Tired of London Tired of Life

[newcrossgirl]

Hello London Ladies

I did not grow up in London. I have lived here almost 20 years now and have DCs aged 4 & 6. I have never loved London but now I hate it:

I live in SE London where teenagers are being stabbed/ shot almost all the time

Innocent polish ladies are dying in the crossfire from drugs dealing gangs

My next door neighbour (aged 75) was mugged on her doorstep

Drug dealers and prostitutes hang around our local station

Although where I live is ok i.e there are nice people living just round the corner what worries me is the fact that I am just so nervous about crime that I am constantly shouting at my kids to stop them doing stuff that is not safe.

My son went to a football holiday course at the local (league) club and all I could think about was how unpleasant the area was, how close the local rubboish dump was and the overwhelkming smell of sh*T.

I grew up in the country, played all day in the woods and the fields, lived out fantasies about secret clubs and ponies. My son talks about Nintendoes.

Am I living a fantasy or would it be better if we left London.

Please help

[twoGsinBuggerOff]

are you a single parent or is there another adult/opinion in this?

[expatinscotland]

Everywhere you go, you always take the weather.

I spent most of my adult life running. From this. Then from that. Then to this. Then to that.

I've come to the belief that you need to resolve ALL your issues with a place before you can truly move on.

Because then you may just find you've gone from the frying pan into the fire.

Been there!

Oh, and we live in the country.

My daughter fantasises about DS Lites.

[newcrossgirl]

Another adult opinion unfotunately.

He is an ex social worker who thinks is okay for our kids to experience bad things in that it will prepare them for real life. I just want them to be happy

I love him but hate if YSWIM!

[expatinscotland]

I think he's right in some ways and you are right as well.

He's right in that moving in order to shelter him, that's never a good thing.

If you're moving because he isn't happy that's another.

[newcrossgirl]

Dear Ex Pat

I don't need to resolve any issues with living outside of London. I know exactly where I would like to live - I am sure kids would be happy too. To be honest it could hardly be more shit than this (well it could but I wouldn't choose it if it was).

I feel like giving up where I am. I will probably just becime an alcoholic or middle class drug addict like my mother.

Sorry to be blunt because from lurking I know you are a nioce lady.

[shabster]

Difficult topic. I live in Lancashire - many cultures, colours, religions etc etc. My little lad (although he is 11 ) is a bundle of nerves and worrys cause he is going to High School in September.

We go regularly to Rhodes, Greece on holiday and I wish I had the money to go and live there. Although once a boy gets to the age of 16 there they have National Service.

I think you have to make the most out of what you have got. Try to teach about good and bad and scary to your children. The world we live in now is totally different to the world we lived in 10 years ago and is an alien planet to the world I grew up in during the 1960's and 1970's.

Deep breathing, nice thoughts

[Capital]

are you new and cross?

or do you live in New Cross?

if latter I say move, soon as you can.

[expatinscotland]

dear newcross
please calm down.

why did you post such an OP if you've already made up your mind?

if you think moving away is going to get rid of the unhappiness you feel right now, please learn a lesson from my life before doing it to your own.

i'm all for voting with one's feet.

i've done it enough.

but there are BIG pros and cons to every single heavy decision you make, and moving with kids is one of those.

we were so sure our children would be happy with our move from a city.

you know what? at first, the older one wasn't.

at all.

only YOU can make yourself an addict. no place can do that to you. you control your actions and reactions to everything.

[expatinscotland]

i should add that our eldest was only FOUR when we left.

if she were any older, we'd seriously have had to consider how SHE felt about it all.

[newcrossgirl]

I feel I have lost all sense of proportion on life so would be nice to know.

Shabster - do you see junkies sitting by your bus stop. Do you children read graffiti which says "fuck" "sex" and "cunt" on their local playground (and which unfortunately becuase they can read they canj). Have they had to paint over graffitti in their classroom which says "sex".

I do not know how to explain "sex" to my 6 year old.

Am I an old fogy?

[expatinscotland]

and yes, we saw all that.

i could see the tenants in the next building shooting up in their living room from our kitchen.

i grew up in a city that was once the murder capital of the US, and in several other incredibly violent Latin American cities.

we travelled with guns in the car.

if you had to shower at home alone, you took all your clothes in with you and a gun, too, and came out and searched the house.

our house was burgled several times in a great neighbourhood.

what didn't kill me made me tougher.

[shabster]

newcross - yes to all the questions you asked. I am not trying to be clever or funny - I live in the center of Bolton and we have major problems. We have murders, drug abuse, etc etc etc.

I also used to run a pub with my husband in Middlesex and saw the beginings of all the problems.

HOWEVER - I have had four sons and two of them have died - one from heart problems and one from being knocked down and crushed to death by a reversing lorry. When you witness stuff like that it really does make you realise the old chestnut about making lemons out of lemonade.

[expatinscotland]

a wise post, shab.

maybe take a break, newcross. go somewhere TOTALLY different for a few days - not the place where you want to live, but just someplace else.

to get some perspective on things.

[shabster]

Thanks expat - with age comes wisdom - Im not saying that I know the answer to everything - just that you have to get things into perspective. My life will never be the same as it was when I had my lovely brood of little lads....it will be different, difficult, but challenging.

[Ozziegirly]

I was in London. I was tired of it and also a bit tired of life (commuting, expensive everything, crime, dirt, rain).

I now live in Sydney. No longer tired of life - (no commute, sun, less crime, less pricy and hunky australian men in short shorts jogging on the beach).

[expatinscotland]

well, i turned to alcohol when i wasn't happy with my life.

and i remember not listening to a good piece of advice, which was, 'then you'll be unhappy AND an addict into the bargain, too.'

it just added to my problems.

[Ozziegirly]

Sorry. I posted my slightly flippant message without seeing yours shabster.

[newcrossgirl]

Dear ExPat & Shabster

I don't want to make this into a competition about whose life is worse. Both of what has happened to you sounds v bad to me. You are both brave people.

I just want to know what would be best to do - we could move out if we really wanted to and I guess I just want some one to say - yes it is ok - you are not a coward to run from the seemier side of life.

Maybe I have already decided but now I am trying to find someone who could say - hang on for a while - you won't go mental if it doesn't happen straight away (becuase of course it can't - given current economic situation)

[SchnitzelVonKrumm]

I don't think you should base your whole view of London on New Cross. Could you move elsewhere in town?

[Vulgar]

Newcrossgirl - i can't help you make a decision but I really understand where you are coming from. I've never felt safe in London either and if that makes me a sadster, well, so be it!

I wouldn't like my child to see the things your children have to and I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to want to shield them.

Is the place you are thinking of a total pipe-dream or could it become a reality?

After all, you can still have a Ds Lite in the country.

[Ozziegirly]

My mum grew up in new cross in the 1950s. She said it was crap then.

[shabster]

Ozzie - please dont apologise you did a great thing. Im just trying to say life, on the whole, is shite. Its how you cope with stuff. I can totally understand anyone who trys to make stuff better for their family. We have to instill into our childrens minds right and wrong, good and bad, confidence, freedom etc etc etc. I have always told my children and will tell my FIRST grandchild 'think before you make a decision, think of what might happen if I do what I want to do, think what the consequences will be.' Please enjoy your children my friends, please, we have one life, one chance to get it right.....make the most of your one chance. xx

[newcrossgirl]

Actually SVK

I used to live in Balham but since I went back there from New Cross I felt quite sick. London is such a city of contrasts - New Cross is full of quite poor people living on the edge, Balham is full of white bwankers who are totally out of touch with reality. None of these extremes are good for children - in my view.

I just want them to be able to run about in fields playing make believe games like I did ...

[Vulgar]

You do sound tired of London.

What do you fancy?

A village? a market town? The burbs? The seaside?

[SchnitzelVonKrumm]

Ever lived north? Contrasts still there but don't seem to be as sharp (obviously I'm not talking about South Ken here)