to want to complain to my boss about a parent calling me a f*****ing b***ch

[Southwestwhippet]

Teaching a child to ride today, mother tends to stand next to the indoor school and tell child what to do during the lesson whilst I'm teaching. This is frustrating as advice is not always correct and also I believe intimidates child who lacks confidence in lessons. (note, I am not child's usual teacher although I have taught child in the past. Mother does this with all teachers though)

I asked child if she would like to canter... mother immediately said "yes, you should, go on". I had to step in at this point I politely said
"I need xxx to say they want to canter mum as pony has an unusual saddle on today and child may not feel secure enough to canter on this occasion". Mum looked very angry by this so in an attempt to clear the air I said to her with a smile
"I do feel rude calling you 'MUM' I'm sorry, I don't know you real name". She told me her name and i thanked her but...

she then turned away and muttered 'fucking bitch' under her breath - loud enough for someone leading another child to hear however.

I mentioned this to a fellow member of staff who just shrugged and said 'oh xxx, yeah, she's always like that - you're not the first person to get in her bad books"

But I'm really rather upset about it - I was making a real effort with her child to increase confidence (which was working)... plus I don't think it is appropriate to speak like this when there are other parents/riders/staff/leaders around. I want to say something to my boss as I don't think this woman should be allowed to be unpleasant like this just because 'oh she's always been difficult'.

but dont' want to be hormonal over re-active pregnant lady either!!!

AIBU?

[letsblowthistacostand]

Tell your boss. Nobody should have to put up with abuse at work.

[MovingOutOfBlighty]

Would speak to the boss about it. Had it been something like 'cow' I might have passed it by. But 'Fcuking btch' is way over the top. Your boss should support you.

[MovingOutOfBlighty]

And WTF - who is giving the lesson here. Her or you!!!!

[AnyFucker]

YANBU

every workplace should have a policy about not accepting this kind of abuse

frankly, she should be asked to take her custom elsewhere

[Woooozle100]

no

quite reasonable to mention it and let yr boss handle. She was out of order and disrespectful. Acceting her being 'difficult' is not on imo

[AtheneNoctua]

I think you are right. But, in your shoes, I probably wouldn't say anything because she is a paying client. Especially if she has a habit of this behaviour and no one else has brought it up.

[BodenGroupie]

YANBU - not fair on you, the child or anyone else around. Even our local doctor's surgery has notices up saying they will not put up with abuse and the patients are almost entirely over 80s.

[steviesgirl]

No you're absolutely NOT BU. What a nasty piece of work she was. You were perfectly polite to her and YOU'RE the bloody teacher not her!! Don't worry about it, she's the one with the problem. I wouldn't complain about her, it might make matters worse for you as she might cause trouble. Just think to yourself what a sad pathetic woman.

[Trifle]

I dont know why you cant bring it up with her yourself. Whenever people have a complaint with somebody they always seem to want to find someone else to deal with it for them. If she is rude to you, interrupts your lesson, offers advice contrary to what you say then you deal with it and tell her yourself. I'm baffled to know why you dont/havent.

[Southwestwhippet]

Trifle - appreciate what you are saying but I didn't find out what she had said until afterwards (when she had apparently "stormed off" home) when the person that heard her - who was standing nearer to her than I was - told me.

also it is not always that easy to speak face-to-face with someone who is being abusive, especially when you do not have a great deal of authority within the organisation and have only been there a few months. Sometimes it is better to let a more senior person deal with the situation as they will automatically receive more respect.

[Rachmumoftwo]

Perhaps it is time for your employer to say no parents are to watch the lessons except maybe once a term to see their children's progress.

[AtheneNoctua]

I agree with Trifle. Surely you could address the matter yourself. Since you are new, you might perhaps clear your intent to address this with your boss before you bring it up with the mum. And when you bring it up with the mum, you should probably do so in the context of explaining to her the importance of the teacher/pupil relationship and explain that the instruction needs to come from you.

But, really, she is a paying client, you are a new employee, and you are bringing your baoos a problem and not a solution. And... you didn't even hear the remark yourself so it is hearsay.

Incidentally, I was once watching DD practice for a dance exam. I said something to DD (can't remember what) and the instructor said "I'm not being funny but I need the parents to be quiet and let me give the instruction". I promptly shut my trap.

[lisasimpson]

well I'm not sure what your boss could do as it was actually hearsay anway.

[skihorse]

YANBU - some people are just horrible people. You do a very tough job and one which can greatly add to a child's self-esteem.

I never much enjoyed the lessons my mother watched either - parents should watch from the bar!

[Firawla]

yanbu, its normal for customers not to be allowed to verbally abuse like that, thinking of signs you see in post offices and that kind of place which mentions about it..
i dont see why it should be any different for you, and would be a good idea if they said the parents dont stand there for the lessons if this is how they behave

[MrsGravy]

YANBU.

I'm actually staggered that people think because she's a 'paying client' she should be allowed to verbally abuse people!!

And I'm equally staggered that people think you should confront someone who's been verbally aggressive yourself. That's EXACTLY what a good boss should be doing; looking after their staff and managing client relationships. And actually, if I raised this with my boss and they shrugged it off I'd be looking for a new job.

Just one thing, the person who heard her say it needs to be willing to tell the boss what she heard. Otherwise it may be difficult for your boss to address this.

[Southwestwhippet]

thanks everyone,
still undecided if I am going to say anything to my boss but it is reassuring to here that I wasn't being a hormonal wreck when I felt rather upset about it earlier.

Tricky one I think, I may go for an 'unofficial' word to my boss rather than asking her to take it further.