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to get annoyed at playground exclusiveness?

(13 Posts)
debs40 Fri 12-Jun-09 18:13:25

I know this is a piece of silliness, but I sometimes hate the playground and the effort it takes to be sociable with people who always seem happy to be exclusive and frankly a bit rude to others.

My son moved schools in Year 1. I am quite a chatty, sociable type and I made an effort to get to know a few mums, just as I did in DS's last school. I regularly have people round for coffee and have even organised evenings out.

What gets my goat is that whereas I always try and be inclusive - I always try and extend invites and would never deliberately leave anyone out - others seem quite happy to be exclusive even if it means being rude to someone standing right in front of them. I don't mean me necessarily. I work and i can't always fit in with people's coffee get togethers anyway, but I regularly see otherwise perfectly nice women exclude others in various and often very obvious ways and it feels like high school.

I just can't get my head around it but it was the same at my last school. What is it about the playground environment that makes normal women act like this?

potplant Fri 12-Jun-09 18:18:44

If someone would be so rude as to invite every person in a group bar one then I wouldn't want to socialise with them anyway.

I do polite chit chat and that's it. I've got a full time job and haven't got the time or energy to be arsed about it. I left playground popularity competitions behind me a long time ago.

Mind you I have never been invited around for a mum's coffe morning!

debs40 Fri 12-Jun-09 18:23:40

Oooh you have missed out! No, I can completely see what you mean. There seems no happy medium sometimes between a bit of chatter and making friends and then getting sucked into people's insecurities which always seem to manifest themselves in people being rude and exclusive.

Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby Fri 12-Jun-09 18:28:43

I hate it too, particularly having felt the full brunt of playground gossip... I would LOVE to exclude of the of the people involved, but I am the bigger person. The other person involved avoids speaking to me, and stands on her own. I have smiled and encouraged the children to say hello when her child shouts hello to them, but I am alone in this effort. I hate the politics of it all, and wasn't going to be drawn in. Someone had a very good try at making me though.

They are like a bunch of school kids at times...

dilemma456 Fri 12-Jun-09 18:51:53

Message withdrawn

debs40 Fri 12-Jun-09 19:04:00

Indeed they do like their coffee!

I work but I try to be sociable too. But sometimes find that I like people and they're perfectly nice to me but then I see this exclusiveness which always seems to develop and always seems rude and unnecessary and I just wonder why I bothered. It makes me not like these people any more. If that makes sense.

I think it is all probably explained by the fact that some people put alot of store by making playground friends and hanging around with each other (particularly if they have younger ones at home and don't work) and some people are just pretty insecure about mixing in groups. But it still makes me cringe when I see it.

Here's an example. Two mums I know quite well get on very well together. One is fairly new to town. I invited her out for coffee on a day off with her little one so I could show her one of the good places to hang out in town. I automatically invited the other mum she is pally with too (although I know her less well) so as not to exclude her but she couldn't come.

Come the day in question, mum I'd invited makes a big play of where we are going and arrangements to meet etc in front of other mum. She didn't know I'd tried to invite her and this woman couldn't come. For all she knew this apparently exclusive arrangement could have been very hurtful. She just didn't seem to care.

Odd odd odd hmm

KERALA1 Fri 12-Jun-09 19:07:53

Is it an English thing? Doesnt just apply to women and playgrounds but in all sorts of settings. A lovely Australian man I used to work with was shocked at the way people in the office would ask particular colleagues to go for drinks after work excluding others. He said in Australia everyone goes and thought this exclusiveness was an English trait and not one of our better ones.

sarah293 Fri 12-Jun-09 19:11:14

Message withdrawn

dietstartstomorrow Fri 12-Jun-09 19:11:58

Oh I know what you mean. I am the same as you - I actually go out of my way to make everyone feel included.

Shame were not all like us wink

TheRealMrsJohnSimm Fri 12-Jun-09 19:19:11

I don't understand it either. I wouldn't dream of behaving that way - I would always make an effort to include everyone.

For some reason, certain types of women appear to the love the drama of this kind of situation - whether its in the playground or the workplace.

I refuse to be drawn in but I have been on the receiving end of some of this bitchery. It's nasty and childish and they should grow up. I told them so and left it at that wink.

SoupDragon Fri 12-Jun-09 19:22:14

It's life. It's got nothing to do with the playground because it's like that everywhere. It was like that when I worked, it's like that now (and I worked in a male environment). People always have groups of friends

MrsBeakman Fri 12-Jun-09 19:43:10

Ooh Kerala1 how funny, I know a South Africa chap who moved to Australia and promptly came back to England again as he said people in his office over there would invite certain people out for drinks but exclude him! He found it more friendly in London!

debs40 Fri 12-Jun-09 19:43:11

It's not about 'groups of friends'.It's about people being in a group where everyone is friendly with each other (they've only known each other 5 mins) but some deliberately exclude others in a very overt way.

It's not my experience of life at all and I've been around the block a bit wink I haven't encountered this anywhere but the playground. Women become jusy like silly schoolgirls.

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