...to be screening my calls from my family today...

[Squirdle]

...and probably for the forseeable future?

Quick explanation. DS1 and DH went away for the weekend. I thought it would be a nice relaxing weekend for myself and the 2 little ones...not a hope. On Friday evening I recieve and e-mail from my older brother asking if he can come and stay this week. In the same e-mail he is moaning about my parents and my sister.

On Saturday my dad calls. Now I am a little soft with my dad as he had a major cardiac arrest last year and nearly died. But he was moaning about my mum, my older brother who lives there and about not seeing my sister and her boys. Then on Staurday night my sister calls moaning about parents and older brother and to top it all my younger brother called on Sunday morning moaning about older brother

Are you still with me?

Now, younger brother, I actually didn't mind calling as he was concerned. He had our older brother over on Saturday night as he felt he needed to get out. He says that our older brother downed a lot of alcohol in just an hour and spent the rest of the evening swearing etc. He also told my younger brothers girlfriend a lot of very personal things...things which my younger brother should only be telling her if he chooses to.

I have had enough. It may sound very snobbish, but we do not go around swearing all of the time here. I have decided that I cannot allow my brother to come and stay because there is no way he will be able to curb the swearing...and plus I simply can't cope with my family atm...well most of the time tbh. I live 2 hours away for a reason!!

I have just sent him a message saying that one of the boys is ill so I can't have him here atm. I feel guilty, but I can't do it!!

[TotalChaos]

YANBU. Agree that if older brother is going to get hammered and get all personal then it's going to be v. awkward for you having him to stay.

[Squirdle]

You see I wish I could just say that to him, but he will either get all angry and upset by it and then I will be causing another problem (and besides I promised younger bro that I wouldn't say anything) or he will promise not to, but most likely still wil iyswim.

It sounds awful, but he isn't a great role model for my children. He is still at home at 36, doesn't work, though has just finished a degree (good for him) but doesn't contribute a penny towards his keep (my sisters moan) and is unbelievably disrespectful towards my dad (who is too soft to kick him out)

I know that all he will do is want to talk about 'the past' and how awful our parents were...and yes he is right, they weren't great, but I don't my children hearing all of that!

He will sit in the same chair and won't help at all. I will have to cook, make cuppas etc....and quite simply, I ma not a slave! If you want a cup of tea in this house and I am busy, then you have to make one! This is how he behaves at my parents house...and they allow him too

[Squirdle]

Oh I do't know why I started this thread, I'm getting really cross now

[Squirdle]

And my typing is up the spout!!

[whoops]

yanbu

you have a lot on at the mo. don't feel guilty! screen the calls and say you unplugged it to get some rest with your poorly boys!

ps are you busy this wed pm?

[JRocks]

yanbu, you shouldn't feel obliged to take on all of these problems and sort them out. If having your brother over is going to make life harder for you then say no.

[MatNanPlus]

Wow, nope, YANBU but savign your sanity and not giving him another home to mooch off IMO.

Great he has a degree now, what is he going to do with it?

I hope his visit hasn't harmed your younger brothers relationship.

[Squirdle]

Whoops, hmm, yes I have far too much else going on atm, which is the main reason I can't have him here...I don't understand it, none of the rest of us are like him! Oh, Weds PM, I have a doctors appt. Do you mean evening though...if so, then yep me is here

MatNanPlus, I have no idea what he will do with his degree. If he is anything like our mother, then the answer would be nothing at all. We have a very clever (but infuriating) mother who has a maths degree...but does nothing with it. He is just like her!

I sent him a text saying DS3 is ill (jinxing myself now) but he hasn't replied....probably annoyed with me....but I don't care

[Squirdle]

And also that was why my younger brother was worried. His girlfreind was quite upset by the things she hd been told and younger brother was worried she may think we had a weirdy family. My answer...some of them are wierdy...but not all of us

I have told him to get her to ring me if she is worried about anything (glutton for punishment me) and to come and visit soon just to reassure herself that at least one part of her future inlaws are normal (well as normal as we can be )

[Squirdle]

girlfriend

[Squirdle]

wierdy

[MatNanPlus]

Squirdle yes you are a glutton but am guessing you like DYB's GF.

and the point of a degree your not going to use is .....

[Squirdle]

Hmm yes quite...I don't understand it myself.

I do like YBG very much. She is lovely and very good for him. They are planning to get married soon and start a family.

The trouble with my parents is that they put on a very good show of being 'normal' in front of YBG, my DH and my sisters DH (although DH and BIL know the truth)

YB is very protective of our parents. He doesn't seem to think our childhood was terrible (it was I am afraid) and tried to make sure they are ok.

I do think he has blocked out (well I know he has) a lot or it may be simply that my mother didn't treat him as badly as he did us.

But saying that, I wouldn't put them down in front of them exactly for this reason. If he wants to ave a good relationship with them, then he should be able to.