Probably, but I am cross with SIL and need to get it out of my system

[seeker]

Sil and her two boys and us and our two go every year to a festival in the second week of August - next week. Her boys are 13 and 11, my dd is 12 and my ds is 7. Other families come and go every year, but we are always there and our children are the only ones similar in age. The cousins don't see each other very often, and they all really look forward to it - emails and texts start looming backwards and forwards from about February planning what they are going to do.

I've just had an email from sil to say that she's booked spaces for a couple of friends of her dss - "hope that's OK"

I'm cross because it's always been a week for the cousins to spend time together, and the whole dynamic will change with two extra people my dcs don't know. And I'm cross because if I had known, I could have organized for my two to bring friends too - then the balance would have been better and the could "run as a pack". I'm worried that it will now be the 4 bigger boys doing stuff with dd left out because she's the only girl and ds left out because he's littler. His cousins have always looked out for him - I don't expect two boys who've never met him before to do the same!

Tell me I'm being precious and silly and it'll be fine, and that sil isn't being even remotely thoughtless......

[MrsBigD]

not sure seeker... it really depends how sociable your ds/dd are. My ds (nearly 4) would probably tear along with the older boys as he loves being in a pack LOL.

i'd say just mention your concerns to sil and see what she says. The changing pack dynamics probably haven't occurred to her... could you still 'round' up some friends of your dd/ds?

[chelsygirl]

is it too late to organise friends for your kids?

[Freckle]

If this has been a family thing for a number of years, I think she was thoughtless not to speak to you before inviting others to join in. It will change the dynamics and I agree that it is your two who will suffer for it. On the other hand, you might find that your two get on famously with the friends.

I would email back saying that you wished she'd discussed it with you first as it is now too late to ask friends of your dcs to come along and they may feel upset. See what she says.

[seeker]

I will try to round up a couple of friends for mine - trouble is it costs money and it's a bit short notice to ask other parents to fork out £50! Yes, I think ds will probably love having even more big boys to play with - but I've always let him have tons of freedom at the festival because I know his sister and his cousins will watch out for him. Not sure how I feel about doing the same with boys I don't know - and it would be a bit unfair to expect the 13 year old cousin to say to his friend "sorry, can't, got to look after the squirt!"

[beanieb]

is it Beautiful Days?

[ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe]

I think she was out of order to invite someone without asking you and not have the decency to tell you herself, rather than by email.

[Twinkie1]

Bloody hell £50 for a childfree weekend - if mine were older and you asked me I would be packing their bags straight away.

Fron her point of view though maybe the age gap is a bit too big now interms of development and her kids would rather not be keeping an eye out for yours but doing more age appropriate things?

[seeker]

Maybe, Twinkle - but it'a only ds they have to keep an eye on - dd is in the middle between hers. And I have always made sure that the bigger ones get to do stuff on their own - there are activities for the smaller ones that we take ds to as well as the stuff for older ones. It's in a little seaside town, and for the past 3 years we 've let the 4 of them go down into the town on their own and go to the beach or the icecream parlour - not sure if I'll be able to let ds do that this year. Oh well, I'm probably worrying about nothing and they'll get along brilliantly. I will continue my hunt for another girl - I've got a good one in my sights as I type!

No - it's Broadstairs.