to expect DH and my teenage boys to have *some* idea what I want for my birthday(58 Posts)
No, they don't have any imagination so you have to tell them what you want! I know this isn't the most romantic approach, but my dh never has a clue about what I want, so I tell him very specifically what to get me. Then everyone's happy.
I make a list! I circulate this some time beforehand. I find that they often use their initiative and I have had some lovely surprises that are not on it. I think it gives them more confidence because they know that if imagination fails them then they have a list to fall back on. I am quite easy really because I like books, books and more books!
I would write it down-saying 'that's nice' when out goes right over their heads!
yes you are being far too subtle and polite Riven. You have to say : 'get this for me for my birthday please!' and remind them.
And tell them to book a restaurant and babysitter.
Your dh isn't the only one, my dh has never booked a babysitter and restaurant as a surprise for me.
You have to spell it out.
Give them a range of options.
Am I the only one who would feel very sad that I might have to just tell people what I want for my birthday? Really? I would think that my children and my DH might know what I like and saying "they have no imagination, you have to tell them" makes me think why should I bother at all?
Fortunately, Dh always gets me something thoughtful as a present and I think if he can manage it, so should everyone else be able to. He would also sort it so the children would have their presents for me as well.
Why should riven effectively have to sort her own present?
No one's blaming you Riven.
Hope you do have a nice birthday .
No, I don't mean that you should't have any presents!
Just that males sometimes need a bit more guidance.
My DP used to buy really really expensive totally inappropriate presents which I ended up having to take back.
So, we now do lists.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Yes, Happy Birthday!
I'm with Belgo and others on this one.
My heart says "that's not fair" for you Riven and my head says "write a present list written in red capitals and post it under their bedroom doors"
Also, don't wait for permission to go out!! If at all possible, organise a baby-sitter and go if you can possibly do it! Reaching 40 deserves a bit of a celebration!!
My dh (generally supportive, fantastic chap) doesn't have a clue really when it comes to presents, and when he tries to be inventive, the result is usually worse than when I'd given him written instructions ...
He always leaves it until the very last minute too (men ....) and given that he works extremely long hours that tends to mean only the local corner shop is open when he gets around to starting about thinking about buying a present.
I'm resigned to it now and even buy and wrap presents for myself at Christmas and put them under the tree. It's become quite a joke in our house as I make sure I get exactly what a want within reason (there is an advantage in all of this ) and I attach very florid, adoring labels written to myself such as "you are the light of my life, from your adoring husband"
I'm not bothered really because I'd rather have a dh who does a shed-load of child care and cooking and washing up in spite of long hours rather than someone who can wield a red rose ....
There's a balance of course. And your dh should at least be able to stretch to a cake and a bottle of something ... 40 is a significant one after all.
If your dh is not being supportive on the home front (playing computer games while you cook for example) then that's a different issue.
Hope you get what you want on the day Riven and get to have a little treat x
I'm afraid males are generally hopeless at novel, original gifts. I usually write a wish list, and give details of where to buy and price. Sometimes we have even gone together to buy, as was the case when I asked for a Cretan terracotta urn to place on our mediterranean inspired patio! I did well that birthday, as I got a baby olive tree too.
I tend also to buy gift bags for DH to present me gifts in where possible, he can re-use them next time. I do like a little surprise gift, and DH can usually manage a paperback or CD.
I don't want to be 50 but I am .
learn from my mistake, riven. i didn't give DH clear, concise instructions for my birthday on saturday and i got nothing. i was not happy. it pisses me off that i have to efectively organise my own birthday. he did feel my wrath on the situation and my revenge is that i have made him give me his word that we will all go to my parents for christmas this year, and he's driving!
I always give DH a list and tell him I would like something from it. Men are useless about gift buying.
Over the years I have trained him (I know, not romantic) to get the shop to gift wrap it. Otherwise he asks me where the sellotape is etc.
My dad gave me the best advice about dating 20 years ago - "men aren't telepathic, you really have to spell it out". Sadly it is true.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
If that kept happening to me I would buy myself a really expensive present and say 'well its from you and you for this year and last and probably next as well. Do you like it?'
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