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to feel resentful of my mother in law?

(5 Posts)
onthepier Sun 20-Jul-08 17:53:44

Basic scenario is this: Myself, my dh + 2 dc's went to visit my dh's parents recently for the weekend. Neither of us drive, but are very used to taking the train there, (about 4 hour journey but an easy one, only one change).

We went up there by train which went fine, but mil was insistent she'd drive us home. We made it clear that she didn't need to, we were perfectly happy travelling by train as normal.

However, she insisted so before we went I got the house straight and spare room sorted, (knowing she'd be staying a night with us after bringing us home due to the distance).

However, the whole journey back she wasn't her normal cheerful self, but snappy + short with me + dh. We made a supermarket stop + I asked her what she fancied to eat this evening. Her response was, "Oh don't mind me, just get what you all need". However I put myself out, bought some nice bits I knew she'd like as well, only to hear her mutter to dh, "She's bought the whole shop!" It was her idea to stop at the supermarket, we'd said we already had things in at home!

When we were almost home she suddenly said she fancied a takeaway, + what we'd just bought would surely keep!

Anyway, we had a takeaway, atmosphere seemed strained. She always makes a fuss of the dc's, but although they were playing in the living room she just didn't seem interested, I was quite relieved when bedtime came. Asked her a couple of times if she was ok, to which she responded, "Fine".

She left next morning, we thanked her for driving us back but atmosphere still seemed frosty.

Dh is just glossing over it all, saying oh well, let's forget it! He also asked what was wrong but couldn't get an answer. He thinks we should send gift vouchers or flowers as she'd made a special journey, but I'm thinking the whole thing would have been far more relaxed if she'd let us take the train as normal!

We didn't have loads of luggage, and when we visit them we taxi to their house from the train station, so it's not as if we rely on their transport at all! The weekend up there went fine, dc's were well behaved and we all got on by the way.

Thinking twice about sending her anything, feel very stressed by the whole episode!

sophierosie Sun 20-Jul-08 17:59:14

If he wants to send her anything let him do it...and next time politely refuse the offer (if it appears again).

How are pil getting on? Do you think maybe mil wanted some space from fil? There maybe more to it than first appears?

MrsTiddles Sun 20-Jul-08 18:00:19

I think you've offended her by accident and need to find out what it is. That or she was just extremely tired by the journey.

My MIL and FIL had a long drive last time they visited due to bad traffic and were both out of sorts for the whole visit. And it was simply that they were knackered and a bit fed up having been stuck in a car.

beanieb Sun 20-Jul-08 18:01:18

Maybe she was having an off day. What's the rest of your relationship with her like?

onthepier Sun 20-Jul-08 18:23:52

Generally our relationship with mil is good, however, thinking about it she does get a bit frustrated if she hasn't had her own time with the dc's.

Problem is that our youngest is very shy + always wants me or dh there, he's not really comfortable with them on his own, (this applies to my family too though sometimes!)

Maybe she thinks we're over protective at times, does occasionally hint that she'd do things differently.

We were with them for 3 days all in all, maybe things just got on her nerves! She phoned + spoke to dh this evening, just a normal chat, he said she seemed fine.

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