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to think I'm being treated like a child

(14 Posts)
upsylazy Fri 07-Aug-09 21:49:45

dh is a bit obsessional and quite controlling and I think I've just got used to it. Whenever I walk out of the door, he asks me if I've got my keys/purse/travelcard and I've just kind of got used to it. Last week, we were at an art gallery with the 3 dc and I went to change ds2's nappy and, when I came out of loo, dh asked me if I'd washed my hands to which I just replied yes. After about 20 mins, I started to think does any adult ask another adult if they've washed their hands?(unless they've got a learning disability). AIBU to think that this is not a normal question for a man to ask his wife?

CMOTdibbler Fri 07-Aug-09 21:53:06


screamingabdab Fri 07-Aug-09 21:55:37

It does not strike me as normal. On the info you have given, he strikes me as very anxious - I presume the hand-washing is because of him worrying about germs.

Does he keep himself or the house obsessively clean?

Does he check things repeatedly? (eg that the gas is off, or the doors are locked)

Is he worried about illnesses ?

Rollergirl1 Fri 07-Aug-09 21:58:40

In my un-professional opinion I would say that that is not a normal question for any adult to ask another. Sounds very OCD to me. Does he display any obsessive compulsive symptoms in himself? Rather than just checking you over?

Tamarto Fri 07-Aug-09 22:00:20

I'd have said no. grin

It's not a normal question to ask an adult.

LovelyTinOfSpam Fri 07-Aug-09 22:03:24

The keys etc stuff i can understand - DH always forgets stuff and I am in the habit of checking before we leave the house.

Asking about washing hands is really odd though.

BitOfFun Fri 07-Aug-09 22:19:35

I would just start taking the piss out of him- does he realize how daft it sounds?

BitOfFun Fri 07-Aug-09 22:19:36

I would just start taking the piss out of him- does he realize how daft it sounds?

upsylazy Fri 07-Aug-09 22:20:55

That's what I thought. I think he's got obsessive compulsive personality disorder which is a kind of obsessive perfectionism where he doesn't trust anyone else to do things "right". He's constantly moaning that he does everything around the house but that's cos when I do it, he complains that I've done it wrong. If I get the kid's clothes ready for the next day, they're always too big/small/hot /cold. But if I don't do it, I get the lecture about being lazy (despite the fact that I get up at 5am every day with dd2 while he lays in bed until 7:30 and then starts laying into me because there's one task that hasn't been done even though all 3 kids are fed and dressed and he doesn't have to do anything.) We both work full time and only get a couple of hours with the kids in the evening. My priority is to spend that time with them but literally the first thing he does when he gets home is start ironing clothes for the next day. I'm not necessarily saying this is abnormal but I don't think it's "the norm" whereas he thinks I'm lazy because I'd rather spend that time chilling out with them.

Rollergirl1 Fri 07-Aug-09 22:28:07

Okay, from your last post i would say that he's just controlling and a perfectionist rather than being properly OCD. I would try and curb that kind of question/comment though. Because it is pretty patronising. How would he like it if you asked him that kind of question?

famishedass Fri 07-Aug-09 23:36:48

I'd spend a couple of weeks doing the exact same thing to him, see how he likes it. Seriously, it's only when people are on the receiving end of their own behaviour that they get a true taste of what it must be like.

hatesponge Fri 07-Aug-09 23:43:34

another vote for controlling here- my Ex used to ask me all the time things like if I had washed my hands after various tasks - not through any clean phobia, just as some means of control - if ever I said no (and sometimes he would sniff them to check hmm) this would then give him in his mind free rein to have a total meltdown.

TEJQ Fri 07-Aug-09 23:47:24

Sounds to me more like obsessive control than OCD, less a personality issue he has no control over and more one that he feels the need to keep you somewhere on the same level as the kids.

Time for a chat I think?

wrinklytum Fri 07-Aug-09 23:50:53

Iagree a bit odd ie the handwashing.

Dp often asks re purse/keys etc but this is from my previous form of being a complete scatterbrain.

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