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AIBU or just thinking too much?

(8 Posts)
PM73 Thu 23-Jul-09 12:41:31

I have been friends with, lets call her A, for a few yrs & we had our lo's around the same time.

We meet up every week regardless for a catch up & to let the lo's have a play together.

We used to meet at a soft play place & then for some reason i think it was shut for a refurb i said thats ok we can go to my house.

Well this carried on & tbh i never thought much of it at first.then A moved house but still very near us,in 3 yrs i have been to her house twice & then thinking about it she was on edge.

Well i met another mutual friend,lets call her B,at a play area & she was laughing saying friend A would have a heart attack if her house got messy with lo's playing like they were here.

Now i have got thinking that she comes here & her ds trashes my house every week,she never tidies anything away & never asks me to visit her house.

AIBU to expect her to take her turn & AIBU to feel a slight bit used as a convenient play park for her?

yama Thu 23-Jul-09 13:01:08

I don't think you ABU to feel put upon. However, stop inviting her round if it bothers you.

I don't mean to sound harsh but either you enjoy her company (at your house) or you don't.

barnsleybelle Thu 23-Jul-09 13:07:26

Did it bother you before friend B commented on A being house proud?

I'm not remotely house proud so tend to have most of the play dates here, whereas a friend of mine just can't relax when they are squashing digestives into her carpets. Doesn't bother me at all, we are all different.

however you should be annoyed that she doesn't help you tidy up. That's just not on.
Just before my friends leave we have "tidy up time" when mums and dcs all tidy together. Maybe you could say that you are trying to teach your dc about tidying up so could you all do it together.

FimbleHobbs Thu 23-Jul-09 13:09:24

I have a friend who sounds similar - never invites people with children to her house, in fact she doesn't really like having guests of any sort. I see it as some sort of social phobia really and try to be understanding.

That said, I wouldn't want her and her children to visit and trash my house every week if the 'favour' was never returned, so I tend to see her mainly at public places really.

Different strokes, different folks, but theres no point in feeling taken advantage of. Maybe you could move your meet ups back to the soft play centre?

VinegarTits Thu 23-Jul-09 13:11:14

Is she Monica from friends?

Meet in the park, or another soft play centre

WhatFreshHellIsThis Thu 23-Jul-09 13:13:11

I have this problem the other way round - my friend has a much bigger house and garden, with a really big kitchen for us to natter in while the children trash play nicely in the lounge. So we often go to her house, and I think she also likes to be the hostess, iyswim.

Trouble is, it means I always feel on the back foot in terms of being a good guest/grateful enough/bringing biscuits etc. I worry a lot about whether I do enough to express that I'm very pleased to be asked over.

So I don't think tidy up time would be an unreasonable request. this friend of mine also hosts Friday lunches with several of us mums, and we all bring something to eat, that could be an option?

LightShinesInTheDarkness Thu 23-Jul-09 13:28:07

I am like your friend. I find it difficult having people in my house, especially lots of kids at once. I worry about the mess and breakages and noise - maybe I shouldn't, and I do try and be a gracious hostess but its not easy. I'm better with just adults.

Friends invite me over to their house and I often accept, but don't get the feeling its on a 'take it in turns' basis. I still continue to get invited despite not often having people home, so presumably they like my company. I would be mortified if my friends thought I was 'sponging'.

Maybe some of see our houses as personal, private places, whilst others see them as public, sharing places.

I think the best plan for the OP is to go back to meeting somewhere neutral. And I always make sure we have cleared up when having a play date at someone's house.

PM73 Thu 23-Jul-09 13:28:29

Thanks for your replies,i really enjoy her company & we always have a good laugh together.

It has grated on my nerves for a while now & whenever i have suggested meeting at hers she always says oh lets go to the soft play instead.I am a sahm so havent really got the money or the desire to go to the soft play every week (plus i hate those places).

The thing is there is no gradual build up to her leaving my house,she just suddenly stands up,sometimes mid conversation, & says right come on ds lets go.

Have to say i lurve your name Vinegartits!!

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