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to think about leaving but only taking DD with me

(127 Posts)
rasputin Sat 22-Aug-09 22:14:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissGreatBritain Sat 22-Aug-09 22:18:23

I thought of this a lot too when my children were younger. It really will get easier, I promise, particuarly if your DH is as lovely as you say he is. Have you got any help for your depression?

Ewe Sat 22-Aug-09 22:18:26

Oh, you sound so sad Have you seen anyone about your depression? Do you have someone to talk to?

Samaritans are always there to listen if you just need to speak to someone in RL 08457 90 90 90

hf128219 Sat 22-Aug-09 22:19:10

Stay. And try and work it out - together.

MissisBoot Sat 22-Aug-09 22:19:10

You know YABU but it sounds like you are in a difficult place at the moment though so don't need to explain the reasons why.

IsItMeOr Sat 22-Aug-09 22:20:40

Hey there - you sound as if you're feeling low at the moment. Have you got someone in RL you can talk to?

Motherhood is pretty overwhelming isn't it? Are the boys twins? Are they still quite young if you think they wouldn't remember you?

AnnieLobeseder Sat 22-Aug-09 22:20:54

I think YABU to be posting this here. I would suggest you get yourself over to mental health or similar, because these are not good thoughts and you need to be talking them over with people who aren't just up for a giggle.

We all dream of running away sometimes. Motherhood is frikkin' hard. But we love 'em too much, and the good on the good days is so much stronger than the bad on the bad days.

Keep chatting on here, though in a different topic, there's so much support for when it gets too much.

Hang in there! Your DD, your DS and your DH love and need you. But you need to love yourself too. Take time out and so stuff for youself... it's important for everyone that your needs are met and you're happy too. Never let yourself believe that you're less important than anyone else in your family.

feralgirl Sat 22-Aug-09 22:21:08

Darling, maybe you should try suggesting relate to your DH rather than leaving him. And perhaps talking to your doctor if you're depressed?

Motherhood is overwhelming, I am overwhelmed and I only have one 8mo DS, you've got 3(?) DCs. My DH and I thought we'd be fine but we really haven't been and he's been living at his mum's for the last 3 weeks so maybe I can sympathise a bit. Relate is helping us through it but it's a bloody hard slog.

If your DH is lovely then please talk to him. I'm sure you'd feel terrible if you actually left your babies.

warthog Sat 22-Aug-09 22:21:34

talk to us about it.

you don't need to be judged, i think it's ok to have these thoughts.

feralgirl Sat 22-Aug-09 22:23:27

Oh yeah. And get a baby-sitter and go out on a date with DH. Have some fun and give yourselves something to talk about besides the DCs.

Good luck.

rasputin Sat 22-Aug-09 22:24:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rasputin Sat 22-Aug-09 22:27:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

warthog Sat 22-Aug-09 22:29:18

well, i don't think you're BU to think this.

you'd BU to do it.

but that's what we're here for. to talk it out.

feralgirl Sat 22-Aug-09 22:29:22

No. They need you. YOU need time away from them though. It'll do you all good. Can DH give you time off? Or in-laws, or your parents? I didn't think it was important (and didn't trust anyone else to do it right) and went a bit bonkers.

Silver1 Sat 22-Aug-09 22:31:08

YABU to think that on your own with DD it would be better-actually it would be harder, a lot harder.

Can you not talk to a Dr about a box of pills that have your mummy power tucked away in the bottom left hand corner?

feralgirl Sat 22-Aug-09 22:31:35

I don't think YABU. I don't think you'd BU to even do it. You can't think rationally when you're feeling desperate.

cheesesarnie Sat 22-Aug-09 22:31:52

3 children are draining.i feel like i have 3 little baby birds in a nest squawking for worms(ykwim).
'wouldn;t they be better off without a mum, than a mum that loses her temper and shouts and mutters i'm sick of you all'
you are human,you are the same as me.i do all that!the fact that your saying it makes you a brilliant mum.
talk to your dh.if he is that lovely he will understand.
how old are you dc?

GypsyMoth Sat 22-Aug-09 22:34:39

yabu

how can you deprive your dd of her brothers? and vice versa......

rasputin Sat 22-Aug-09 22:36:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rasputin Sat 22-Aug-09 22:37:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington Sat 22-Aug-09 22:38:46

my dad died when i was 4.

i dont remember much about him

we did fine

but to say that event wasn't hugely influenial on who i am today would be wrong.

for your boys to grow up thinking that you wanted their sister - but they weren't good enough...

how is that going to fuck them up?

feralgirl Sat 22-Aug-09 22:40:23

There's nothing wrong with you. A couple of months ago I got as far as the end of the garden path when DS was having a screamy day.

I don't think that you should feel you have to jolly people along. They are responsible for their own moods. You, as a mother, have a symbiotic relationship with your kids. You can't be responsible for keeping DH happy too.

Where do you fit in? Who keeps you happy?

GypsyMoth Sat 22-Aug-09 22:40:29

look,this is how i sometimes feel. i have 5 dc and no dp/dh. on my own,though i do have a boyfriend who i dont see much of.

i sometimes wish i could just have one of the children too. just the one to shower with all my love/time/money....just one to concentrate on instead of having to be all things to all of them. i really do feel this.

but i cant do it....different to you and how you feel,but i'm simply overwhemed also...by all of it....

rasputin Sat 22-Aug-09 22:42:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

choosyfloosy Sat 22-Aug-09 22:43:11

Rasputin, I would think there are a LOT of mums (and dads) who think like you. I think so because I certainly do.

I think about dh dying, ds dying... and feeling relief. I think about killing myself, realise I couldn't leave them alone, and resolve that one by deciding to murder them both then kill myself afterwards. I work out which paperwork I need to sort out, all that stuff. I would say these thoughts pass through my head most days at some time.

I don't say this stuff to anyone because I think it is mostly when I am feeling neglected and a bit down, and because I believe I don't have the right to think about suicide as I know I am not going to do it, and it is disrespectful to those who are genuinely suicidal.

There is no limit to the fucked-up-ness that is in the heads of many perfectly normal looking people. I look normal, I promise you! You are NOT being unreasonable unless you think that you have to act on these thoughts, that they mean you are outside the human race. You are not; we feel for you.

For me, the best thing to do is to get on with something - anything - read, do housework, play a game with ds, say to dh 'I need to go for a swim, see you later', anything that lasts at least a few minutes and distracts you from the thoughts. They are often worst when I have lots of things I should be doing, but I'm not doing any of them...

However, you do sound very depressed, and seeing your GP would be a very good idea indeed.

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