to be annoyed at neighbours daughter sneaking food in my house?

[TC08]

Our new neighbour's daughter (age 7) started coming to our house to play with my daughter (age 4,5). They get on all right and I don't mind their age gap as long as my DD is happy. But...what really annoys me is the fact that this girl keeps sneaking our food. First I noticed that she ate almost all chewing gum which was kept in my bedroom (where they are not allowed to play). I hid the chewing gum and she switched to Rennie (probably not a clue it is not a sweetie).

Shall I tell her that we are not encouraging stealing in our house or pretend it is not happening?

What also annoys me she keeps sending my DD to ask for biscuits, apples, strawberries...whatever... I get really really frustrated!!!

[DoubleBluff]

Just say to her ' x if you are hungry go home and ask your Mum for something'
Or just say no when your daughter asks on her behalf

[Kimi]

Stick a bar of exlax where she can get it

No really do you think she is not fed at home or just greedy?

[lilyloo]

Maybe they are things that she isn't allowed at home ?
Although i often end up feeding my neighbours kids when they are playing it costs a bloody fortune !

[TC08]

Kimi that is a brilliant idea!!! Don't know. Her brother said ones "I am starving, haven't ate anything for the whole day!" And it was 6pm.

I don't mind occasionally to offer snacks but it does frustrate that she constantly wants to be fed.

[Freckle]

If she is able to get medication and think they are sweets, that might be dangerous. I don't know what an overdose of Rennies might do, but I'm sure it would not be good for a child.

Could you pre-empt it by offering them a snack?

[lulumama]

i would not leave medication lying around if there was a distinct possibility a child could eat it

do you not offer playdates a drink and snack?

if they are hungry, either send them home to be fed, or give them something,but don't deliberately leave stuff around, that is not good for a child, to eat.

[lulumama]

x post there with freckle

[TC08]

Freckle I see your point. But she knows she is not allowed to go in my bedroom. I found them once playing hide and seek in there and made a big point!!! I don't think I should be hiding Rennies just because she comes and takes them. My DD wouldn't touch it so I don't need to hide it from her.

[DoubleBluff]

i usually have a houseful.
If my 2 are having a snack or drink, always offer visiting child/ ren
But if they are coming to me asking because they are hungry i send them home. It gets costly otherwise

[gscrym]

Speak to the parents. Let them know that although happy for her to play, not happy for her to play where she isn't allowed or take things she hasn't asked about.
Neighbour had this problem with an older girl (similar ages as the op mentioned). Older one was always getting the little one to ask for things. The mum ended up just not giving anything as her little one was never allowed into the other house to play.

[lulumama]

i disagree. unless you lock the door, then there is always a chance that the children will go in there.. forbidden fruit and all that

i think if you have young children of your own, or are having young children round, you have a duty of care to them not to leave meds where they can reach them. same goes for dangerous cleaning products etc..

what if she and your DD sneak into your room, and they share the rennies? kids do things they are not supposed to, they are children, and you cannot expect them always to adhere to rules. so you have to safeguard them against their own childishness and that means no meds where they can reach and consume them

[TC08]

DoubleBluff like I said I don't mind offering occasional snack but I know my daughter comes and askes for it not because she wants it but because she has been asked to.

gscrym funny you said it, my DD never been to her house apart from the garden. She also said she asked her once if she can go and play with her toys but was told by this girl that there are no toys in the house

Lulumama I do agree to the point. And yes, Rennies should of not be there. My point is - I will leave cookies, chocolates anywhere and she will come and take it, not even asking.

[lulumama]

i think that her just taking food is wrong too

you can eitehr grit your teeth and bear it

or

pre empt with a snack

or

have a big talk with her about the house rules

or

ask her parents to please speak to her too about respecting boundaries in other peoples' homes

i have a friend's DD who will do this, she once ate every piece of fruit in teh fruit bowl, it is a PITA, but for as long as i can afford to refill the fruit bowl, i feel a bit 'meh; about it. i would be more concerned about trashing the house, breaking toys or that sort of thing

but i can totally see why it is annyoing

[Shoegazer]

Eating food in my house wouldn't bother me, all children are welcome to any food in my house as long as I know their parents are happy for them to have it. However, I would expect them to ask politely for it. Being sneaky would really bother me so I don't think you are being unreasonable. If it were just that she were sending your DD to ask then I would assume shyness, but as she is also just taking I would go with the "We don't take food without asking in this house" approach.

[solidgoldbrass]

I would be concerned that the child is not being properly fed at home particularly if her brother is saying he has not eaten all day. Could you have a quiet word with the parents along the lines of: what are your rules on snacking so I know what to give her?

[TC08]

She is definitely not shy.

Don't think I will go and talk to her parents either as we never spoke to each other and I just wouldn't feel comfortable doing it.

[RedHead81]

no toys in her house? not being fed? It sounds really sad to me - is this poor little girl telling the truth? And if she is, maybe going to the parents and telling them she is stealing may not be the greatest thing to do IYSWIM. Do the children look as though they are being fed well and are they clean and tidy (as much as 7yo's can be) or do you thing they may not be being cared for adequately?
x

[Love2bake]

I would tell the child (in a nice way) that you know she has taken food without asking. Explain to her that if she wants something to eat at your house that she has to ask, or she can't come and play anymore.

[ThatBigGermanPrison]

Find out if this child is genuinely hungry first.

I got pissed off last year with some older children coming to play with my ds, they were CONSTANTLY asking for food, any food, fruit, toast, sandwiches, and I thought it was just the novelty.

Turned out the mother wasn't getting up in the morning to feed them any breakfast, they were letting themselves out to play and there was often very little at home. SS were involved, the school were involved, I wasn't even supposed to know but I overheard the mum ranting about it in the playground "For fucks sake they're six and eight, they can go to the fucking shop, can't they? Fuck's sake, social workers don't live on fucking planet Earth!"

I felt dreadful. I should have known something was amiss - but a LOT of kids play out round here, it's normal, it's relatively safe, and I genuinely thought they were just being greedy.

Try to find out.

[MamaGLovesMe]

How is it you have never spoken to her mother yet you have her child in your house, and hse is happy to let her go to a stranger's?

If you don't want to give the child any food at all, then say no when she asks. Or send her home.

You could also ask her what sorts of food she likes to eat at home and if Mummy and Daddy eat with them. See if there are problems. Maybe Mum is ill and not coping?

[TC08]

I don't think she was telling the truth by saying there are no toys. When their garage is open you can see lots of bikes etc

I think parents do care about them because she did mention couple of times her dad was taking them to the park, cinema, for pizza, McDonalds.

I don't mind giving her sweetie, fruit etc if she asks but sneaking, sending my DD for it - that does annoy me a lot.

[ThatBigGermanPrison]

Ahhh

maybe she doesn't eat her meals at home, so her parents don't let her snack, so she is coming to you for snacks?

[TC08]

MamaGLovesMe I know it sounds odd but yes, we have not spoken. She kind of doesn't exist as you hardly see her at all, but I know she is in the house. I see her dad a lot, spoke to him a couple of times but not mother.

One day was standing at the front garden watching my kids and her kids playing. She was at the front garden too but was definitely trying to avoid eye contact, so we didn't even say hello to each other

Had to knock on her door one day to ask for my daugher (who was playing in her garden), she opened the door, didn't say "hello" or anything at all. I asked for my daughter, she closed the door and a couple of minutes later my DD appeared through the garage door. I find it all very odd, but this is a different story.

[lulumama]

she might be terribly shy

she might have PND

or she might be a neglectful mother

what about inviting her over for cup of tea, note through the door if she does not engage when you try to catch her eye? at least then you will have tried