there if you can.

You could for your own peace of mind get a quote from a house clearance guy as well as to what they would charge for 4 days' clearance work.

There's also the question of whether he was left £1000 as a friend, or to cover his work as an executor. TBH I think £1000 is more than enough for what he's done.

EyeballsintheSky Sun 30-Aug-09 22:31:46

Ah have just looked it up. It's a witness that can't be a beneficiary.

As you were

Winetimeisfinetime Sun 30-Aug-09 22:33:53

I just checked and I was wrong. Apparently executors can be beneficiaries - it's witnesses to the will that can't.

I am currently an executor to my brother's will and I am not a beneficiary and certainly wouldn't accept anything from the beneficiaries for doing it as apart from anything else, I would see it as being contrary to his wishes as to how he wanted things disposed of.

lilacpink Sun 30-Aug-09 22:47:01

My FIL has just acted as excuter for MIL's Dad, they didn't get any extra money for helping (just the pre agreed amoun to each sibling). I think he's lucky to get £1000 on top of £1000!

pregnantpeppa Sun 30-Aug-09 22:51:29

Thanks for all the replies - I am going to go with the can't afford it line as it can't be argued against. I am afraid if I say that I don't think he's done that much I will only end up sounding mean. I guess its up to the others how they spend their money! My aunt did say she wanted the amount to come from all of us, so I know she'll be upset with me, but never mind. She's 86 herself so it will be a difficult conversation.... the others are just going along with her I think to avoid upsetting her.

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