We have had my DHs sons up to stay after a long period of no contact (their mum's wishes). Originally this was just for the weekend, then till tuesday (as DH had taken a couple of days off work). Now they have decided between them that they will be staying till next saturday. DH is back at work on weds, which leaves me looking after 4 boys on my own, with no car and no money (DH doesn't get paid till next week). DH has a long commute, which means he will only see the boys for a couple of hours at night. The boys are really lovely, they get on with the younger ones really well. I just feel upset that instead of DH asking me if I was ok with it, he sent one of the boys to do it. I can't exactly say no to his face, and not look like a heartless b*tch. Flame me... then tell me how to cope please!
You sound like a lovely person, sockmonkey (and I love your nickname, btw). I think you are quite within your rights to feel upset that your dp didn't ask you about this change in arrangements himself. As you said, you couldn't have said 'No' to the lad, so it definitely smacks of manipulation to me.
Could you and the boys make some Halloween decorations for the house - lots of glue and mess, I know - but they'd enjoy it.
Or make cakes/biscuits and decorate with orange and black icing.
Yes, you should should have been consulted. Yes, it is emotional blackmail and no, YANBU Having said that, it does give you good grounds to insist on the rest of the coming weekend being yours for winechocolateandtelly rest and recuperation
YABU. They have as much right to be in their father's home as your two young ones have. Please don't give your DH a hard time about it, just be glad his boys are back in contact, that they enjoy being around you and the younger boys. Well done for making them so relaxed in your home that they want to stay
I don't think YABU at all - as you say, the point is not whether or not you would have agreed, but the fact that DH didn't ask (or even tell!) you himself and sent one of your DSSs instead. That is unfair - and DH should have discussed the whole money issue with you as well - it is hard to feed and entertain 4 boys on nothing (although it can be done for not much
On the positive side, how great that your DSSs wanted to stay longer.
Them being welcome in the home is not the issue here (they clearly are), it's the lack of courtesy involved that would hack me off. I think I would have bought myself some time by saying to your DSS, "oh that's an idea. Just let me have a word with Dad first." YANBU.