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...to hope (or even expect) that when you tell someone "I'm knackered because of xyz" they should then respond to what you've said rather than redirecting the conversation to themselves?

(31 Posts)
MrsThierryHenry Fri 11-Jul-08 14:42:27

E.g in our household:

[after 2 whole weeks in which I have sat with tearful DS for up to 3 hours every night bar one. My DH earns the crust and so currently sleeps in the spare room. He sat with DS for just one night, and has had about 2 or 3 bad nights out of the past 14]

Conversation goes:

Me: I'm so exhausted. 2 weeks of 4 hours' sleep a night is taking its toll.
DH: So am I.

What I was hoping for:

Me: I'm so exhausted. 2 weeks of 4 hours' sleep a night is taking its toll.
DH: You poor thing, I'm not surprised. And I'm tired, too.

Can you spot the difference? Am I asking too much here?

DrNortherner Fri 11-Jul-08 14:44:38

Oh the old 'I'm more tired than yuo are game'

Common in many housesw ith children.........

StealthPolarBear Fri 11-Jul-08 14:46:04

Competitiveness to the extreme - I know it well. My DH was trying to compete with my contractions!

EthelTheUnready Fri 11-Jul-08 14:47:43

It's called Competitive Upmanship Night Tiredness Syndrome

clam Fri 11-Jul-08 14:49:14

grin ethel!

MrsThierryHenry Fri 11-Jul-08 14:49:18

Grief! How exactly does a man compete with his wife's contractions?!

I don't think it's competitiveness in our situation, just a failure to respond to what I'm saying first. Or, rather, thinking that saying 'me too' is the same as saying 'poor you'!!

MrsThierryHenry Fri 11-Jul-08 14:50:30

Ethel, thanks for trying to be supportive but please remember that he is still my husband and he's not exactly beating me to a pulp! No need to abuse him!

clam Fri 11-Jul-08 14:51:23

Stealth... my DH too. After I had DD (middle of night after holding DS's birthday party the previous afternoon whilst in labour, he got up, stretched, and said, "I've got to get home to bed now. I'm knackered."

poorbuthappy Fri 11-Jul-08 14:51:27

and he plays lovely football...

southeastastra Fri 11-Jul-08 14:51:42

dp does this to me allll the time. drives me barmy, every argument we have gets turned into 'nobody knows what it's like for me'.

MrsThierryHenry Fri 11-Jul-08 14:57:39

Clam! I don't know what to say!! I hope you thumped him grin

EthelTheUnready Fri 11-Jul-08 14:59:48

Every single one of my friends has dh who does this competitive thing, as does mine (no need to worry MrsTH I wasn't abusing your husband...wink).

We have theories as to where this originates. Is it their mothers making a fuss of them when they are little? Is it attention seeking? Who knows but I really do think that most men do it.

MrsThierryHenry Fri 11-Jul-08 15:03:58

Oh dear, Ethel,...so it seems I am expecting too much, then?!

What's even barmier is that he frequently complains that other people have poor communication skills - i.e. when meeting new people he'll always show an interest in them, asking them about their lives, etc etc, but that most of the time they don't reciprocate. He even ended up sarcastically asking someone: 'So do you want to know what my name is? Do you want to know anything about me?' It's impossible to make him see that he does it, too, in his own sweet way. Lawd love 'im!

fryalot Fri 11-Jul-08 15:07:33

oh we play the "I'm more tired than you" game often.

Sometimes, after one hour of sleep (yes, ONE HOUR!) I am too tired to argue and just accept that after the seven hours he has had, he must be tired-er than me

smile

minkychunky Fri 11-Jul-08 15:11:22

Oh yes Squonk me too. After the three hours a night sleeping (me) I completely understand on a weekend why dh gets up off the couch at 2.30 pm and says "ooooh i am so exhausted don't let me sleep past 5pm will you"

Then off he f*cks upstairs for a nap.

shock

foxythesnowfox Fri 11-Jul-08 15:12:56

Sadly, you are expecting way too much.

We frequently have the conversation. It usually has me screaming (on the inside) "well, don't fall asleep on the sofa at 8pm, wake up at 10 and stay up watching farking Sky Sports until 2am you stupid man". (I am particularly narked with DP today)

Or, why am i getting up first AGAIN because you didn't come to bed until 2am?

I have not slept in 6 years you know. wink

fryalot Fri 11-Jul-08 15:13:36

dp puts dd2 to bed at 8 in the evening and often has a couple of hours nap then.

Then he says to me at 11, or midnight or whatever... "you're going to bed? but I'm not tired at ALL!"

um...

minkychunky Fri 11-Jul-08 15:14:16

Foxy is your husband away for 4 days at a time?

[twitches nervously]

clam Fri 11-Jul-08 15:14:33

My DH has many wonderful qualities, but it took all of my strength and patience not to flatten him when he followed up that line (see previous post) with: "Give me a ring when you're ready to come out. But not too early. I could do with a lie-in! Oh, and remember the cricket starts at 11!"

TillyScoutsmum Fri 11-Jul-08 15:19:52

Dp actually went to sleep on the bed in the hospital whilst I was in labour. He was tired, bless him, and I wasn't using the bed so...why not ?! shock

minkychunky Fri 11-Jul-08 15:21:57

I would have stabbed him in the loolas with the pethidine syringe probably.

MrsThierryHenry Fri 11-Jul-08 15:26:09

I second that, Minky (if you're responding to Tilly).

TillyScoutsmum Fri 11-Jul-08 15:28:54

I was too busy concentrating on my contractions at the time - and I was pissed off with him drinking all my coffee supplies and clumsily massaging my back right where the TENS pads were (and consequently giving me massive shocks)

Really helpful he was. Arse grin

Wallace Fri 11-Jul-08 15:31:29

Me: Oooh I'm really tired
Dh: You're not the only one! (hmm an attempt at empathy, I wonder?)

Me: angryangryangryangryAAARRRGGHHHH!!!!

My dh also does that nap in the early evening thing, and then is surprised when I am tired uearlier than him hmm

MummyAnnabella Fri 11-Jul-08 15:42:07

after a 5 day labour (v little sleep) and emerg c/s (in the middle of the night) with a 2 month premature baby who was now in intensive care i asked dh to bring in fresh pjs and a towel in the morning (hadnt been able to pack as taken in as emergency).

his response (having had 5 full nights sleep and only having to get up at 5am on the last day) was "i may have a lie in as i am tired but i will try and remember you can always wear those ones to i come in at lunchtime"

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