to think that my relationship with my parents is pretty flawed?

[SerendipitousHarlot]

The rant about your mother thread

Inspired by another thread

I have decided that I have 'issues' with my mum. I love her, we're close and sometimes very alike.

But there's a lot of her that I really dislike, and am terrified that those parts will inevitably become part of my character.

We're not a confrontational family, so a lot goes unsaid. But sometimes I'd like to sit her down and tell her how I really feel on a deeper level iykwim. I can't risk it, obviously, because she'd get all upset and emotional and it would be all about her again

So list yours here. Get it off your chest.

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS DOES NOT MEAN I DON'T LOVE OR APPRECIATE HER

[SerendipitousHarlot]

Ok.

She's selfish in the extreme. And I don't just mean a little bit, I mean a fucking lot. She will not do ANYTHING to put herself out, unless she can be bothered.

She favours my sister and her children above me and my children even though I am much nicer

My dd is almost 12 and she has had her to stay overnight twice. Ever. She has never had my ds (3) overnight. She has my nephew to stay over at least once a fortnight, so that my sister can have some 'me' time I work full time and my sister does not.

She is about to marry her 3rd husband, who is lovely, and has never had any consideration for any of her children with regards to how this may have affected us over the years.

She calls me until I answer, alternating between my landline and mobile, until I do what she wants, with no consideration that I may not want to have the same Groundhog Day conversation that I have to have every other day

There is plenty more. I have only just begun.

AND BREATHE

[duchesse]

My mother oils the creakiest door first. Always has. Likes to be needed, so homes in on the neediest of her children above the others.

There are five of us. Attention is very emphatically not evenly divided, never has been.

Bitter, me? [responsible neglected oldest child emoticon]

[pranma]

Mine used to phone every single night while we were eating.I asked her to phone me once a week and I would phone her once a week and visit every month[100 miles each way]I also gave her money every month as her pension was small.She died in 1993 and every day at teatime I wish she would phone and I am so sorry I was such a rotten daughter.My mum was lonely and I let her down now she'll never know how much I loved her.Treasure your mums you wont have them forever.

[SerendipitousHarlot]

I don't think speaking twice a week and visiting once a month is rotten in any way pranma. Honestly I don't. I think we find a way to find guilt somewhere every time we lose someone close to us. You were a good daughter. I'm sorry about your mum xxx

[SerendipitousHarlot]

duchesse, I've never heard that phrase before "oils the creakiest door first" - but that explains things very well.

[PacificDogwood]

'Tis the negativity that gets to me.
My mother's cup will always be half-empty and it will always be somebody else's fault, aaaargh, it drives me nuts! Me, I am Little Miss Sunshine - not really, but I do truly appreciate my blessings and am aware of the fact that I have a pretty good life and am v v lucky.
My mum is not ancient, she is v healthy, v fit, no financial worries, gets on with my dad, travels a lot, sees her children and grandchildren regularly - but:
-she is not as young as she used to be
-it is an awful chore that she has to take 1 tablet for her underactive thyroid
-other people have more money than her and they did not work as hard all their lives and put their own needs behind the needs of others etc etc
-she is "never at home" ( travel less, why dontcha??)
-we live in a different country from her and she does not like my brother's wife

Oh, I could go on, but even I am getting bored of this.
Thank you, OP, allowing me to vent .

[SerendipitousHarlot]

Venting is gooooood Pacific

[nickschick]

Can I join in - with my Nanna as I have no mum .....

she has me ring her 3x a week at least if i dont she gets cross

she bitches about everyone from the woman next door to the lady who hoovers her house right through and actually takes a whole £5 for doing it

she calls my dc cruel names -'im with the teeth (he has orth probs) leukamia kid for dc 2 (he has m.e but she insists that shes sure its leukamia)

every time she chats its about money - shes loaded but quite mean she sends dc £2 on birthdays and £5 at xmas and for that they have to ring her 3 times and write a thankyou letter even when she said not to bother with letters she rang and asked where they were.

she asked for examples of their schoolwork to show a teacher friend to see if they were 'dunces'.

she is always ill but manages to eat (a lot)

she invites a younger relative round for lunch then moans about what they eat

i could go onnnnnnnn & onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

[SerendipitousHarlot]

nickschick, is your Nanna Catherine Tate??

Aren't some relatives just.... just.... awful?

[PacificDogwood]

pranma, I just read your post properly and am so sorry for your loss. And I really do not feel that you trying to set boundaries was unreasonable, but rather that your mother sounds v needy.
This is what upsets me about my mums pessimism apart from that it annoys me: I feel so sorry for her to not be able to enjoy her life - and it really is pretty good. When she hears about other people's misfortune she just feels confirmed in her opinion how bad a place the world is.
And nick, at your nan: she sounds like an awful person to have around.

[nickschick]

Pranma Im really sad about your post,if its any consolation to you my mum died when I was 11 and I still berate myself about not carrying her bags and other jobs i could have done,i think when we lose our mums we lose our childhood no matter how old we really are and we try and blane ourselves- you sound like you were a good daughter in what i think was a difficult phase.

PD & SH... yes my nanna is dreadful,we dont actually live anywhere near her but i feel i must phone her almost like i have a reliance on her to make me feel bad about myself-dh and my dc get very cross with me.