Talk

Advanced search

Babysitting problem - family can't/won't help...AIBU? LONG, sorry...

(42 Posts)
lizmcfizz Thu 30-Jul-09 17:57:09

It's my husband's 40th in a couple of months. Because we have two kids (one only 5 months and BF) and little parental support due to age/illness on the one side and the fact that my Mum lives abroad, we put thoughts of a weekend with friends in Manchester (ideal meeting point for friends dotted over UK)to one side. However, my Mum now lives here for half of the year. We asked her if she would think about babysitting our kids for about 4 hours in our hotel room while we go out in Manchester with a big group of old friends. Her accommodation and any expenses sorted too. She said yes and we invited all the friends, the majority are coming, looks like being a brilliant night. She now says she cannot do it as my stepdad has found a cheap holiday away, 'too good to miss'. She won't even have told him what she'd promised us, to avoid any hassle. He wants minimum involvement and she has to tiptoe around him to get to visit us anyway. Well to cut a long story short I then turn to my sis who lives in Manchester who had already told me she had a fixed arrangement to meet up with an old friend. I asked her to reconsider pretty please, try and get a new date with your mate, do me a massive favour etc but she won't and says I have to sort it out. I really don't have anyone else to ask other than friends who would wonder why they hadn't been invited to the do itself and take the hump. She told me I was using emotional blackmail and won't budge. AIBU?

MadameCastafiore Thu 30-Jul-09 17:58:34

Why don't you hire someone for the 4 hours?

FabBakerGirlIsBack Thu 30-Jul-09 17:58:40

I am sure I have read this before.

YABU to expect your sister to clear up your mother's mess.

SixtyFootDoll Thu 30-Jul-09 17:59:37

YANBU
Your Mum is to let you down like that
Ad your sister is too, unless she was expecting to be invited to the 'do'?

prettyfly1 Thu 30-Jul-09 18:00:04

babysitters are a great service?

meemarsgotabrandnewbump Thu 30-Jul-09 18:02:29

I agree you should not blame your sister, who already had a prior engagement - it's your mum who let you down.

YANBU to be pissed off at your mum.

MmeLindt Thu 30-Jul-09 18:03:32

YANBU about your Mum, she had already agreed to babysit and it is a special occasion.

YABslightlyU about your sister. You cannot really expect her to changer her plans to suit you (although it would be nice of her to do so).

Why don't you hire a babysitter for the evening? If you feel unsure about a teenager that you don't know, what about a nanny who works evenings?

bigchris Thu 30-Jul-09 18:04:26

god that is crap of your mum

MummyDragon Thu 30-Jul-09 18:05:51

YANBU to be annoyed with your mum.
YABU to be annoyed with your sister. She told you she had a prior engagement.
Does the hotel provide a babysitting service? Or could you and your friends meet up in the hotel and take it in turns to look after the children?
Failing that - can you invite everyone to yours instead?

LIZS Thu 30-Jul-09 18:06:23

Yabu , you presumably still have a couple of months to sort this out and could hire a babysitter/friend of friend if needs be. Your mum was doing you a favour and now can't, your sister was merely an afterthought.

PM73 Thu 30-Jul-09 18:07:38

I had a sort of same thing happen to us with my Mum promising to sit for us & then backing out cos my dad had booked a holiday for them.

It is very unfair when she has promised you but i would just hire a sitter through a proper company & consider it a lesson learned.

YANBU with respect to your Mum but YABU when it comes to your sister.

Hope you have a good night anyway.

MrsFawlty Thu 30-Jul-09 18:08:50

YANBU, your mum is, how mean. I wouldn't like the idea of leaving (very young) children with some unknown baby sitter either.

Sounds a bit fucked up, her having to "tiptoe around" your stepdad. Does she really, or is it an excuse for her being a bit crap?

lizmcfizz Thu 30-Jul-09 18:32:19

we wouldn't really have gone ahead with it without it being my Mum who had agreed to look after the baby I have done an awful lot for my sis and I just feel gutted that she is not prepared to return that kindness I go out so very seldom, she is free to do what she likes It's my husband's big party not just any old night out!

lizmcfizz Thu 30-Jul-09 18:37:21

we wouldn't really have gone ahead with it without it being my Mum who had agreed to look after the baby I have done an awful lot for my sis and I just feel gutted that she is not prepared to return that kindness I go out so very seldom, she is free to do what she likes It's my husband's big party not just any old night out!

LuluMaman Thu 30-Jul-09 18:38:11

why have you not invited your mum and sister to your husand's party?

nappyaddict Thu 30-Jul-09 18:42:55

She did invite her sister but she was already doing something.

lizmcfizz Thu 30-Jul-09 18:55:17

it's a pub crawl/meal/reunion for other 40 somethings Informal We'll prob have a meal for family if we can find a 'suitable' date!

sayithowitis Thu 30-Jul-09 18:56:37

I think your MUM is definitely BU, however, I also think you are being VU regarding your sister. She had already told you that she was meeting up with an old friend. Whilst your sister may be able to do what she likes, it is possible that her friend is not as flexible. You say she accused you od using emotional blackmail and TBH, I agree with her. You might do a lot for her but to make it sound as though she 'isn't prepared to return that kindness' does smack of emotional blackmail to me. I am sure that if she could, she would have helped you and the only reason she isn't is because she genuinely cannot change her prior arrangements.

lizmcfizz Thu 30-Jul-09 18:58:39

it's a pub crawl/meal/reunion for other 40 somethings Informal We'll prob have a meal for family if we can find a 'suitable' date!

LuluMaman Thu 30-Jul-09 18:59:17

ok, just wondering if they might not be being helpful as they are offended at not being invited

i agree with sayithowitis.

there is enough time to find another baby sitter

have a look at the sitters.co.uk site

your mum is being really unkind by doing this

is there a nursery nurse or someone you have used for baby sitting in the past who would be prepared to come to manchester and help you out

lizmcfizz Thu 30-Jul-09 19:02:26

ok point taken sihis

lizmcfizz Thu 30-Jul-09 19:10:28

it's a pub crawl/meal/reunion for other 40 somethings Informal We'll prob have a meal for family if we can find a 'suitable' date!

MadameCastafiore Thu 30-Jul-09 19:14:08

OH FFS just hire someone from sitters - it is for one night for what 4 hours you said - it wouldn't be expensive and they would be qualified.

Or ask one of your friends who live within reasonable distance if they have anyone who can do it who they trust and who sits their kids.

Stop whining about it if you are not prepared to find another solution.

MrsFawlty Thu 30-Jul-09 19:19:51

blimey - that's a bit harsh Madame!

Portofino Thu 30-Jul-09 19:24:55

Big hotels usually have a recommended babysitting company. We got married in London and had a lovely lady come to look after dd for a couple of evenings. £10 an hour plus room service I think. It's a shame your mum let you down though.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now