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Good friend of DD is having a party and she has not been invited yet other 3 good friends have!

(20 Posts)
pinkbubble Mon 21-Jul-08 18:49:36

DD just told me that she has not been invited to a friends birthday party because it would not be fair to lock their dog away because she is scared of it!

DD is 8, and has a nice group of good friends. There are 5 of them that are pretty close.

Now yes DD is scared of dogs, but recently has got a lot better, and I mean a lot better. She even stroked this dog last week - DD would not go anywhere near dogs/cats up until recently, but I have really worked hard with her and given her lots of encouragement etc etc.

She has always gone to friends houses that have pets and yes at times she has worried about pet. But we have never asked for the pet to be shut away!

I feel really sorry for DD, she has always invited this girl to all her parties, one was even a Build a Bear party, so not cheap ones. Had often wondered why DD had never been invited to their house before, now I know why, I feel a tad cheesed off. They do a lot of things together in sch. I did ask DD if they had had a falling out and she said no. So I have just said for now that maybe said friend could only invite a few friends, DD just looked at me and told that other children had also been invited.

sad

pinkbubble Mon 21-Jul-08 18:56:59

I guess I am feeling a tad unreasonable to be upset for DD, normally I just say to DD that sometimes friends sometimes just have to choose a few. \but to be given this reason has really hurt. It has made feel really upset for DD.

Why couldn't the Mother have a word with me, I would have happily gone with DD to party.

cocolepew Mon 21-Jul-08 19:00:11

YANBU that's a lame excuse.

Limara Mon 21-Jul-08 19:00:36

Lost count of similar situations between friends. Feel for you and ddsmile

2shoes Mon 21-Jul-08 19:01:58

awwww your poor dd.
like you say the mum could have spoken to you.
and who would not shut a dog away at a kids party?

dirtylilminx Mon 21-Jul-08 19:02:09

A$$holes!!! yanbu. I can see why your annoyed, but thats not an excuse to not invite a 8yo to a party, is that just an excuse to not invite her, what I meen is, could her and her friend fallen out or had a slight dissagreement? hmm x

feelingharddoneby Mon 21-Jul-08 19:02:29

If the genuine reason is because of the dog then YANBU - unless your DD has shown real fear of this particular dog in which case there may be a different interpretation of this.

Are you sure DD hasn't had some kind of falling out with her friends (even though she says not)

kittywise Mon 21-Jul-08 19:03:02

How well do you know the mother? Do you feel you could approach her?
I have, in your situation, gone to the mother concerned and said something along the lines of
"hi, ds is a bit upset because he thinks he hasn't been invited to x's party when all of his friends have. I wondered if there was something I could do? I would like to know what I should say to him as he is very upset"
Some mother are absolute twats aren't they angry

edam Mon 21-Jul-08 19:18:19

Oh, poor dd. I would approach the other mother, I think, and mention that dd is doing really well overcoming her fear of dogs.

pinkbubble Mon 21-Jul-08 19:35:40

I do know the mother fairly well, more by chatting at school gate rather than going for coffee at each others house.

Not sure she is the type you could approach thou, not sure I know her that well!

At least its not the whole class, just a fair number (well in DDs eyes!)

Did ask DD if she had fallen out with the girl and she said no, I also asked her if they had been discussing the party with the child and had she asked the little girl to shut the dog away, and DD said no, there had been no mention of party until today and it wasn't until friend was handing out the invites that she said that my DD couldn't come because it was unfair to lock their dog away.

Limara Mon 21-Jul-08 19:40:54

What messages are we giving to our children?
Fickle individuals.

DustyTV Mon 21-Jul-08 19:47:32

Awww your poor DD. I agree with 2shoes btw, who wouldn't shut a dog away at a party. It is beside the point though it is a really lame excuse, especially if your DD and the birthday girl are good friends.

Hope your DD feel better about it all soon.

pinkbubble Mon 21-Jul-08 19:52:25

I have just come down from tucking DD in, have promised that we will do something nice instead.smile

LazyLinePainterJane Mon 21-Jul-08 20:11:35

YANBU, if I were hosting a childrens party at my house, our dog would be put out of the way. Would you really want a dog round the kids feet, stealing the food?

Rachmumoftwo Mon 21-Jul-08 20:17:37

I put the dog in my room for parties, for her own safety! It isn't fair on her, to be forced to put up with a houseful of screaming children.

Heated Mon 21-Jul-08 20:30:35

No, YANBU and what an unpleasant thing to say to your dd.

I must admit I would wimp out and not say anything to the girl's mother but my dh, who is more direct, would.

elmoandella Mon 21-Jul-08 20:36:24

perhaps the mother is trying to keep numbers down and only inviting the parents that she's really friendly with, or she's a bit strange about having people she doesn't know well in her house. you do say she hasn't been there before.

the mother inviting who she's freidnly, not who her daughter is friendly??
am i making sense

MadamePlatypus Mon 21-Jul-08 20:44:35

I don't think you can really do much about it except commiserate with your daughter. The dog thing sounds a bit odd. As Rach says, I don't think it would be unreasonable to lock a dog away during a birthday party regardless of whether the guests were frightened.

I'm sure this won't make you or your daughter feel much better, but I think the thing that distinguishes successful people is that they cope well with rejection, not that they are never rejected (think JK Rowling, any successful actor or inventor).

Pavlovthecat Mon 21-Jul-08 20:49:50

Your poor DD sad I would be upset for her too, what a lame excuse.

Although to be honest, if they are not shutting the dog away with children around, being boisterous, I would probably not want my DD to go anyway.

RusselBrussel Mon 21-Jul-08 20:50:15

I seriously doubt the dog is a genuine excuse. If it is, then the mother of htis little girl is a bit of a bovine!

Dd and Ds both have friends who are afraid of dogs. The dog just goes to my room for the duration of the tea or party.
In fact ds is having a sleepover for his birthday later this month and the dog will go to kennels for that night.
Whilst my dog is important to me, he is NOT and NEVER will be more important than family members/friends.

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