to be screening calls from sick MIL?

[heartmoonshadow]

Hi,

Part of me knows I am being mean but the woman is driving me mad! My MIL has alzheimers and it has taken her 4 months of telling her almost daily for her to remember I am pregnant - which in some ways was quite sweet as she was surprised and happy every time! However she has now taken it that she should come over everyday to 'help me out' which quite frankly she can't do unless someone brings her. She phones me 5 or 6 times during the day and at least 3 times in the evening asking how I am and we have the same conversation every time. DH has just said to be patient - which to be honest I normally am but it is getting too much now I am 8 months pregnant I cannot look after her as well as myself as this is what her coming over 'to help' entails. Anyway as a result I now screen all telephone calls and don't answer when I know it is her, and I being mean or just saving my own sanity?

[naturalblonde]

YANBU. It sounds like she may need some additional support though, does she have a home help, or another family member who can visit her?

[Stigaloid]

Bit of both really. Her intentions are sweet and it is truly tragic that she is suffering from this most awful of diseases. I am sorry for your DH's family for them to have to watch her slowly disappear with this disease, but at 8 months pregnant it is understandable that you are tired and need to look after yourself and your unborn child. Can you not ask DH to help out in the evenings with his mum? Does she have other children who can help her during the day?

[heartmoonshadow]

Hi,

No she lives with my FIL who is quite frankly a bit of a pig. They have help from Social Services and the like she just seems to think that my baby will be a replacement for her son who she loves too much if you know what I mean.

It is a MIL thing really just exaggerated because of her condition - like I say normally I am kind caring and considerate of her condition but being so far gone, tired all the time and with high BP, swollen ankles and hands, constant tests at hospital etc I just don't have the time or energy to be fussed about or look after her.

FIL makes it difficult because he is all for her being here with me as I am off work (on sick at moment, maternity leave officially starts on Monday!) I think he just wants a break he doesn't understand that pregnant women are not equipped to deal with OAP issues on top of their pregnancy.

[jette]

You're not being unreasonable at all..
I'm kind of sick of women thinking about everyone elses feelings all the bloody time - you're 8 months pregnant, give yourself priority..

[auntyitaly]

YANBU at all. Tragic as the disease is for all concerned, the help you are giving MIL is knackering (and exasperating) for you and, unfortunately, won't be helping her much.

Stick to one call in the day and one in the evening. That's more than enough.

I'm sure your FIL is keen on you caring for MIL all day - but that's his job. But when you have the baby you can't look after both of them anyway (you really can't - it's not safe.)

Suggest look into respite care for FIL. Press social services hard and they should come up with something.