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AIBU?

in just wishing my family would listen to really basic stuff to stop me going INSANE with rage

14 replies

sleeplessinstretford · 02/08/2009 09:13

ok (i must preface this with letting you know that i've had tooth ache since June18th and am not sleeping/eating properly so I might be)
Dp is an absolute doll,couldn't love him more than I do,however,he seems to have a basic issue with actually listening to anything i say.
2 recent examples-he passed his driving test last week,i bought him a really cheap car-sorted out the insurance for him etc etc.I texted him at work to ask him to print off the insurance documents so that i could tax the car yday morning for him.In the text was the web address of the insurance company(swiftcover)the log in and the password he needed so I could go sort the car out for him.
So,yday morning,I asked him to get documents and he'd decided to print of a quote that had been emailed to him for from Tesco.i then had to start fannying around asking favours from people as I knew our printer needed ink-so a 5minute thing ended up taking most of the morning.I couldn't have been any more specific could I??
Ditto-when I called the other week (he was on one of his lie ins) and I'd taken the baby out for the morning, i rang to say 'we'll be home in half an hour,can you sort some lunch out for dd-don't cook the sausages as they are from last week and i meant to bin them' I get in,to find that he's cooked the sausages (and they are RANCID by the way)and when i asked him why he'd done that he said i'd told him to.GAH
Is it just me? teenage daughter is no better.
I just don't know why it winds me up this much and what to do about it?
rant over

OP posts:

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HumphreyCobbler · 02/08/2009 09:16

just leave it to him to sort out the insurance on his own car

if he doesn't do it, he won't have a car to drive

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HumphreyCobbler · 02/08/2009 09:24

sorry, should have said that it was irritating!

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lizmcfizz · 02/08/2009 09:39

explain that until they listen to you you are going on strike!

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JetLi · 02/08/2009 09:45

I'm sure when I speak I must sound like the teacher on the Peanuts/Snoopy cartoon - "Mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah - mwah mwah" - because no bugger listens to me either.

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fizzpops · 02/08/2009 09:46

My DH is exactly the same!

I think it is because he thinks I have it all sorted so he doesn't have to give it any brain space.

I should trust him more and let him sort more things out for himself, but to be honest I can't put up with that level of irritation until he works out what is what for himself.

He is very capable about things that he has taken 'ownership' of though he just doesn't see the need to know about my stuff.

He is lovely though so maybe that is the pay off - small price to pay for a lovely DH.

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l39 · 02/08/2009 10:18

You've had toothache for 6 weeks? Will you be able to get to a dentist in the foreseeable future?

(That sounds more worrying than the rest of it to be honest.)

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edam · 02/08/2009 10:23

Very irritating but agree going on strike and leaving dp to sort out his own tax is the way to go.

Teacher on Snoopy actually sounded remarkably like an elderly lady I knew with an uncorrected cleft palate. Very odd as us children could understand the elderly lady perfectly well (admittedly our interaction was mainly 'I'd like an ice cream please') while I didn't get a word of what that teacher was on about.

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monkeypinkmonkey · 02/08/2009 10:45

I'm so glad i'm not the only one. Things like this really boil me up. DP went to bar once and I asked for white wine and got red????
I would let him do his own tax btw.

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sleeplessinstretford · 02/08/2009 10:47

i would leave him to do it-as i'd have left him to sort the car insurance out-however, it's our only car-and if it wasn't sorted yesterday then WE wouldn't be able to do what we are doing today-which is a nice thing planned with friends.
If i left him to sort his own insurance out he'd take the first quote regardless of cost-and we're not in a position to do that-he's financially inert,and i enable him to be so.
So if he knows he has to be 'somewhere on a certain date' he wont bother trying to find the cheapest tickets-he'd rather rock up on the day and then winge about being skint...
The tooth thing is a pain in the ass (well face actually) lost a filling 6 weeks ago,have had abcess,root canal,two courses of antibiotics-anything i can do basically to save the tooth-it's horrific.

OP posts:

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Pikelit · 02/08/2009 14:08

I so hate to make gender-specific generalisations but....

...most men are utter cack at listening to instructions and the more detailed the instruction, the more likely it is to go in one ear and out the other.

What drives me mad is the martyrdom that follows the more gormless interpretation failures "But I thought I was being helpful.."

PAH!

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moondog · 02/08/2009 14:13

Why are you buying him cars and sorting out his paperwork like a PA?

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zipzap · 02/08/2009 23:03

Can you ask him to repeat back to you what you have asked him to do - just to check what he has heard?

I always find the phrase 'Just to make sure we're not talking at cross purposes...' a useful one so that it doesn't sound like you are talking to your 4 yr old and making sure they have listened to your instructions (although obviously you know that this is exactly what you are doing )

At least that way if he screws up again you will either be able to stop it before anything dodgy happens or ask him why he has changed his mind after previous conversation with you when he said he would do xyz and has actually done abc...

good luck!

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HissingSidIsInnocent · 04/08/2009 08:51

It's that response "uh-huh" that gets to me - when you know they're not listening.

"Can you do me a favour and heat up DD's puree which has been defrosting in the fridge?"
"Uh-huh"
"Are you listening?"
"YES!"
15 minutes later I go into the kitchen and he's got one out of the freezer and is hastily trying to defrost it in the microwave.

"I'll need you to find your P60 for me so I can renew the WTC."
"Uh-huh."
This was daily. For about 4 weeks.
4pm on 31st July - "Did you find your P60?"
"Why do you need my P60? I've no idea where it is."

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sleeplessinstretford · 04/08/2009 09:02

i wouldn't have said i act like his pa.That's like saying just because he does all the cooking that he acts as my chef.
I wonder whether to start a thread on honestly-how the division of labour goes in each family???
If it's anything money related (other than actually earning it)i go online and find the best that is available-i think he should be able to print something out (that is to his own benefit?)
new thread coming actually on who does what...actually,you've just reminded me of another thing he does that FUCKS me off endlessly-if he goes shopping we never have any food in-if i say to him (And given he does 85% of the cooking) do we need olive oil/rice/pasta this is as we go round the supermarket-he'll say 'no' and then we get home and there is none.
We currently are out of tinfoil,kitchen roll,jalapenos,mushrooms,veg etc etc because he'd rather buy overpriced,out of date stuff from the corner shop than do it all in one shop at the supermarket.