to expect my husband to stand up for me against in-laws???

fedup3 · 2009-04-20 13:07:21

Hi everyone, hoping for a bit of advice here. I have a husband that i love very much but at the moment i am sooo fed up, hurt and angry as he won't stand up for me against his family!!! We are married for 4 years, and currently have three children, 2years and new twins. Before we got married we all got on very well. With hindsight there were signs that his mother is a very stupid woman but they didnt have much impact on my life so i ignored her. For example if my husband was working on a saturday and i was off, you could be sure of a snidy remark...but i would point out that we worked the same number of days and earned the same money,our timetable was simply different!! The real problems started after the birth of my first child. She would march into the house and take my baby of me, saying i had him all the time!! As if a mother has to justify time spent with her new baby!!! She would make comments about me being a first time mother, about being lucky to have her son to make my dinner (when infact i had made it, i simply asked him to pass it to me!!) and she had a real problem that i was off on maternity leave. After every visit i was left really upset and hurt because i wanted soo much for us all to get along and i was proud of my new baby. She however couldnt help making constant digs.It is hard to explain to anyone what exactly she does...its a million little things ....almost like death by papercuts!! As time passed she became even worse but i still put up with her for my husbands sake. ...its his mother my friends would tell me. So i agreed to give her one more chance and my husband was grateful. we all went to visit her home and it was the worst day of all. she ignored me and kept saying the baby looked looks nothing like HER (MEANING ME) and made it very clear she wasnt interested in me just the baby. My husband witnessed all this and said nothing. When we got to the car i burst into tears and told him i never wanted to see them again. He wouldnt say anything to her but i didnt see her for a whole year. He continued to visit her home and brought the baby with him several times a week and if had to go out on the weekend we let them watch the baby. I believe i was more than reasonable allowing this amount of contact but i did it for my husbabnd even though it was extremely difficult for me. She should have had what she wanted, regular contact with the child and me out of her life. However give an inch and she wants a mile. She causes friction between myself and my husband even on xmas day...demanding my husband and child be in her house!! Recently i have had twins. we informed his parents and i heard nothing from them the whole pregnancy, even when i was in hospital with threatened miscarriage. It was a difficult pregnancy and the twins arrived two months early. They were place in neonatal intensive care for a month. The night they were born his parents visited the babies in the neonatal unit and didnt come to the ward to see me. My husband thought this was acceptable as i hadnt wanted any contact with them. But again i was proud of my babies and just wished we were a normal family and they would congratulate me sincerely. I found this extremely hurtful. My husband and myself were delighted with our new arrivals and wanted him to be able to share that joy with his parents so i stupidly let them back in my life. It wasnt very long before she started (only a couple of days infact). i started going out when she comes over and busying myself with housework so i dont have to listen to her. i always think back...what did i do wrong,,but i believe nothing i do is going to make her happy. Except disappearing and leaving my children to her!!....as if!! This weekend the babies were baptised. His family was invited against my better judgement and i even agreed that his parents could have the babies overnight whilst myself and my husband had our first night out since their arrival. It was a disaster. His family all attended the service and didnt speak to me. We had arranged to take everyone to a local hotel, including the children as it was their day. His mother approached us in the car saying to my husband she would take the babies now. He kept saying no we re going to the hotel first(i said nothing). She wasnt very pleased having to humour us. None of the rest of his family even turned up...i imagine a show of solidarity against me. I was so fed up i told my husband to just tell his parents to go with the babies. They left with my new babies and didnt even come over to myself to say they were off or let me say goodbye. She won again... i have no doubt they had their own christening party with my children iback at their own home. She probably planned it all along. My husband was shocked (dont know why) at his familys behaviour and that night i felt really soory for him. However the next day he collected the children and the stupid bitch was acting like nothing happened....now i am so angry. He said nothing to her and lets her behave any waqy she wishes. YES she is his mother, but she has no right to treat me the way she does. I am my childrens mother and she would need to respect that!! Any suggestions as to what i should do next??? i cant count on my husbands support and am so angrey im thinking of leaving him!!!

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