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Should I have been consulted? Feels like emotional blackmail.

(16 Posts)
sockmonkey Tue 28-Oct-08 08:24:28

We have had my DHs sons up to stay after a long period of no contact (their mum's wishes). Originally this was just for the weekend, then till tuesday (as DH had taken a couple of days off work). Now they have decided between them that they will be staying till next saturday. DH is back at work on weds, which leaves me looking after 4 boys on my own, with no car and no money (DH doesn't get paid till next week). DH has a long commute, which means he will only see the boys for a couple of hours at night.
The boys are really lovely, they get on with the younger ones really well. I just feel upset that instead of DH asking me if I was ok with it, he sent one of the boys to do it. I can't exactly say no to his face, and not look like a heartless b*tch.
Flame me... then tell me how to cope please!

saadia Tue 28-Oct-08 08:31:14

yanbu he should have spoken about it to you himself.

NotDoingTheHousework Tue 28-Oct-08 08:33:07

Message withdrawn

sockmonkey Tue 28-Oct-08 08:38:22

Thanks. I think maybe I just need to stress less and get on with it.

shootfromthehip Tue 28-Oct-08 08:53:15

NDTHW, no wonder he's XH. hmm clubbing all weekend.

Sock, think you should have a chat with DH about discussing things with you rather than making his LO ask. It's just a respect thing really so YANBU

sockmonkey Tue 28-Oct-08 09:29:13

I think he will get a talking to once the boys have gone back. Glad I am not getting flamed.

Pop to Tescos and buy 4 pumpkins at £1 each - have a wonderful afternoon designing and cutting your halloween faces ! smile

sunnygirl1412 Tue 28-Oct-08 09:53:10

You sound like a lovely person, sockmonkey (and I love your nickname, btw). I think you are quite within your rights to feel upset that your dp didn't ask you about this change in arrangements himself. As you said, you couldn't have said 'No' to the lad, so it definitely smacks of manipulation to me.

Could you and the boys make some Halloween decorations for the house - lots of glue and mess, I know - but they'd enjoy it.

Or make cakes/biscuits and decorate with orange and black icing.

MuAHAHAHAHAHmi Tue 28-Oct-08 10:24:44

Yes, you should should have been consulted. Yes, it is emotional blackmail and no, YANBU
Having said that, it does give you good grounds to insist on the rest of the coming weekend being yours for wine chocolate and telly rest and recuperation grin

Good luck

Mulanmum Tue 28-Oct-08 10:45:40

YABU. They have as much right to be in their father's home as your two young ones have. Please don't give your DH a hard time about it, just be glad his boys are back in contact, that they enjoy being around you and the younger boys. Well done for making them so relaxed in your home that they want to staysmile

youmaynotlikethis Tue 28-Oct-08 10:49:21

yabu for goddness sake...they his kids and you took him on with kids so u new wot to expect

RustyDaviesBear Tue 28-Oct-08 10:52:08

youmaynotlikethis - OP is not asking should she have the boys, but should she have been consulted

Tortington Tue 28-Oct-08 10:54:05

ya most certainly NOT BU.

your husband should have consulted you before making this decision. and certainly should not have involved the kids asa way of blackmail - trez shitty

stealthsquiggle Tue 28-Oct-08 10:55:52

I don't think YABU at all - as you say, the point is not whether or not you would have agreed, but the fact that DH didn't ask (or even tell!) you himself and sent one of your DSSs instead. That is unfair - and DH should have discussed the whole money issue with you as well - it is hard to feed and entertain 4 boys on nothing (although it can be done for not much grin

On the positive side, how great that your DSSs wanted to stay longer.

sockmonkey Tue 28-Oct-08 11:09:17

It's lovely that they are happy here. Just getting stressed. Need to take some deep breaths... then go & buy pumpkins.

clam Tue 28-Oct-08 11:27:12

Them being welcome in the home is not the issue here (they clearly are), it's the lack of courtesy involved that would hack me off. I think I would have bought myself some time by saying to your DSS, "oh that's an idea. Just let me have a word with Dad first." YANBU.

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